Didn't We Almost Have It All

"Didn't we almost have it all
When love was all we had worth giving?
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend
Loving you makes life worth living"

~Whitney Elizabeth Houston (August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012)

During happier and healthier times

Sometime this afternoon Whitney Houston was found dead in a hotel room (at least that's what reports are saying right now.) I just found this out maybe an hour ago and have been reflecting on my feelings on this. I've been watching the Facebook statuses scroll through. Mostly sad, heartbroken, and of course shock. But is it really that shocking? The reason I decided to blog is because I can't sum up how I feel into a status. It will either come off as insensitive or just plain mean. That's not the point. Let me be clear that in no way shape or form am I being mean spirited intentionally. Just giving my thoughts and reaction to not just this news but the issue behind the sadness. Also let me disclaim I realize there's other news going on in the world. I'd like to point out I do blog about many of them. Just not today.

Ok. So I'm going to be brutally honest here because it's my blog and I can. And that's kind of the point. When I read Whitney had passed my first reaction was "that's not that shocking". Yup. That's how I felt. Kind of indifferent and not really shocked. Throw stones but come on people. Lets be honest. You thought it too. Whitney has had a very long and painful struggle with addiction. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, or whatever addiction certainly took it's long hand of pain and held her tightly. This is not speculation. This is fact. She has openly discussed her addictions. Tried and tried again at rehab and continued to fail. Obviously it's too soon to say that she died from a drug overdose but I think it's safe to say that years and years of abuse took a toll. Combine that with the pressures of being incredibly famous, having your career go from on top of the world to a distant memory, and to desperately make a comeback with one of the most train wrecks of a reality show ever  is something very few will understand. 

So Much Pain

This blog is not just a rundown on Whitney's life. It's about the desensitizing that is going on when it comes to substance abuse. Her death just made me think about it a little more. Every year we lose someone we admired, looked up to, idolized, or even loved to substance abuse. The more it happens does not mean it gets easier, however, it doesn't grab you by the seat of your pants like maybe the death of Elvis Presley. He was and is still revered as the King. The greatest ever. Even though he had a huge issue with substance abuse. I think a combination of the death of Kurt Cobain and that you now can get information about anyone in an instant has led to the desensitization of celebrity death when it comes to drug use. I might also mention it's not just celebrities. When we hear of the passing of a former classmate or acquaintance that had a known issue with drugs we weep for their families and loved ones but we also sigh deeply and think to ourselves we saw it coming. Which, by the way, is so very depressing. We should never be like "Well that person was an addict and this is no surprise." Pretty much the whole reaction to the death of Amy Winehouse. Was anyone surprised? I'm sorry right now I am just heartbroken about this whole topic. 

One of the greatest voices never to be heard again

The fact that drug use is so common place, and trust me folks it is, is truly disturbing and we should be much more concerned. Now, I know how hard that is in real life. I have had more than one friend struggle with substance abuse. It's true what they say. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves... but isn't using drugs a cry for help in it's own way? The fact that life is so hard on it's own the person needs a chemical escape is a problem and there's a reason for that deep down somewhere. I"m not going to pretend to be a psychiatrist here but I know what I've seen. There's always another deeper issue that leads to drugs. Also it would appear the "war on drugs" is just a figment of our imagination because there are more people using drugs than ever. They are not the homeless guy under a box either. They are kids, young kids!! dying from inhaling computer cleaner in their bedrooms, they are stay at home moms eating up their kids ritalin to keep up with the day to day pressures, they are the prom queen who tried heroine just once and now is massively addicted, and they are pretty much a huge population of the south who have made meth so popular it has it's own city called Meth Mountain.

What also bothers me is that when someone as famous as Whitney dies is the reaction from others. Many people are very sincere in their feelings but the "I'm so upset I can't stop crying" post from the person who probably just recently made a comment about what a disaster she was is more than just a little pathetic.  Be sad but don't be so freakin' dramatic and now all of a sudden it's about you. People can be so selfish it makes me sick. Also, in her death she will be more respected and revered than in her life. Case in point: Michael Jackson. Where were all these famous people when he was going through all the struggles. Not answering his phone calls that's where. Same with Whitney. A whole bunch of stupid celebrities who haven't said boo about her or worse yet have been using her to make jokes are now all of a sudden grieving her death like the death of their grandmother who raised them. I mean Brooke Shields giving a eulogy at Michael's funeral? WTF? It's the lack of sincerity or lack of actual genuine feelings that bother me. Whitney has been a sick woman for a very long time. Longer than people realize and didn't seem like to many celebrities where by her side then. Nope. Avoided her like the plague. Just like we do when we see a former classmate out at the bar and we know they are a drug user. Don't make eye contact and slowly move into the corner or hold your purse a little tighter. Instead we should initiate conversation because who knows, that little gesture of compassion could really help someone. 

I am guilty of all of this. Lecturing others is not the point. The point is too many people are dying from substance abuse. Too many people are destroying their lives and the lives around them. Too many people just turn a blind eye or cast a judgmental stare instead of offering to help. Man how we love to see others fail. Especially celebrities. Nothing like watching a person fall from grace in a very public way. All I know is that I have had some "not so proud" moments and don't even know how I would handle it if millions of people got to see it happen. Yes, I know. They are celebrities what do they expect? But do we have to pretend that they aren't human beings? Where has the respect for humanity gone? And after these people are gone all of sudden they are martyrs and such talents and amazing and etc etc. Come one. They may have spent the last hours of their lives with a needle in their arm and we are going to talk about how great they where because it makes others more comfortable. How about the cold hard truth? It may make for an awkward eulogy but it may also force people to face the facts.

Some people are just more prone to addiction than others. It's genetic and it's in your dna. I, for example, have an addictive personality. Whether it be cigarettes or donuts. Doesn't really matter what it is. I can overindulge. The fact I know this about myself keeps me away from things that will harm me. This is something I learned about myself the hard way not just by guessing. I do believe addiction is a disease and it's hard to accept that this person wouldn't be doing these things had they not been high. It's much easier to just be pissed and call them a loser.  

Anyway, I hope this blog makes you reflect if even for a moment on someone you know who may have an addiction. Yes, in your head they are a stupid, selfish, loser who doesn't deserve any help. I have felt that way many times too, but I try to be less judgmental. You know what they say. Until you've walked in someone else's shoes don't judge. 

The part of me that was loved Whitney in the 80's and 90's is mourning her death. The adult me is shaking my head at the fact that the next few days will be Whitney mania and all the details on how she died rather than the fact should she have died. 

May all those who lost someone to addiction find peace in your loss. Don't think that I think every addict can be saved. Most can't and most won't ever escape their disease. However, try to do something before it's too late.