Didn't We Almost Have It All

"Didn't we almost have it all
When love was all we had worth giving?
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend
Loving you makes life worth living"

~Whitney Elizabeth Houston (August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012)

During happier and healthier times

Sometime this afternoon Whitney Houston was found dead in a hotel room (at least that's what reports are saying right now.) I just found this out maybe an hour ago and have been reflecting on my feelings on this. I've been watching the Facebook statuses scroll through. Mostly sad, heartbroken, and of course shock. But is it really that shocking? The reason I decided to blog is because I can't sum up how I feel into a status. It will either come off as insensitive or just plain mean. That's not the point. Let me be clear that in no way shape or form am I being mean spirited intentionally. Just giving my thoughts and reaction to not just this news but the issue behind the sadness. Also let me disclaim I realize there's other news going on in the world. I'd like to point out I do blog about many of them. Just not today.

Ok. So I'm going to be brutally honest here because it's my blog and I can. And that's kind of the point. When I read Whitney had passed my first reaction was "that's not that shocking". Yup. That's how I felt. Kind of indifferent and not really shocked. Throw stones but come on people. Lets be honest. You thought it too. Whitney has had a very long and painful struggle with addiction. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, or whatever addiction certainly took it's long hand of pain and held her tightly. This is not speculation. This is fact. She has openly discussed her addictions. Tried and tried again at rehab and continued to fail. Obviously it's too soon to say that she died from a drug overdose but I think it's safe to say that years and years of abuse took a toll. Combine that with the pressures of being incredibly famous, having your career go from on top of the world to a distant memory, and to desperately make a comeback with one of the most train wrecks of a reality show ever  is something very few will understand. 

So Much Pain

This blog is not just a rundown on Whitney's life. It's about the desensitizing that is going on when it comes to substance abuse. Her death just made me think about it a little more. Every year we lose someone we admired, looked up to, idolized, or even loved to substance abuse. The more it happens does not mean it gets easier, however, it doesn't grab you by the seat of your pants like maybe the death of Elvis Presley. He was and is still revered as the King. The greatest ever. Even though he had a huge issue with substance abuse. I think a combination of the death of Kurt Cobain and that you now can get information about anyone in an instant has led to the desensitization of celebrity death when it comes to drug use. I might also mention it's not just celebrities. When we hear of the passing of a former classmate or acquaintance that had a known issue with drugs we weep for their families and loved ones but we also sigh deeply and think to ourselves we saw it coming. Which, by the way, is so very depressing. We should never be like "Well that person was an addict and this is no surprise." Pretty much the whole reaction to the death of Amy Winehouse. Was anyone surprised? I'm sorry right now I am just heartbroken about this whole topic. 

One of the greatest voices never to be heard again

The fact that drug use is so common place, and trust me folks it is, is truly disturbing and we should be much more concerned. Now, I know how hard that is in real life. I have had more than one friend struggle with substance abuse. It's true what they say. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves... but isn't using drugs a cry for help in it's own way? The fact that life is so hard on it's own the person needs a chemical escape is a problem and there's a reason for that deep down somewhere. I"m not going to pretend to be a psychiatrist here but I know what I've seen. There's always another deeper issue that leads to drugs. Also it would appear the "war on drugs" is just a figment of our imagination because there are more people using drugs than ever. They are not the homeless guy under a box either. They are kids, young kids!! dying from inhaling computer cleaner in their bedrooms, they are stay at home moms eating up their kids ritalin to keep up with the day to day pressures, they are the prom queen who tried heroine just once and now is massively addicted, and they are pretty much a huge population of the south who have made meth so popular it has it's own city called Meth Mountain.

What also bothers me is that when someone as famous as Whitney dies is the reaction from others. Many people are very sincere in their feelings but the "I'm so upset I can't stop crying" post from the person who probably just recently made a comment about what a disaster she was is more than just a little pathetic.  Be sad but don't be so freakin' dramatic and now all of a sudden it's about you. People can be so selfish it makes me sick. Also, in her death she will be more respected and revered than in her life. Case in point: Michael Jackson. Where were all these famous people when he was going through all the struggles. Not answering his phone calls that's where. Same with Whitney. A whole bunch of stupid celebrities who haven't said boo about her or worse yet have been using her to make jokes are now all of a sudden grieving her death like the death of their grandmother who raised them. I mean Brooke Shields giving a eulogy at Michael's funeral? WTF? It's the lack of sincerity or lack of actual genuine feelings that bother me. Whitney has been a sick woman for a very long time. Longer than people realize and didn't seem like to many celebrities where by her side then. Nope. Avoided her like the plague. Just like we do when we see a former classmate out at the bar and we know they are a drug user. Don't make eye contact and slowly move into the corner or hold your purse a little tighter. Instead we should initiate conversation because who knows, that little gesture of compassion could really help someone. 

I am guilty of all of this. Lecturing others is not the point. The point is too many people are dying from substance abuse. Too many people are destroying their lives and the lives around them. Too many people just turn a blind eye or cast a judgmental stare instead of offering to help. Man how we love to see others fail. Especially celebrities. Nothing like watching a person fall from grace in a very public way. All I know is that I have had some "not so proud" moments and don't even know how I would handle it if millions of people got to see it happen. Yes, I know. They are celebrities what do they expect? But do we have to pretend that they aren't human beings? Where has the respect for humanity gone? And after these people are gone all of sudden they are martyrs and such talents and amazing and etc etc. Come one. They may have spent the last hours of their lives with a needle in their arm and we are going to talk about how great they where because it makes others more comfortable. How about the cold hard truth? It may make for an awkward eulogy but it may also force people to face the facts.

Some people are just more prone to addiction than others. It's genetic and it's in your dna. I, for example, have an addictive personality. Whether it be cigarettes or donuts. Doesn't really matter what it is. I can overindulge. The fact I know this about myself keeps me away from things that will harm me. This is something I learned about myself the hard way not just by guessing. I do believe addiction is a disease and it's hard to accept that this person wouldn't be doing these things had they not been high. It's much easier to just be pissed and call them a loser.  

Anyway, I hope this blog makes you reflect if even for a moment on someone you know who may have an addiction. Yes, in your head they are a stupid, selfish, loser who doesn't deserve any help. I have felt that way many times too, but I try to be less judgmental. You know what they say. Until you've walked in someone else's shoes don't judge. 

The part of me that was loved Whitney in the 80's and 90's is mourning her death. The adult me is shaking my head at the fact that the next few days will be Whitney mania and all the details on how she died rather than the fact should she have died. 

May all those who lost someone to addiction find peace in your loss. Don't think that I think every addict can be saved. Most can't and most won't ever escape their disease. However, try to do something before it's too late.

I Should Rename all my Posts Song Titles

So after reading and re reading yesterday's post I felt I needed to write a blog that wasn't so full of gloom and doom. After all I have much to be thankful for and lots of positive things in my life. After many more hours of bitching and feeling sorry for myself I realized that I needed to get it out of my system and move on. And if you felt sorry for me please don't. I am very capable of feeling sorry for myself enough for everyone. So today's blog is going to focus on things that make me smile, things I find amusing, and also information about myself that you prob dont know. Yes, this could get weird..... I'm not going to think this one through much or analyze it. I'm going to play a game with myself and just write whatever pops into my head. I guess to make it look nicer I'll number them. Be forewarned this good be 10 things or 1000. You can't put a limit on what you fancy. Here I go. Purging the good today instead of the bad.

1. Let's get the obvious out of the way. My family. My husband Adam, my sons Aaron and Jude, and my pets, Gia, Lambeau, Dulce, Moxie, and Monkey. Oh and Aaron's two surviving fish Elmo and Elmo.


2. The sound of crackling fire


3. The smell of crackling fire


4. The way my carpet looks after I vaccum


5. When the mailman pulls up to my mailbox. I hardly ever get anything good but just in case......


6. I have an irrational fear of bats. chiroptophobia. Which actually sounds like a fear of chiropractors but I looked it up. 


7. Fear of said bats getting stuck in my hair Alfred Hitchcock's Bird's style and ripping off my flesh


8. I can literally play old school video games like Mario for hours. 


9. I can play computer games for hours. 


10. I have a subscription to Big Fish which allows me to download one game a month


11. The smell of Jude's milk breath and feeling him breath on me when we are sleeping face to face


12. The look on Aaron's face when I come home. His eyes literally light up the room. 


13. When Adam pulls me into a corner just to steal a kiss.


14. We have the most amazingly supportive family.


15. I think my sister is one of the greatest and strongest women I've ever known.


16. My Oma wore spandex into her late sixties and rocked them


17. I just recently stopped wearing my maternity jeans. I know. They are just so comfortable but I realized I was a step away from pajama jeans. 


18. When I'm cooking I feel completely at ease and truly like myself


19. One of my favorite snacks is smoked oysters in a can


20. Sometimes I cry to get my way


21. Every single time Aaron says "mama" my heart swells


22. Every time Jude smiles at me my heart swells


23. Smelling lilacs in may


24. Smelling leaves in the fall


25. Smells are pretty important to me. 


26. I probably hate cleaning litter boxes more than any chore yet I've been doing it every day for over 10yrs.


27. I tell jokes when I feel insecure


28. My first grade crush's name was Todd Vogel. Wonder what happened to that guy?


29. I will ALWAYS watch Full House if it's on


30. I talk shit about reality tv ALL the time but I watch it because I'm a reality tv junky


31. When I think of favorite memories or my childhood I can get the actual feeling I had at that time. It's very surreal.


32. I swear I saw 3 plumber ghosts when I was 4 yrs old. 


33. I miss my Opa every. single. day.


34. I like the way my hair smells after I get it died


35. I will never ever stick my hand into a garbage disposal


36. I actually love drinking White Zinfandel but at a bar will always order a martini or captain and coke


37. I could probably live on ramen noodles and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. 


38. I love raspberry flavored carbonated water


39. I have a girl crush on the following: Zooey Deschanel, Katy Perry, and Tina Fey


40. I have a guy crush on the following: David Beckham, Bradley Cooper, and (cougar alert!!) Taylor Lautner


41. I've had the same group of friends since middle school


42. I have a dream I'm still in middle school like once a week


43. Corn beef hash is my favorite breakfast item


44. Sometimes I eat the pistachio shells


45. I've actually said the phrase, "One day when I marry Joey McIntyre" 


46. I will listen to 90's alternative over anything else


47. 46 was a lie. I will also listen to pop and dance hits from the 90's 


48. I used to pull pranks, tell scary stories, and generally torture my best friend Julie just to see her reactions. They where priceless.


49. My first kisses in this order: Jacob Lindau at Julie's bday party (it was a dare even though we where "going out" at the time", Adam Lyman behind Sentry so romantic, and Deric Wallace on the bike trail. This was all in the 6th grade. I know. I was such a tramp


50. I love getting pedicures even though I have a phobia of feet. Podophobia. Now that sounds like a fear of feet and not chiropractors. 


51. I would take a bullet for anyone of my friends or family


52. I would do jail time standing on my head if anyone ever hurt my children.


53. One time I woke up in Cancun with a fork sticking out of my stomach I had fallen on in the night.


54. Sometimes I buy brand names clothes second hand and pass them off as new


55. I love online shopping. Like really really love it. Might go back to the mail thing.

56. I am aware on vain and self absorbed this blog is

57. Sometimes I need to be a little vain and self absorbed


58. Really isn't that what a blog truly is?? "Hey read some mundane shit I wrote! Why? Cuz I posted it on the internet"


59. Starting to feel cynical again...


60. Aaron's laugh is so deep from the belly it makes me laugh


61. Jude's gap in his teeth is part of his charm


62. Adam's dance moves are some of the worst yet best I've ever seen


63. My mother means more to me now than ever before


64. My father has taught me some valuable lessons in life while raising 3 kids. He also always bought me tampons.


65. Adam buys me tampons


66. Someday my boys will too. I think it's an important part of being a good guy


67. Adam's family took me in as one of their own almost immediately. I love them all so much


68. I put oranges in my water


69. I have eaten pizza with both ranch dressing and melted cheese. I know. So gross.


70. Will never stop liking taco dip


71. Knew I would marry Adam approximately 30 seconds after meeting him. Even told Eric Dietz that the next day


72. My niece, Kendall, gave me my motherly instincts. I never knew how much I could love a child until she was born.

73. The Police really do provide the soundtrack to my life


74. I have an addiction to using q tips. Adam sometimes hides them.


75. I have odd crushes on Conan O'Brien, David Bowie, and Jimmy Fallon


76. I wish Punky Brewster was still on the air


77. I'm really embarrassed I walked into a cd store and said the words "Do you have the cd "Barbie Girl".


78. Thanks to Adam and his dad I have a new found love of the blues. Especially the Memphis Blues. 


79. Anytime I see a crossroads I wonder if the devil will be waiting there to trade my soul for some sweet guitar skills


80. I always hold my breath past a graveyard and I can't even remember why


81. Sometimes I swear I'm psychic but have no ability to prove it. Which really doubts my belief that I'm psychic.


82. I still like the Titanic although I tell everyone I don't


83. My first best friend's name is Morgan McClean. She had an awesome house and played the cello


84. I went to a liberal arts school in the first grade. My favorite class was drama


85. I'm actually trying to make it to 100 but this is getting ridicolous


86. I learned a lot when I worked at the shelter. I made some awesome friends and amazing people. I miss them more than they will ever know.


87. I'm really excited to be a college student but also really scared


88. Two of my most prized possessions are the Noble Anthony rose bush from my dear friend Terri, and the hibiscus bushes I took from my Oma's house before they demolished it


89. Gia is absolutely the best dog in the entire universe of dog. She is a living legend.


90. I actually own the Ron Popeil knives. They suck yet I convince myself they don't


91. I would literally decorate my house for Christmas 365 days a year.


92. I'm known to listen to Christmas music year round.


93. I'm very proud of my brother


94. I have strong tendencies to hoard....


96. My previous employer, Kristen, is and will always be my mentor


97. My favorite perfumes are by Britney Spears


98. I love rainy summer days


99. Quoting movies is kind of my trademark


100. I made it to 100. This should be a good one. I enjoy eating processed canned meats as in spam and those weird sausages.


I hope you enjoyed this or you got really bored. I'm no Carrie Bradshaw but I have things to say. And they may be semi interesting. I have realized that you don't always have to write something incredibly witty or some hot topic political issue. Sometimes you can just write. And honestly after this I feel much better than I did before. My life is by no means an open book and anyone can read it but I do allow a few chapters to sneak out now and again. Plus I love getting feedback. It's one of my only social outlets and I'm happy with that. Til we meet again or as my next blog might be called "Don't Stand So Close To Me".

HELP!! HIRE ME!! READ ME PLEASE!!!!

This blog is going to a deep place that I have mostly kept to myself. I am writing this high on emotion and know if I don't do it now I won't. But I need to purge this. I can't suffer in silence anymore. Why you ask? Because of a little thing called pride. Pride and saving face. No one wants others to know they are struggling especially when it comes to finding work. It's embarrassing, it's humbling, and most of all its depressing. I have finally decided to share my story. For two reasons, one is I want all those people out there who are saying "there's jobs out there but no one is taking them" to shut their goddamn mouths and two because I'm hoping by putting it all out there I may get a lead or an interview. Here is my story. No holds bars. Truth is out there. Be prepared to cringe, feel uncomfortable, feel sorry for me (please don't), and just feel. This is the story of a truly unemployed skilled individual who cannot find work. Not for the lack of trying. Good god. I have long since lost count of the number of jobs I have interviewed for, the number of resumes I have sent out, the number of phone calls that said " You where one of the top candidates but....." Let me begin.

It all started in October of 2010. I was pregnant with Jude and beginning to have complications. I have an autoimmune disease that puts me at risk for another placental abruption. I was put on strict well semi strict bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. This is for another 6mths. I had to leave my current job which I loved at the Lakeland Animal Shelter to go sit in my bed. I remained in contact with the shelter and it was pretty much left in the air if I would return. As I grew closer to my due date it became apparent I was not going back. I wanted time to care for my newborn and 1yr old without stressing about getting back to work. This turned out to be the least issue as the shelter had discovered that without me there, they could designate my work to volunteers and other employees hence saving my salary. In short they could not really afford to bring me back. As devastating as this was it made sense and I realized it was time to move on. We parted amicably and the shelter is and will always be very dear to my heart. People ask if I got upset when my position was eliminated. I look at them like they are crazy. Why? More funds to care for the animals. Isn't that the point?

So I finished collecting my short term disability (thank god I bough Aflac the year before) and maternity and decided that in June I would begin my job search. I was optimistic. Who wouldn't hire me? I had a great letter of recommendation from the shelter and a great resume that showed all the work I did for the shelter. All the events I organized and all the money I helped raise. I felt it was solid and I had a great chance of finding another fund raising career at another non profit. WRONG!! So after submitting resumes to every non profit in the state the phone calls started coming in! I was thrilled. I made it through all the phone interviews and got called in for one on ones. I made it through most of those and got called in for  2nd and 3rd interviews. Then things went haywire. For whatever reason I couldn't close the deal. To make matters worse many of the organizations continued to contact me with other available positions. I even got offered a job at a non profit to later have it redacted due to highing within! The bane of my existence!! I have lost more jobs to inside hires than anything else. Why even interview anyone when you are just going to hire within anyway. Waste of time.

I do this for literally months. Interview after interview. Some panel style, some presentation style, some one on one, and one even role playing. I felt I knocked  them all out of the park. Every interview I left I had a good feeling about but for whatever reason it was not to be. Now one can only take so much rejection and I was close to quitting many times. But I'm no quitter. I'm motivated and determined. Also competitive so now it's my mission to find a fucking job.

Here's a little background for those who don't know me as well. I work hard. I have a strong drive to succeed and determination to the extreme. I'm competitive in a healthy way and very motivated. When asked what motivates me I have to be honest and say I motivate myself to succeed. I'm my toughest critic. I take pride in doing a good job as I take pride in nearly everything I do. And mostly because it makes me feel successful. Also my family motivates me and I want to contribute and set a good example for my children..

The reason for this blog today is I was yet again turned down for a job I thought I was perfect for. I have come to one conclusion that I can't believe I really didn't consider before and it was right in front of my face. I have no degree. That's right. Not even an associates and all the jobs I want are manager and professional jobs. I honestly believe if I had that piece of paper I would have a job by now. I feel that way because I've recently been told that by a potential employer. "you have everything. you are perfect, BUT you do not have a degree and it's only fair to hire those who went through school". What about those who worked their tail off caring for homeless animals for ten years!!! Does that not count for anything? The fact the shelter's fundraising budget was exceeded every year I was there. Nothing? I am certainly not discrediting higher learning. I have longed to continue my education but it just seemed so unattainable with my job, getting married, then kids but I realized you can make excuses for nearly everything and at some point you just have to suck it up and go for it. Yes, it's going to be hard but I'm more ready for this than anything I've ever been ready for in the past.

Wisconsin Unemployment Chart

So here I am. Still jobless and starting to feel hopeless. I guess I should mention a silver lining. I have enrolled at UW Oshkosh for the fall for my Bachelor's in Organization Administration in the school of Business. It's an ecampus course and I have already applied, sent my transcripts, did my financial aid, and am just waiting to hear back from the school. So yes, I am getting my degree. Better late than never but now a days a degree isn't enough, experience isn't enough. You need both to really stand a snowball's chance in hell.

As you can tell this blog is written with a lot of emotion behind it. I  have fallen into many doubts of depression and despair. What this has done to my mental health has been devastating. It takes every part of my being to get back out there, put on a smile and try to convince someone I'm good enough to hire. Why do I share this? Because it's reality folks and I'm not the only one. How does one not feel worthless when they can't even get a job selling long distance. Especially with the background they have and track record of succeeding. Many times I just want to give up. Mooch of the system and crawl into a corner in the fetal position and accept that as my new life. But fortunately that's not me. I don't have the 'give up' gene. I keep going and it's painful. I'm a glutton for punishment I assume.

As soon as I get yet another rejection what do I do? Jump right back on the computer and literally send my resume out to about 20 more places. And don't think I'm setting my sights too high. And actually if anyone thinks that they are an asshole because I am good enough for those jobs. Just to be clear I have applied to many many entry level jobs I've been deemed "too qualified" for? What the hell does that mean? I'm no math genius but the $9 or $10 dollars being offered is better than $0!

Right now I would settle for a part time office or administrative job. The full time job thing I just don't see panning out without a degree. Plus working part time will allow me to concentrate on my studies more and not take me ten years to get this degree.

So this is from the horse's mouth. The working poor. The family that is barely making it with one salary but still doesn't qualify for any assistance because my husband is working. So he should quit his job then we could get assistance. Fucked up. I don't want charity. I don't want a hand out. I want a job. We have been in danger of having our cars repossessed, our lights turned out, etc. We've made it through but just barely. Our families have been excellent in helping us out with things like groceries. Which is so appreciated but you feel sick to your stomach and your pride falls to the floor. You feel shameful and embarrassed.

I have many people on the look out for jobs. Hell, I even joined a temp agency! Nothing. Won't someone just give me a chance? They won't regret it. I have the most excellence references including from my previous employer. I'm smart and a really fast learner. There isn't much I can't learn how to do. I just need the chance to show it. Yes, this may seem like a pity party but I assure you it's not. It the manifesto of an unemployed mother of two who just wants to contribute to her family and her society. So here's my shameful plight. If you or anyone knows of ANYTHING please please let me know. My resume will be posted below. Feel free to share this blog with others. Not just to help me find a job but also a testament into the unemployed of this country. How dire and hard it is. How the last thing most of us want is money from the government or handouts. We take pride in working and supporting our families. That's what we strive to do.

Thanks for reading and hopefully getting some insight on the unemployed people in this country. We are not a bunch of picky whiners not taking jobs. Jobs are slim. The last 5 yes I said 5 interviews I went on this month I was up against about 50-100 other candidates. Some of the with their PhD for christs sakes. One of my best friends worked at Broadway Paper Stationary store. She has a degree in International Studies with a minor in Asian Studies. She worked alongside an architect and an engineer. How do I compete with that. So now more than ever I need this degree and will work my ass off to get it. Thanks for reading. Also I deeply apologize for the swearing. I never swear but sometimes it just feels right!

Alexandrea Dahlstrom

2111 Hillcrest Dr. Delavan, WI 53115 • 262-210-2530 • adahlstrom81@gmail.com 

Objective

Obtain an administrative position where my expertise in interpersonal relationships, computers skills, and customer relations can be utilized.

Summary of Qualifications

An experienced Fundraising Director and Volunteer Coordinator with excellent interpersonal skills, time management, written and oral communications and the confidence to work independently. Has an emphasis on communications, sales, and marketing in the community and with social media.

Demonstrated skills and accomplishments in the following areas:

• Coordinated and executed fundraising events and direct mailing campaigns
• Obtained corporate sponsorships and major gifts with personal visits and letter writing campaigns.
• Ability to interact with people from all different demographics
• Conducted public and community relations by participating in radio, TV and newspaper interviews
• Visited local community groups, organizations, businesses, and schools to discuss and educate about animal welfare and involve them in future activities
• Performed administrative duties such as data entry, record keeping, follow through, and personal interactions.
• Proven ability to set and accomplish goals with a talent for maintaining relationships with staff, volunteers, donors, and the general public while working as a team
• Expertise in administrative tasks, fundraising development, event coordination, and volunteer management
• Ability to work independently and driven to succeed and please
• Able to take direction and accomplish assigned tasks quickly and in a professional manner
• Driven to set new goals and challenges
• Strong public speaking skills with a highly professional demeanor
• Volunteered with many other organizations including several events at the Michael Fields Agricultural Institute, Al & Briggs Walk for Children’s Hospital, and Animal Shelter Alumni Pet Owners for the Lakeland Animal Welfare Society
• Volunteered for the “Adopt a Highway” program
• Currently enrolled to finish my degree in Marketing

Work Experience

Lakeland Animal Welfare Society, Elkhorn, WI                                                     2004 to 2011

Fundraising Director

• Planned and executed fundraising events including Annual Golf Outing, Whisker Walk, Annual Charity Dinner/Auction, Wine Tasting, medical expense drives, and numerous direct mailing campaigns
• Chairperson of the Fundraising Committee
• Coordinated and managed volunteers for all events
• Procured prizes and auction items for all events
• Coordinated and prepared all direct mailing campaigns including: designing materials and assembling volunteers to prepare donor list mailing that exceeded 7,000 supporters
• Obtained new donors and corporate sponsorships through use of sales and marketing skills
• Exceeded budget every year
• Performed administrative duties as needed including working with staff, answering phones, working with various computer software, filing and computer data, and other duties assigned
• Responsible for 150% growth in fundraising revenue in 6 yrs

 Lakeland Animal Welfare Society, Elkhorn, WI                                                     2004 to 2011

Volunteer Coordinator

• Recruited, trained and conducted monthly orientations for new volunteers
• Conducted tours to educate and recruit members of the community on volunteer opportunities
• Visited schools, community groups, and other organizations to educate about the needs of the organization
• Created and implemented new volunteer programs that involved youth groups, college students, student organizations, community service, and Explorer Program with the Boy Scouts of America
• Recorded and kept records of volunteer’s hours and commitments
• Provided letters of reference for volunteers looking to join the work force or apply to colleges
• Maintained volunteer education programs

Lakeland Animal Welfare Society, Elkhorn, WI                                                     2001 to 2004

Animal Caretaker/ Receptionist

• Cared for over 2,500 animals yearly including cleaning, feeding, and administering medications
• Trained incoming employees
• Assisted in the Executive Director in additional tasks not specific to my title
• Managed office duties while Executive Director could not
• Performed administrative duties as needed including working with staff, answering phones, working with various computer software, filing and computer data, and other duties assigned

Education

High School Diploma, Waterford Union High School, Waterford, WI                             June 2000

            General Courses including French 5

            Participated in Student Council and Peer Listening

Marketing, Gateway Technical College, Elkhorn, WI                                                                                            August 2002

            Course work including Written Communications

            Accelerated classes in Marketing Business and Basics

Organizational Administration- Bachelor’s Degree, University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh

            Enrolled for Fall of 2012

Computer Skills

Microsoft Office: Microsoft Word, Excel, Outlook, Powerpoint, and Axcess

Publishing and Media Software: QuarkXpress 8, Roxio Creator, Windows Movie Maker, and PhotoStudio

Fundraising Software and Online Applications: Donorperfect Software for record keeping, Firstgiving Online, and Intuit Website Program

References

Corinne Dimicelli

Occupation: Founder of The Time is Now Charity and Owner of Lake Geneva Area Realty

Years Acquainted: 9

Relationship: Volunteer Work

Email: Corinne@sal21.com

Terri Lindelow

Occupation: Owner of Terri Lindelow Designs

Years Acquainted: 3

Relationship: Volunteer Work

Email: tlindelow@hotmail.com

Kristen Perry

Occupation: Executive Director of the Lakeland Animal Shelter

Years Acquainted: 10

Relationship: Former Employer

kperry@lakelandanimalshelter.org

I Say Co-Sleep, You Say Danger...

For many many years, thousands even, women have slept with their children. Safely, soundly, and comfortably. It would seem like the natural thing to do as your baby after all is an extension of you just outside the womb. Also for breastfeeding it is almost a must or at the very least the most convenient. Speaking of breastfeeding (here I go on my pro breastfeeding horse so be forewarned), when you breastfeed your body and your baby's body are actually riding the same wavelength. Their (baby's) breathing is regulated by your breathing, their heartrate is set to yours, and so on. These are facts not opinions. When Aaron was born prematurely I did extensive research on the things I could do to help him thrive. I was terrified of losing him because of his prematurity. It didn't help the nurses in the NICU said most boys in there where referred to as the "Wimpy White Boy" syndrome because they had less chance of thriving. Nice thing to say to a first time mom scared out of her mind and so far from home.There is no place quite like a hospital's NICU, no place where birth and death exist in such intimate proximity. Here machines dwarf babies whose lungs are too delicate to breathe, whose eyes are too fragile to withstand light, whose translucent skin cannot yet warm their tiny bodies. It's where your heart breaks and swells at the same time. I did all the Kangaroo Care, which is skin to skin contact, and Adam did too. Our little Aaron had to spend the first two weeks of his life hooked up to monitors and machines in a room with strangers. I was determined to do whatever it took to get my little boy home.

Now, here's the thing. At the time, being a first time mom, much was new to me. I had never spent time in a birthing ward so I was not particulary sensitive to my surroundings. Not right away. Though it did strike me as odd that there where so many posters about not smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. Don't most mom's know this?? Then I saw a number of  about to be moms hanging out in their birthing gown in front of the hospital, ready to pop, puffing away as if it was no big deal. Yikes. It was also interesting that there where posters with statistics for African Americans about SIDS or infant deaths aimed at certain demographics. Then it occurred to me that I was in a hospital in the inner city. Where lack of information and education is just the a simple fact. It's not a stereotype and it's not racist. It is what it is and I saw it first hand. I try to be open minded and considerate of others but I was culture shocked all the same. As I looked around at the other little precious babies in the NICU a trend was apparent. These where babies that where born into addiction and poverty. How did I know this? My best friends mother was a nurse there. The stories where beyond sad. Some of their mothers showed up and some of them called and many of them never came back. Being a transfer from little ol Elkhorn, I was certainly in the minority here. I still see these babies in my mind and I still weep for their futures. They didn't ask for this and yet here they are, already in the care of someone else while their mother's party it up and call in to say they are not coming to bathe their newborn because they are too hungover. True story as I heard it first hand. You might be wondering why I'm even bringing this up. It is all relevant you see. It's all relevant to the alarming new epidemic in Milwaukee. Where mortality rates in certain area codes and demographics are the same as some third world countries. Impossible you say? Nope. Fact. You may have seen or heard of it.

Yeah, I was a little disturbed too. But not because of the pictures. Because the fact that there NEEDS to be pictures. And misleading ones at that. I'm going to state some facts from the Milwaukee Health Department and then factor in on some of them.

1. 30 developed and underdeveloped countries have better [infant death] rates than Milwaukee

2.  Milwaukee's infant mortality rate in 2009 was 10.4 deaths for every 1,000 live births, according to the health department.

3. For white babies, it was 5.4. The rate for black babies was nearly three times as high: 14.1.

4 . In Milwaukee around 20% of infant mortality is attributable to a combination of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS),  and Sudden Unexplained Death in infancy (SUDI).  Of these deaths the majority die in an unsafe sleep environment.  

5.100% of co-sleeping deaths in Milwaukee, the babies where formula fed (this does not mean that the formula contributed. I'll get more into this later.)    

6. African Americans carry an unfair burden of safe sleep related infant death. In 2006-2009, 47.4% of Milwaukee births were to African American mothers, yet African American infants represent 72% of all sleep-related deaths.

7. 13% of City of Milwaukee births were to mothers who smoked during pregnancy, yet 51% of infants who died in their sleep had mothers who smoked during pregnancy.

8. 69% of infants who died in their sleep were exposed to secondhand smoke.

9. 79% of the 89 sleep-related deaths from 2006-2009 had documented use of pillows, blankets, quilts, or bumper pads in the sleep area.

10. 69% of all 2006-2009 sleep related deaths involved bed-sharing with adults or siblings.

Co-Sleeping Defined The term “co-sleeping” can be confusing, as it is used both to refer to sharing a bed and sharing a room. To clarify the distinction, many pediatric experts now refer to “bed-sharing” (referring to a infant who is sleeping in the same bed, couch, or other surface where parents or others are sleeping), and “room-sharing” (referring to a infant who is sleeping in the parents’ room, but in their own crib or bassinet). 

Ok, so after reading those you are probably like "co-sleeping bad!". However, these statistics are factual and they are a bit misleading. There are a lot of factors in to why this is happening. I'm going to discuss the formula one first so as to make sure that it is known I am not anti formula. These babies where sleeping with mothers or other people who are not in the habit of waking up at night to nurse. Therefore, their body's and baby's are not on the same wavelength. Formula does not cause co sleeping deaths. 

 

Also, the statistics can be confusing because they state that most babies are African Americans but also states that African Americans account for most of the births so that would be relevant. However, this demographic was the least accepting of the "Back to Sleep" campaign. Though 37% of these infants were on their stomachs or their sides when placed to sleep. I think it is widely known that a newborn is safest while on it's back as to not rebreath the carbon dioxide. Confused yet? Exactly. This all very confusing for mothers. 

 

Now that you know why Milwaukee is doing this here is what I think. I think that when properly done co-sleeping can be highly beneficial for both mom and baby. I think a lot of these deaths where the result of drugs and alcohol. Can't realize you are crushing your baby when you are drunk can you? I don't believe that statistic either. Not all parents will admit to be under the influence of anything when their baby dies. I think these parents should be held accountable. 100% of  co-sleeping deaths here are preventable. Co sleeping death is not SIDS. Let me repeat that. Co sleeping death is not SIDS! When your baby dies from "unsafe sleeping conditions" it did not die of SIDS. SIDS is death of an infant that cannot be explained. Baby dying from suffocation because parent wedged it between themself and the couch is pretty clear. A baby that was smothered did not die from SIDS. Also, SIDS is much more likely to occur when the baby is in a room, alone, and not with the parent. The opposite of co sleeping. With SIDS not much is truly known and there are some things a parent can do to help prevent it but sometimes it does just happen when the parent does everything right. 

 

What needs to happen in my humble opinion? Well, if it where up to me I would be a birth control vigilante and shooting irresponsible woman up with the Depo shot, but it's not so it really is about education. It is very much agreed that a baby should not be ALONE in a bed with pillows, blankets, etc. A baby should never go to sleep with anyone other than their mother and in a safe sleeping environment. So, I feel that co sleeping is getting a bad rap here but part of me understands why Milwaukee is doing this. I don't really have an answer to get through to these parents either. Aaron slept in a "side car" like bed or arms reach co sleeper when he was an infant and Jude sleeps in a pack in play by me. That is where I put them to bed. If they get up and need(ed) to eat, many times they would just stay in bed with me. I would sleep in one position with my arms above and below them like a "mommy shield". I would not move. I even threw out my shoulder from sleeping like this. Call it mother's intuition but I am 100% confidant I will never roll over onto my baby. I sleep much to light. I nurse and every little noise wakes me. I am definitely an advocate for co sleeping if done correctly. Like most issues with parenting there is no black or white. I guess I'm just sad to think of the little babies who lost their lives because a caregiver was careless. And then again, maybe it's for a reason as who knows what their lives may have been. I'll be getting hate mail for that one but I'm just being honest. If people have to be told to "not take drugs", "don't let a baby sleep on the couch", and other "recommendations" then what are they doing being a parent in the first place. This makes me angry but mostly sad. Wouldn't you want to do everything you could to ensure your baby's safety?! I guess somewhere along the way that gets lost and the innocent are the ones who have to pay for it. 

 

All I know is that co sleeping with Aaron and Jude, especially Aaron, was a wonderful and beneficial experience. If parents don't feel comfortable co sleeping that's fine too. All I'm asking is keep baby safe through education not fear. 

 

Here is our little Aaron after birth. How could you not want to hold him close after this?

Oh No She Didn't Go There....Yes, I Did So Deal With It

Normally when I write blogs I have a very specific agenda and it usually relates to an article or news piece. I try to not blog to much about the 2 big topics that usually get a reaction from everyone. You all know what they are and probably have had many heated discussions about them in the past. A few too many drinks at Christmas and all of a sudden you and Grandma are poster children for your party lines ready to disown each other. Anyway, I am of course talking about politics and religion. *A gasp falls over the crowd*...Is this blog world suicide or facebook isolation in the making? Will my friends list suddenly see deep decline for those who disagree with my beliefs? Hmmmm. Maybe. BUT, that's not enough to deter me. Nope, I am going to exercise my right of freedom of speech and accept all comments and debates. See, when I debate about politics or religion I am very open minded for the most part and really try to see other peoples points of view. I do not like to lump everyone into the same party and assume (you know what that makes you) all Republicans and Democrats think the same. This isn't true. There I said it. I mentioned the D word and the R word. Don't get yourself too much into a twist for I am not even going to mention the C word or delve too much into organized religion. Well, not today. And before you decide to label me a bleeding heart liberal, or Democrat, or liberal conservative, or any other group. Stop. I'm none of those things. I belong to the party called Common Sense. I may even run for office for it.

Here is what has me all up in arms in my little blogging world. Two words. Michele Bachmann. Or as I like to jokingly refer to her as Dr. Bachmann as she has referred to herself in the past. Okay, I told myself I wasn't going to just use cheap jabs at why this woman is so grossly unqualified to run for president but try to stick to logical and reasonable arguments. Calling herself Dr. is debatable as she does have a J.D. but most lawyers or other people who hold this degree do not call themselves doctor as it equates one to think of a Ph D of some sort. Back to my concerns and I have many so if you are already up in arms over the mere mention I'm going to discuss politics and one woman in particular maybe you should stop reading now. As John Paul Jones once stated, "I have not yet begun to fight."

So, first of all what the heck is going on with politics now anyway? I mean really? It's like one big giant SNL skit over there on capital hill and all over the country. I feel like anyone can say basically anything no matter how ludicrous and people rally like cattle and say, "Yeah! That sounds good. How else will you fix all of my problems?" One Ms. Bachmann quote that first got me really looking into this lady is this

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. And I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence." 

Ok. Two issues here. First to even imply that the Swine Flu might be some kind of Democratic chemical warfare is so ludicrous and second she was wrong! The epidemic actually began under Gerald Ford's presidency-a republican- but really who cares? Why would this be of any actual concern at all. Ok, so her stupid remark about the Swine Flu isn't really a smoking gun on her credibility but don't despair there's more.

"What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love for liberty. You're the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord. And you put a marker in the ground and paid with the blood of your ancestors."

Actually that was Massachusetts not New Hampshire. You are a congresswoman, please study basic American History. And if you think I'm unfairly beating up on her just because of her "gaffes" in public, that's now true. Both parties have said some pretty stupid shit in public. Obama did fudge the number of states he'd be leading and let's not forget poor Howard Dean and how is maniacal "Hawww" completely destroyed his campaign. And don't even get me started on all the bone head things Biden has said on and off camera. But to really try to make yourself a legitimate option for president running against an incumbent you need to do just a wee bit of research. What I think bothers me the most about this women is she is so blatantly blissfully unaware of the reality around her. Here's a statement she made in 1987..er wait..this was actually yesterday.

"What people recognize is that there's a fear that the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union and our loss militarily going forward." 

Soviet Union???? Last time I checked that ended with Regan just staring daggers at them from across the globe. And even if she just made a mistake and meant lets say Russia, last I checked Russia wasn't really coming after us with any real threat.Yet, just another misfire from the straw poll winner herself. Even with all the word vomit that has spewed from her mouth I suppose there is more to take into account other than the fact she handles the media and interviews about as well as "I'll have to get back to you on what periodicals I read" Sarah Palin (who by the way is looking more and more sane by the day in comparison). Let's look a little bit deeper into Ms. Bachmann's beliefs and how she would run the country. Ok, I'm going to get a little bit into religion here so be warned. Her and her husbands "clinic" essentially is using the mentality that you can "Pray the Gay Away". I'm not kidding. Just pray. Ask God to re-orientate you and you will be saved. You know what, no matter what your beliefs or religions are guess what? America is made of gay people, straight people, transgendered people, Christians, Muslims, Atheists, Jews, black people, white people, Asian people, and a whole mix of others. They should all be treated with respect and have the same rights. I don't give a damn about what any book says. If you are an American you are to be treated equally and with respect. No one should tell you that you need to pray to be something you are not just because they are uncomfortable with your lifestyle. This is probably what infuriates me the most . The fact that this woman is such a blatant bigot and homophobe and makes no excuses for it.  On Gay Marriage

“This is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that.”

The biggest issue? Gay Marriage. Really. I'm pretty sure that the economy, the loss of jobs, the rate of unemployment, being a slave to the foreign oil, job creation, healthcare, social security, and hell even the war on drugs would be a bit more of an issue than two people who are in love making it legal so *gasp* they can share benefits and make end of life decisions for each other. She has even gone as far as signing something called a "Marriage Vow" that basically says to ban pornography, homosexuality is a choice, and that slavery -while not perfect- at least insured that the child would be brought up in a two parent household. Hold the phone.. Did you read this vow Ms. Bachmann before you signed it? It actually included this statement

“Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.” 

Sure, the baby may have had mom and dad but all three of them where considered property and slaves!! “Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet” — run as far away from that sentence as you can, because it is going nowhere good. -Washington Post. If you think I'm being to harsh with the "potential" GOP candidate really think about what she would bring to the table. She confused Waterloo as being the birthplace of John Wayne which it was in fact the birthplace of John Wayne Gacy (you know the guy who dressed like a clown and killed little boys) and has even suggested that dinosaurs where in the Garden of Eden. Sigh. I can't take anymore anti-science rhetoric. I really can't. I really want the whole separation between church and state to hold true. However, it does not. It is the basic foundation on what many of these campaigns are run. It's about who can convince the American people what the truth is without really using any real science or facts. I'm not going to go on a rampage about Creationism and Evolution but I will go out on a limb and say carbon dating is not crap and no dinosaurs and people did not co exist. Sorry. They just didn't. And I don't think I'm being to radical or liberal or anything else. I think I'm just following my party line of common sense. Treat people with respect. Treat them equally. Don't get so caught up in propaganda and talking heads. Listen to what potential candidates are saying and make an educated choice that doesn't have to do with the fact you don't want gays getting married for Christ's sake. That should not dictate your vote. That really is just silly. And no not all Republican's think the way Dr. Bachmann does.  Jon Huntsmans has released a much talked about tweet  

"To be clear. I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. Call me crazy"

Whoa buddy! Be careful with that statement. But he's being honest with what he believes and it actually coincides with what I believe. I tend to base my beliefs on facts and science, HOWEVER, I am open to other theories and thoughts and nothing to me is a closed subject with a final conclusion. That being said, I'm sure if you are even still reading this you have come to the conclusion that no matter what I claim, I must be a liberal or a Democrat. Please don't call me that. I'm simply an American trying to make sense of this mess we call our government. Am I happy with the way things are today? Hell no. The economy is in the shit house and gasoline prices are on the rise everyday. I feel America doesn't make anything anymore and that makes me sad. I want "Made In America" labels to come back to this country. I want this country to produce and money made here to stay here. I want the middle class back and I want people to be held accountable and to contribute to their society. I want people on welfare to take drug tests and no I don't have a problem with having to show ID to vote. I have to show ID to write a check at the post office for crying out loud. I believe in equal rights and gay marriage but am prolife. I also don't like the idea of blaming anyone politician or party for things. One of the responses I'm sure this blog would get is "Well Obama blah blah blah". yeah I know. I'm not writing a pro-Obama blog. Mistakes have been made and I will be listening to all the debates leading up to the next election. Feel free to comment as you see fit. Remember this is my blog therefore my opinions. I'm not trying to push any kind of political agenda, just trying to encourage logical thinking. Try to refrain from name calling as it just lowers your credibility.  As of now, I have no idea who I will vote for but I sure as hell won't vote for Michele Bachmann. But then again she really stands no chance of being elected. We will see her next year on TLC starring in her own reality show. And would I watch it? Hell yes I would.

Vaccinations... Fact or Fiction

So I recently took the boys for their well checks and both where due for vaccinations according to the American Pediatrics Institute. Aaron was due for a follow up Hep A and Jude had MMR, Rotovirus, Hib, and Polio. Now this use to be a much bigger debate when everyone was spooked that vaccines caused autism. That has since been proven over and over again that that is just not the case. However, I don't think the vaccination routine has fully recovered. Parents are still leary about vaccinating their children. It doesn't matter that many diseases that used to kill children have all but been eradicated only to pop back up because the lack of vaccinations.

Sure, I always am a bit worried after the vaccination that Aaron will suddenly stop talking or Jude will have a reaction. Fear that's in place by misleading and inaccurate studies. But the thought of my children getting measles, mumps, or polio is much scarier. The incident of reaction to a vaccine is low and vaccines work about 85%-99% of the time so that's better than zero. There is also the argument that if everyone else is vaccinated why should my child be.

It is true that a single child's chance of catching a disease is low if everyone else is immunized. But your child is also exposed to people other than just those in school. And if one person thinks about skipping vaccines, chances are that others are thinking the same thing. Each child who isn't immunized gives these highly contagious diseases one more chance to spread.

This actually happened between 1989 and 1991 when an epidemic of measles broke out in the United States. Lapsing rates of immunization among preschoolers led to a sharp increase in the number of measles cases, deaths, and children with permanent brain damage. Even in the first half of 2008, the number of cases of measles in the United States more than doubled from comparable time periods in recent years. Most of the cases were among people who had not been vaccinated. Similar outbreaks of  whooping cough struck Japan and the United Kingdom in the 1970s after immunization rates declined.

The fear of autism I think is in the forefront. I don't think parents are entirely convinced that vaccines do not play a part in this. Especially with so many personal stories about the changes in their child shortly after their vaccination. I would never say these parents are wrong. They know their children and behavior but I do not fear this happening to my children. Autism instills fear in all parents especially if your child has risk factors. For example, I did a lot of reading on it when I had Aaron. He is a boy and was born prematurely. Two risk factors. I watched him like a hawk for signs instead of realizing he was just a normal little boy who was a tad behind others his age because technically he was 7wks younger than others his age before he turned one. However, he is a thriving 2 yr old and my fears have all but vanished.

Numerous studies have found no link between vaccines and autism. Likewise, a groundbreaking 2004 report from the Institute of Medicine (IOM) found that thimerosal (an organic mercury compound that's been used as a preservative in vaccines since the 1930s) does not cause autism. Still, some parents have opted not to have their children immunized, putting them at great risk of contracting deadly diseases.

The MMR vaccine, especially, has come under fire despite many scientific reports indicating that there's no clear evidence linking the vaccine to autism. In fact, in 2004 a long-disputed 1998 study that suggested a possible link between autism and the MMR vaccine was retracted. Even before the retraction, not only had other studies found no link, but the controversial 1998 study was rejected by all major health organizations, including the AAP, the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), and the World Health Organization (WHO).

There's also no reason to believe that thimerosal is linked to autism, according to the 2004 IOM report. Nevertheless, in an effort to reduce childhood exposure to mercury and other heavy metals, thimerosal began being removed from kids' vaccines in 1999. Now, vaccines for infants and young children contain no or very little thimerosal. And recent studies have not shown any cognitive and behavioral problems in babies who might have received these thimerosal-containing vaccines.

So what could explain the increased rates of autism in recent years? For one thing, there's a broader definition of autism that can be applied to more kids who show varying degrees of symptoms. A greater awareness of the condition among health professionals also has led to more diagnoses.

And although the number of children diagnosed with autism may be increasing, the rates of MMR vaccination are not. In London, diagnoses of autistic disorders have been on the rise since 1979 but rates of MMR vaccination haven't increased since routine MMR vaccination began in 1988.

In addition, the average age of diagnosis of autism has been found to be the same both in children who have and who have not received the MMR vaccine. What many researchers are discovering is that subtle symptoms of autism are often present before a child's first birthday — sometimes even in early infancy — but often go unnoticed until the symptoms are more obvious to parents. www.kidshealth.org

I am not trying to start a debate on whether you should vaccinate your child or not. It's every parents choice and I respect that. I am, however, defending my decision to vaccinate because sometimes I get grief or sideways looks when I say my children are getting their vaccinations. Like I'm a bad mom for wanting to protect my children against diseases. My suggestion is do your own research like I have and make the decision that feels right for you.

As parents we should be supporting each other instead of judging. I decide to vaccinate and I listed my reasons above. If someone disagrees that's their call. When it comes to medications same thing. Some people are super against taking any meds while others (myself included) find the benefits outway the risks which is what I consider before making any choices. When I was pregnant with Jude I had to take a lot of medication. If I had not then the risk of another abruption was high and I could lose him altogether. Yes, there is always a risk on the unborn baby but I decided the small risk with the medication was a better choice than the huge risk I was taking without it. To each his own. I wanted to write this blog to get this off my chest as I feel sometimes afraid to admit I vaccinate around other moms in fear they will shoot me a 'how dare you' look.

Til next time!

A Walk to Remember..Why It Means Something To Me

I recently posted a link to the Walk To Remember event on facebook. This is a walk to remember all of the babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. This is a topic that often does not get discussed because of the taboo around it or people feel it isn't appropriate. Most often people just don't know what to say. The truth is that more people do need to talk about it and become aware of how unbelievably common it is to lose a baby. Perhaps too common. Everyone probably knows someone who has experience some kind of loss. Yet, the woman who experience this are just expected to move on. Forget it happened. It's easier that way. Well, it's not. For many people they want to talk about it and share but just don't know how. This walk will represent all those affected. I personally know three amazing woman who suffered from stillbirth and infant death. I know even more that have suffered at least one miscarriage. I have suffered a miscarriage. Here is my story.

Adam and I where just getting used to being first time parents. To a premature baby no less! Our wonderful, Aaron, was born at just 33wks and was a mere 5lbs 3oz and was born on July 19, 2009. When we took him home he just barely made 5 pounds. I look back at pictures and can't believe how small he was! It was April of 2010 and I had started to not feel well. I had assumed it was *ahem* Aunt Flo returning for her visit as she decided to return just 3 months after I gave birth. Something about the way I felt was different. I felt sicker and had an instinct that something was just not quite right. After what I would call the worst cramping of my life and several hours in the bathroom I realized what was happening and all the pieces fell into place. I went to the doctor a few days later to confirm what I had already known. I had lost a baby. I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 weeks but as Dr. Seuss would say "person's a person no matter how small." I didn't really know how to react so I just didn't. I told Adam and we just went on with our lives. We didn't tell anyone and some of you reading this may be hearing this for the first time. I apologize for that but after so much time goes by how do you even bring it up? Some of you might be wondering "why the heck is she sharing something so personal?" which is understandable because I really struggled about writing this. My reasons are that an amazing woman has been very vocal about her loss and has inspired me to address my own. I realized I did not give myself the proper mourning or time to process what had happened. I then became pregnant with Jude a few months later and the loss was just a memory. Unlike many woman, during my pregnancy with Jude we found out why I had a placental abruption with Aaron and had a miscarriage. I had a condition called Lupus Anti-Coagulant Disease which makes your blood thick and more prone to clots. We know clots cause miscarriage and abruptions. I feel now that in order for me to move forward I am going to participate and help with this event. It will give me a chance to find peace and closure with my own situation while supporting others as well. The fact that all donations are being donated to amazing charities is even more of a reason.

One of my very best friends lost her baby at 25wks. This was before I had either of my children. I had never known anyone who went through this and didn't know how to respond. I just made myself available to her every step of the way and didn't try to understand but just be supportive. After having my own children, I look back at this event and cannot imagine what she went through. She seems that much more amazing to me today then she did then.

I don't mean for this blog to be a downer and I'm sorry if it makes you sad, but these are just the facts of life. Life can be cruel and unforgiving but it can also be wonderful and exciting. If you can take horrible events and try to find a light at the end of the tunnel, life has a lot more meaning. That's what this event is going to be for everyone. The light in their tunnel to be around friends and families that understand. To encourage people that this doesn't have to be kept a secret and there are others out there that are willing to talk.

facebook link

If you are still reading this then I ask for your support with this walk. Please consider making a donation to the event that will go to several amazing charities. The event blog has all the details. Also, donations are needed to provide participating families with tshirts with their loved ones name as well as basic supplies. Even a pack of 100 plates would be amazing! Visit this site for all the info or you can send me an email at adahlstrom81@gmail.com. http://walktoremembersewi.blogspot.com/.

I realize how very personal this blog is and how much I am sharing. I do this in hopes of encouraging others to share as well. But really my life is an open book and if I think one of my experiences can help someone else than I will tell it. I apologize if you are reading this and becoming increasingly uncomfortable about the personalness (i just made up that word) of it. There are just many aspects of infant loss that need to be addressed. Many states won't recognize a stillbirth as a baby or a person because they didn't take a breath yet if the mother is murdered while pregnant than the person can be charged with both murders. No birth certificates are presented to families of stillbirth yet death certificates are. How hard it must be for a woman to carry her child, a person, for 9 mths to lose that little life and have people tell her it wasn't a person and won't be recognized as such. Very sad. I think I'm going to stop here as not to go on and on. I think I made my point. Thank you for reading and not judging me for revealing such a personal and vulnerable side of myself.

Much Love,
Alex