I Say Co-Sleep, You Say Danger...

For many many years, thousands even, women have slept with their children. Safely, soundly, and comfortably. It would seem like the natural thing to do as your baby after all is an extension of you just outside the womb. Also for breastfeeding it is almost a must or at the very least the most convenient. Speaking of breastfeeding (here I go on my pro breastfeeding horse so be forewarned), when you breastfeed your body and your baby's body are actually riding the same wavelength. Their (baby's) breathing is regulated by your breathing, their heartrate is set to yours, and so on. These are facts not opinions. When Aaron was born prematurely I did extensive research on the things I could do to help him thrive. I was terrified of losing him because of his prematurity. It didn't help the nurses in the NICU said most boys in there where referred to as the "Wimpy White Boy" syndrome because they had less chance of thriving. Nice thing to say to a first time mom scared out of her mind and so far from home.There is no place quite like a hospital's NICU, no place where birth and death exist in such intimate proximity. Here machines dwarf babies whose lungs are too delicate to breathe, whose eyes are too fragile to withstand light, whose translucent skin cannot yet warm their tiny bodies. It's where your heart breaks and swells at the same time. I did all the Kangaroo Care, which is skin to skin contact, and Adam did too. Our little Aaron had to spend the first two weeks of his life hooked up to monitors and machines in a room with strangers. I was determined to do whatever it took to get my little boy home.

Now, here's the thing. At the time, being a first time mom, much was new to me. I had never spent time in a birthing ward so I was not particulary sensitive to my surroundings. Not right away. Though it did strike me as odd that there where so many posters about not smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. Don't most mom's know this?? Then I saw a number of  about to be moms hanging out in their birthing gown in front of the hospital, ready to pop, puffing away as if it was no big deal. Yikes. It was also interesting that there where posters with statistics for African Americans about SIDS or infant deaths aimed at certain demographics. Then it occurred to me that I was in a hospital in the inner city. Where lack of information and education is just the a simple fact. It's not a stereotype and it's not racist. It is what it is and I saw it first hand. I try to be open minded and considerate of others but I was culture shocked all the same. As I looked around at the other little precious babies in the NICU a trend was apparent. These where babies that where born into addiction and poverty. How did I know this? My best friends mother was a nurse there. The stories where beyond sad. Some of their mothers showed up and some of them called and many of them never came back. Being a transfer from little ol Elkhorn, I was certainly in the minority here. I still see these babies in my mind and I still weep for their futures. They didn't ask for this and yet here they are, already in the care of someone else while their mother's party it up and call in to say they are not coming to bathe their newborn because they are too hungover. True story as I heard it first hand. You might be wondering why I'm even bringing this up. It is all relevant you see. It's all relevant to the alarming new epidemic in Milwaukee. Where mortality rates in certain area codes and demographics are the same as some third world countries. Impossible you say? Nope. Fact. You may have seen or heard of it.

Yeah, I was a little disturbed too. But not because of the pictures. Because the fact that there NEEDS to be pictures. And misleading ones at that. I'm going to state some facts from the Milwaukee Health Department and then factor in on some of them.

1. 30 developed and underdeveloped countries have better [infant death] rates than Milwaukee

2.  Milwaukee's infant mortality rate in 2009 was 10.4 deaths for every 1,000 live births, according to the health department.

3. For white babies, it was 5.4. The rate for black babies was nearly three times as high: 14.1.

4 . In Milwaukee around 20% of infant mortality is attributable to a combination of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS),  and Sudden Unexplained Death in infancy (SUDI).  Of these deaths the majority die in an unsafe sleep environment.  

5.100% of co-sleeping deaths in Milwaukee, the babies where formula fed (this does not mean that the formula contributed. I'll get more into this later.)    

6. African Americans carry an unfair burden of safe sleep related infant death. In 2006-2009, 47.4% of Milwaukee births were to African American mothers, yet African American infants represent 72% of all sleep-related deaths.

7. 13% of City of Milwaukee births were to mothers who smoked during pregnancy, yet 51% of infants who died in their sleep had mothers who smoked during pregnancy.

8. 69% of infants who died in their sleep were exposed to secondhand smoke.

9. 79% of the 89 sleep-related deaths from 2006-2009 had documented use of pillows, blankets, quilts, or bumper pads in the sleep area.

10. 69% of all 2006-2009 sleep related deaths involved bed-sharing with adults or siblings.

Co-Sleeping Defined The term “co-sleeping” can be confusing, as it is used both to refer to sharing a bed and sharing a room. To clarify the distinction, many pediatric experts now refer to “bed-sharing” (referring to a infant who is sleeping in the same bed, couch, or other surface where parents or others are sleeping), and “room-sharing” (referring to a infant who is sleeping in the parents’ room, but in their own crib or bassinet). 

Ok, so after reading those you are probably like "co-sleeping bad!". However, these statistics are factual and they are a bit misleading. There are a lot of factors in to why this is happening. I'm going to discuss the formula one first so as to make sure that it is known I am not anti formula. These babies where sleeping with mothers or other people who are not in the habit of waking up at night to nurse. Therefore, their body's and baby's are not on the same wavelength. Formula does not cause co sleeping deaths. 

 

Also, the statistics can be confusing because they state that most babies are African Americans but also states that African Americans account for most of the births so that would be relevant. However, this demographic was the least accepting of the "Back to Sleep" campaign. Though 37% of these infants were on their stomachs or their sides when placed to sleep. I think it is widely known that a newborn is safest while on it's back as to not rebreath the carbon dioxide. Confused yet? Exactly. This all very confusing for mothers. 

 

Now that you know why Milwaukee is doing this here is what I think. I think that when properly done co-sleeping can be highly beneficial for both mom and baby. I think a lot of these deaths where the result of drugs and alcohol. Can't realize you are crushing your baby when you are drunk can you? I don't believe that statistic either. Not all parents will admit to be under the influence of anything when their baby dies. I think these parents should be held accountable. 100% of  co-sleeping deaths here are preventable. Co sleeping death is not SIDS. Let me repeat that. Co sleeping death is not SIDS! When your baby dies from "unsafe sleeping conditions" it did not die of SIDS. SIDS is death of an infant that cannot be explained. Baby dying from suffocation because parent wedged it between themself and the couch is pretty clear. A baby that was smothered did not die from SIDS. Also, SIDS is much more likely to occur when the baby is in a room, alone, and not with the parent. The opposite of co sleeping. With SIDS not much is truly known and there are some things a parent can do to help prevent it but sometimes it does just happen when the parent does everything right. 

 

What needs to happen in my humble opinion? Well, if it where up to me I would be a birth control vigilante and shooting irresponsible woman up with the Depo shot, but it's not so it really is about education. It is very much agreed that a baby should not be ALONE in a bed with pillows, blankets, etc. A baby should never go to sleep with anyone other than their mother and in a safe sleeping environment. So, I feel that co sleeping is getting a bad rap here but part of me understands why Milwaukee is doing this. I don't really have an answer to get through to these parents either. Aaron slept in a "side car" like bed or arms reach co sleeper when he was an infant and Jude sleeps in a pack in play by me. That is where I put them to bed. If they get up and need(ed) to eat, many times they would just stay in bed with me. I would sleep in one position with my arms above and below them like a "mommy shield". I would not move. I even threw out my shoulder from sleeping like this. Call it mother's intuition but I am 100% confidant I will never roll over onto my baby. I sleep much to light. I nurse and every little noise wakes me. I am definitely an advocate for co sleeping if done correctly. Like most issues with parenting there is no black or white. I guess I'm just sad to think of the little babies who lost their lives because a caregiver was careless. And then again, maybe it's for a reason as who knows what their lives may have been. I'll be getting hate mail for that one but I'm just being honest. If people have to be told to "not take drugs", "don't let a baby sleep on the couch", and other "recommendations" then what are they doing being a parent in the first place. This makes me angry but mostly sad. Wouldn't you want to do everything you could to ensure your baby's safety?! I guess somewhere along the way that gets lost and the innocent are the ones who have to pay for it. 

 

All I know is that co sleeping with Aaron and Jude, especially Aaron, was a wonderful and beneficial experience. If parents don't feel comfortable co sleeping that's fine too. All I'm asking is keep baby safe through education not fear. 

 

Here is our little Aaron after birth. How could you not want to hold him close after this?

Response from the Riverside Theater

So, after firing off an email to the Riverside this morning, as I was still peeved about the situation from last night, I didn't expect to get a response so quickly. I am grateful they took me seriously enough to respond in a very timely manner especially on a Sunday. Here is the email I received. Thoughts??

Hi Alexandra,

Thanks for taking the time to write in.  I appreciate you providing information below.  We have to follow artists direction during performances.  Because this was a TV special they could not have people leaving their seats during the performance as they only have one night to get it right.  I'm sorry you were denied the use of the bathroom.  They were not open and were being cleaned as you were told. We had the curveball of the first show going way over on time and thousands on the street waiting to enter for the next show.  We needed to get people out of the venue in a timely manner to ensure those waiting for the next show got in ASAP.  Obviously there should be exceptions to our directions, and your situation is one of them.   I'd be happy to provide you with complimentary tickets to an upcoming show at the Pabst, Riverside or Turner Hall Ballroom and promise that your unfortunate experience will be a learning lesson for our entire organization.

Best,

Ryan Matteson

Pabst Theater | Riverside Theater | Turner Hall Ballroom

rmatteson@pabsttheater.org

twitter.com/pabsttheater

Phone: 414.286.3611

Cell: 262.385.9808

IM: uwmryan1

To Pee or Not To Pee? Is This Even a Question?? My email to the Riverside Theater

Ok, so I ranted a bit on this topic already on my Facebook page. I also said I would post a blog with the email I wrote to the Riverside. To review this briefly, I was recently denied access to use the restrooms at the Kathy Griffin show on Saturday, Feb. 19th, 2011. I was discouraged from using the restroom during and told to "hold it until after" then was denied to even do that! I am not trying to be a big baby about it and want to make that clear. I, however, just get sick of being treated any which way by overzealous staff members. I paid for my ticket to be there remember? I did not just come in off the street and demand to use the restroom. I also don't believe that because I am pregnant I deserve "special treatment". Emptying my bladder hardly seems like "special treatment" but a basic right I should have as a patron of the venue!! I have been known to send off emails in the past when I suspect foul play by businesses, organizations, etc. I believe this is my right as an American to use my free speech and I think a lot of people just play along as to avoid confrontation as it's easier. So, I'll get to it. Here is my email to the Riverside Theater's feedback, ticket sales, management, and PR people. I basically emailed to any contact info I could get.

To Whomever It May Concern,

I recently attended Kathy Griffin's comedy performance on Saturday, Feb.19th, 2011 at 7:00pm at the Riverside. Everything seemed to running smoothly as I settled into my seat. It needs to mentioned that I am currently 9mths pregnant and have other health conditions, but was reassured that my experience would be pleasant and any needs I had would me met.

During the show, which started late and ran long, I was discouraged from leaving my seat to use the bathroom because they were taping. Even the producer of the special made a statement to just "hold it" until the end. If you or anyone you know has ever been pregnant (esp 9mths) this is a tall order to fill. However, I did not want to disturb the taping nor the people around me by barging my belly in and out of my seat. So I simply did as I was told and "held it" until the end of the show. Here is where the problem arises. As soon as Kathy said "Good Night" I got out of my seat and made my way into the lobby to use the much needed restroom. As I approached the entrance not one but four "ushers" stood in my way. They told me I could not use the bathroom. It was being cleaned for the next show. I politely pointed out that I was 9mths pregnant and it was quite an emergency. Also, that I was not allowed to use the restroom during the show and was told to wait until after. The women there (this is on the first level entrance to the lower restrooms) said I could leave and use the restroom at Mo's Bar! Which is a block away. At this point more people are filling out and it is harder for me to move around. I politely again pointed out I am pregnant and she actually said, "Well, you better get there fast then!!" I was appalled as were the people around me. To deny me the use of the restroom at a show I PAID for is utterly ridiculous. I imagine this lady never had a 7lb human laying directly on top of her bladder. If I wasn't about to have an accident right there I would have argued or asked to speak to someone else. My increasing discomfort prevented me from doing this at the time. I simply grabbed my friend and rushed out the door. By the time I got to Mo's I was very uncomfortable and experiencing quite a bit of pain. The hostess there GLADLY let me use the restroom upon seeing my condition, even though I was not planning on staying or purchasing anything there. Having to maneuver my way in a very crowded bar, being pregnant, to get to the restrooms at the back was a challenge. I was bumped into, pushed, shoved, and barely made it in time. Also the hustling around and extra walking is NOT good for my condition as I am high risk and have the possibility of pre-term labor.

I have seen shows at the Pabst and Riverside a number of times. It actually happens to be one of my most favorite venues. This event changed that. The rudeness and callousness I received from your staff was shocking. The lack of sympathy for a pregnant woman in extreme discomfort is terrible. Prolonging being able to go to the bathroom when we need to puts us at risk for UTI's as well as other discomforts on top of creating life. I expect immediate action to resolve this issue. If I don't not get a response back that proper action will be taken, I will have no choice but to inform the media and or seek legal advice of your terrible practices of denying pregnant women the right to use your restroom after denying them during the 2hr show. Your theater should be ashamed and appalled at the practices by your staff under the direction of "security" as they said. Also, the blatantly rude response I received was both embarrassing and hurtful.


Regards,
Alex