A Walk to Remember..Why It Means Something To Me

I recently posted a link to the Walk To Remember event on facebook. This is a walk to remember all of the babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. This is a topic that often does not get discussed because of the taboo around it or people feel it isn't appropriate. Most often people just don't know what to say. The truth is that more people do need to talk about it and become aware of how unbelievably common it is to lose a baby. Perhaps too common. Everyone probably knows someone who has experience some kind of loss. Yet, the woman who experience this are just expected to move on. Forget it happened. It's easier that way. Well, it's not. For many people they want to talk about it and share but just don't know how. This walk will represent all those affected. I personally know three amazing woman who suffered from stillbirth and infant death. I know even more that have suffered at least one miscarriage. I have suffered a miscarriage. Here is my story.

Adam and I where just getting used to being first time parents. To a premature baby no less! Our wonderful, Aaron, was born at just 33wks and was a mere 5lbs 3oz and was born on July 19, 2009. When we took him home he just barely made 5 pounds. I look back at pictures and can't believe how small he was! It was April of 2010 and I had started to not feel well. I had assumed it was *ahem* Aunt Flo returning for her visit as she decided to return just 3 months after I gave birth. Something about the way I felt was different. I felt sicker and had an instinct that something was just not quite right. After what I would call the worst cramping of my life and several hours in the bathroom I realized what was happening and all the pieces fell into place. I went to the doctor a few days later to confirm what I had already known. I had lost a baby. I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 weeks but as Dr. Seuss would say "person's a person no matter how small." I didn't really know how to react so I just didn't. I told Adam and we just went on with our lives. We didn't tell anyone and some of you reading this may be hearing this for the first time. I apologize for that but after so much time goes by how do you even bring it up? Some of you might be wondering "why the heck is she sharing something so personal?" which is understandable because I really struggled about writing this. My reasons are that an amazing woman has been very vocal about her loss and has inspired me to address my own. I realized I did not give myself the proper mourning or time to process what had happened. I then became pregnant with Jude a few months later and the loss was just a memory. Unlike many woman, during my pregnancy with Jude we found out why I had a placental abruption with Aaron and had a miscarriage. I had a condition called Lupus Anti-Coagulant Disease which makes your blood thick and more prone to clots. We know clots cause miscarriage and abruptions. I feel now that in order for me to move forward I am going to participate and help with this event. It will give me a chance to find peace and closure with my own situation while supporting others as well. The fact that all donations are being donated to amazing charities is even more of a reason.

One of my very best friends lost her baby at 25wks. This was before I had either of my children. I had never known anyone who went through this and didn't know how to respond. I just made myself available to her every step of the way and didn't try to understand but just be supportive. After having my own children, I look back at this event and cannot imagine what she went through. She seems that much more amazing to me today then she did then.

I don't mean for this blog to be a downer and I'm sorry if it makes you sad, but these are just the facts of life. Life can be cruel and unforgiving but it can also be wonderful and exciting. If you can take horrible events and try to find a light at the end of the tunnel, life has a lot more meaning. That's what this event is going to be for everyone. The light in their tunnel to be around friends and families that understand. To encourage people that this doesn't have to be kept a secret and there are others out there that are willing to talk.

facebook link

If you are still reading this then I ask for your support with this walk. Please consider making a donation to the event that will go to several amazing charities. The event blog has all the details. Also, donations are needed to provide participating families with tshirts with their loved ones name as well as basic supplies. Even a pack of 100 plates would be amazing! Visit this site for all the info or you can send me an email at adahlstrom81@gmail.com. http://walktoremembersewi.blogspot.com/.

I realize how very personal this blog is and how much I am sharing. I do this in hopes of encouraging others to share as well. But really my life is an open book and if I think one of my experiences can help someone else than I will tell it. I apologize if you are reading this and becoming increasingly uncomfortable about the personalness (i just made up that word) of it. There are just many aspects of infant loss that need to be addressed. Many states won't recognize a stillbirth as a baby or a person because they didn't take a breath yet if the mother is murdered while pregnant than the person can be charged with both murders. No birth certificates are presented to families of stillbirth yet death certificates are. How hard it must be for a woman to carry her child, a person, for 9 mths to lose that little life and have people tell her it wasn't a person and won't be recognized as such. Very sad. I think I'm going to stop here as not to go on and on. I think I made my point. Thank you for reading and not judging me for revealing such a personal and vulnerable side of myself.

Much Love,
Alex