I Say Co-Sleep, You Say Danger...

For many many years, thousands even, women have slept with their children. Safely, soundly, and comfortably. It would seem like the natural thing to do as your baby after all is an extension of you just outside the womb. Also for breastfeeding it is almost a must or at the very least the most convenient. Speaking of breastfeeding (here I go on my pro breastfeeding horse so be forewarned), when you breastfeed your body and your baby's body are actually riding the same wavelength. Their (baby's) breathing is regulated by your breathing, their heartrate is set to yours, and so on. These are facts not opinions. When Aaron was born prematurely I did extensive research on the things I could do to help him thrive. I was terrified of losing him because of his prematurity. It didn't help the nurses in the NICU said most boys in there where referred to as the "Wimpy White Boy" syndrome because they had less chance of thriving. Nice thing to say to a first time mom scared out of her mind and so far from home.There is no place quite like a hospital's NICU, no place where birth and death exist in such intimate proximity. Here machines dwarf babies whose lungs are too delicate to breathe, whose eyes are too fragile to withstand light, whose translucent skin cannot yet warm their tiny bodies. It's where your heart breaks and swells at the same time. I did all the Kangaroo Care, which is skin to skin contact, and Adam did too. Our little Aaron had to spend the first two weeks of his life hooked up to monitors and machines in a room with strangers. I was determined to do whatever it took to get my little boy home.

Now, here's the thing. At the time, being a first time mom, much was new to me. I had never spent time in a birthing ward so I was not particulary sensitive to my surroundings. Not right away. Though it did strike me as odd that there where so many posters about not smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. Don't most mom's know this?? Then I saw a number of  about to be moms hanging out in their birthing gown in front of the hospital, ready to pop, puffing away as if it was no big deal. Yikes. It was also interesting that there where posters with statistics for African Americans about SIDS or infant deaths aimed at certain demographics. Then it occurred to me that I was in a hospital in the inner city. Where lack of information and education is just the a simple fact. It's not a stereotype and it's not racist. It is what it is and I saw it first hand. I try to be open minded and considerate of others but I was culture shocked all the same. As I looked around at the other little precious babies in the NICU a trend was apparent. These where babies that where born into addiction and poverty. How did I know this? My best friends mother was a nurse there. The stories where beyond sad. Some of their mothers showed up and some of them called and many of them never came back. Being a transfer from little ol Elkhorn, I was certainly in the minority here. I still see these babies in my mind and I still weep for their futures. They didn't ask for this and yet here they are, already in the care of someone else while their mother's party it up and call in to say they are not coming to bathe their newborn because they are too hungover. True story as I heard it first hand. You might be wondering why I'm even bringing this up. It is all relevant you see. It's all relevant to the alarming new epidemic in Milwaukee. Where mortality rates in certain area codes and demographics are the same as some third world countries. Impossible you say? Nope. Fact. You may have seen or heard of it.

Yeah, I was a little disturbed too. But not because of the pictures. Because the fact that there NEEDS to be pictures. And misleading ones at that. I'm going to state some facts from the Milwaukee Health Department and then factor in on some of them.

1. 30 developed and underdeveloped countries have better [infant death] rates than Milwaukee

2.  Milwaukee's infant mortality rate in 2009 was 10.4 deaths for every 1,000 live births, according to the health department.

3. For white babies, it was 5.4. The rate for black babies was nearly three times as high: 14.1.

4 . In Milwaukee around 20% of infant mortality is attributable to a combination of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS),  and Sudden Unexplained Death in infancy (SUDI).  Of these deaths the majority die in an unsafe sleep environment.  

5.100% of co-sleeping deaths in Milwaukee, the babies where formula fed (this does not mean that the formula contributed. I'll get more into this later.)    

6. African Americans carry an unfair burden of safe sleep related infant death. In 2006-2009, 47.4% of Milwaukee births were to African American mothers, yet African American infants represent 72% of all sleep-related deaths.

7. 13% of City of Milwaukee births were to mothers who smoked during pregnancy, yet 51% of infants who died in their sleep had mothers who smoked during pregnancy.

8. 69% of infants who died in their sleep were exposed to secondhand smoke.

9. 79% of the 89 sleep-related deaths from 2006-2009 had documented use of pillows, blankets, quilts, or bumper pads in the sleep area.

10. 69% of all 2006-2009 sleep related deaths involved bed-sharing with adults or siblings.

Co-Sleeping Defined The term “co-sleeping” can be confusing, as it is used both to refer to sharing a bed and sharing a room. To clarify the distinction, many pediatric experts now refer to “bed-sharing” (referring to a infant who is sleeping in the same bed, couch, or other surface where parents or others are sleeping), and “room-sharing” (referring to a infant who is sleeping in the parents’ room, but in their own crib or bassinet). 

Ok, so after reading those you are probably like "co-sleeping bad!". However, these statistics are factual and they are a bit misleading. There are a lot of factors in to why this is happening. I'm going to discuss the formula one first so as to make sure that it is known I am not anti formula. These babies where sleeping with mothers or other people who are not in the habit of waking up at night to nurse. Therefore, their body's and baby's are not on the same wavelength. Formula does not cause co sleeping deaths. 

 

Also, the statistics can be confusing because they state that most babies are African Americans but also states that African Americans account for most of the births so that would be relevant. However, this demographic was the least accepting of the "Back to Sleep" campaign. Though 37% of these infants were on their stomachs or their sides when placed to sleep. I think it is widely known that a newborn is safest while on it's back as to not rebreath the carbon dioxide. Confused yet? Exactly. This all very confusing for mothers. 

 

Now that you know why Milwaukee is doing this here is what I think. I think that when properly done co-sleeping can be highly beneficial for both mom and baby. I think a lot of these deaths where the result of drugs and alcohol. Can't realize you are crushing your baby when you are drunk can you? I don't believe that statistic either. Not all parents will admit to be under the influence of anything when their baby dies. I think these parents should be held accountable. 100% of  co-sleeping deaths here are preventable. Co sleeping death is not SIDS. Let me repeat that. Co sleeping death is not SIDS! When your baby dies from "unsafe sleeping conditions" it did not die of SIDS. SIDS is death of an infant that cannot be explained. Baby dying from suffocation because parent wedged it between themself and the couch is pretty clear. A baby that was smothered did not die from SIDS. Also, SIDS is much more likely to occur when the baby is in a room, alone, and not with the parent. The opposite of co sleeping. With SIDS not much is truly known and there are some things a parent can do to help prevent it but sometimes it does just happen when the parent does everything right. 

 

What needs to happen in my humble opinion? Well, if it where up to me I would be a birth control vigilante and shooting irresponsible woman up with the Depo shot, but it's not so it really is about education. It is very much agreed that a baby should not be ALONE in a bed with pillows, blankets, etc. A baby should never go to sleep with anyone other than their mother and in a safe sleeping environment. So, I feel that co sleeping is getting a bad rap here but part of me understands why Milwaukee is doing this. I don't really have an answer to get through to these parents either. Aaron slept in a "side car" like bed or arms reach co sleeper when he was an infant and Jude sleeps in a pack in play by me. That is where I put them to bed. If they get up and need(ed) to eat, many times they would just stay in bed with me. I would sleep in one position with my arms above and below them like a "mommy shield". I would not move. I even threw out my shoulder from sleeping like this. Call it mother's intuition but I am 100% confidant I will never roll over onto my baby. I sleep much to light. I nurse and every little noise wakes me. I am definitely an advocate for co sleeping if done correctly. Like most issues with parenting there is no black or white. I guess I'm just sad to think of the little babies who lost their lives because a caregiver was careless. And then again, maybe it's for a reason as who knows what their lives may have been. I'll be getting hate mail for that one but I'm just being honest. If people have to be told to "not take drugs", "don't let a baby sleep on the couch", and other "recommendations" then what are they doing being a parent in the first place. This makes me angry but mostly sad. Wouldn't you want to do everything you could to ensure your baby's safety?! I guess somewhere along the way that gets lost and the innocent are the ones who have to pay for it. 

 

All I know is that co sleeping with Aaron and Jude, especially Aaron, was a wonderful and beneficial experience. If parents don't feel comfortable co sleeping that's fine too. All I'm asking is keep baby safe through education not fear. 

 

Here is our little Aaron after birth. How could you not want to hold him close after this?

Oh No She Didn't Go There....Yes, I Did So Deal With It

Normally when I write blogs I have a very specific agenda and it usually relates to an article or news piece. I try to not blog to much about the 2 big topics that usually get a reaction from everyone. You all know what they are and probably have had many heated discussions about them in the past. A few too many drinks at Christmas and all of a sudden you and Grandma are poster children for your party lines ready to disown each other. Anyway, I am of course talking about politics and religion. *A gasp falls over the crowd*...Is this blog world suicide or facebook isolation in the making? Will my friends list suddenly see deep decline for those who disagree with my beliefs? Hmmmm. Maybe. BUT, that's not enough to deter me. Nope, I am going to exercise my right of freedom of speech and accept all comments and debates. See, when I debate about politics or religion I am very open minded for the most part and really try to see other peoples points of view. I do not like to lump everyone into the same party and assume (you know what that makes you) all Republicans and Democrats think the same. This isn't true. There I said it. I mentioned the D word and the R word. Don't get yourself too much into a twist for I am not even going to mention the C word or delve too much into organized religion. Well, not today. And before you decide to label me a bleeding heart liberal, or Democrat, or liberal conservative, or any other group. Stop. I'm none of those things. I belong to the party called Common Sense. I may even run for office for it.

Here is what has me all up in arms in my little blogging world. Two words. Michele Bachmann. Or as I like to jokingly refer to her as Dr. Bachmann as she has referred to herself in the past. Okay, I told myself I wasn't going to just use cheap jabs at why this woman is so grossly unqualified to run for president but try to stick to logical and reasonable arguments. Calling herself Dr. is debatable as she does have a J.D. but most lawyers or other people who hold this degree do not call themselves doctor as it equates one to think of a Ph D of some sort. Back to my concerns and I have many so if you are already up in arms over the mere mention I'm going to discuss politics and one woman in particular maybe you should stop reading now. As John Paul Jones once stated, "I have not yet begun to fight."

So, first of all what the heck is going on with politics now anyway? I mean really? It's like one big giant SNL skit over there on capital hill and all over the country. I feel like anyone can say basically anything no matter how ludicrous and people rally like cattle and say, "Yeah! That sounds good. How else will you fix all of my problems?" One Ms. Bachmann quote that first got me really looking into this lady is this

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. And I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence." 

Ok. Two issues here. First to even imply that the Swine Flu might be some kind of Democratic chemical warfare is so ludicrous and second she was wrong! The epidemic actually began under Gerald Ford's presidency-a republican- but really who cares? Why would this be of any actual concern at all. Ok, so her stupid remark about the Swine Flu isn't really a smoking gun on her credibility but don't despair there's more.

"What I love about New Hampshire and what we have in common is our extreme love for liberty. You're the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord. And you put a marker in the ground and paid with the blood of your ancestors."

Actually that was Massachusetts not New Hampshire. You are a congresswoman, please study basic American History. And if you think I'm unfairly beating up on her just because of her "gaffes" in public, that's now true. Both parties have said some pretty stupid shit in public. Obama did fudge the number of states he'd be leading and let's not forget poor Howard Dean and how is maniacal "Hawww" completely destroyed his campaign. And don't even get me started on all the bone head things Biden has said on and off camera. But to really try to make yourself a legitimate option for president running against an incumbent you need to do just a wee bit of research. What I think bothers me the most about this women is she is so blatantly blissfully unaware of the reality around her. Here's a statement she made in 1987..er wait..this was actually yesterday.

"What people recognize is that there's a fear that the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union and our loss militarily going forward." 

Soviet Union???? Last time I checked that ended with Regan just staring daggers at them from across the globe. And even if she just made a mistake and meant lets say Russia, last I checked Russia wasn't really coming after us with any real threat.Yet, just another misfire from the straw poll winner herself. Even with all the word vomit that has spewed from her mouth I suppose there is more to take into account other than the fact she handles the media and interviews about as well as "I'll have to get back to you on what periodicals I read" Sarah Palin (who by the way is looking more and more sane by the day in comparison). Let's look a little bit deeper into Ms. Bachmann's beliefs and how she would run the country. Ok, I'm going to get a little bit into religion here so be warned. Her and her husbands "clinic" essentially is using the mentality that you can "Pray the Gay Away". I'm not kidding. Just pray. Ask God to re-orientate you and you will be saved. You know what, no matter what your beliefs or religions are guess what? America is made of gay people, straight people, transgendered people, Christians, Muslims, Atheists, Jews, black people, white people, Asian people, and a whole mix of others. They should all be treated with respect and have the same rights. I don't give a damn about what any book says. If you are an American you are to be treated equally and with respect. No one should tell you that you need to pray to be something you are not just because they are uncomfortable with your lifestyle. This is probably what infuriates me the most . The fact that this woman is such a blatant bigot and homophobe and makes no excuses for it.  On Gay Marriage

“This is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the last, at least, thirty years. I am not understating that.”

The biggest issue? Gay Marriage. Really. I'm pretty sure that the economy, the loss of jobs, the rate of unemployment, being a slave to the foreign oil, job creation, healthcare, social security, and hell even the war on drugs would be a bit more of an issue than two people who are in love making it legal so *gasp* they can share benefits and make end of life decisions for each other. She has even gone as far as signing something called a "Marriage Vow" that basically says to ban pornography, homosexuality is a choice, and that slavery -while not perfect- at least insured that the child would be brought up in a two parent household. Hold the phone.. Did you read this vow Ms. Bachmann before you signed it? It actually included this statement

“Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.” 

Sure, the baby may have had mom and dad but all three of them where considered property and slaves!! “Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet” — run as far away from that sentence as you can, because it is going nowhere good. -Washington Post. If you think I'm being to harsh with the "potential" GOP candidate really think about what she would bring to the table. She confused Waterloo as being the birthplace of John Wayne which it was in fact the birthplace of John Wayne Gacy (you know the guy who dressed like a clown and killed little boys) and has even suggested that dinosaurs where in the Garden of Eden. Sigh. I can't take anymore anti-science rhetoric. I really can't. I really want the whole separation between church and state to hold true. However, it does not. It is the basic foundation on what many of these campaigns are run. It's about who can convince the American people what the truth is without really using any real science or facts. I'm not going to go on a rampage about Creationism and Evolution but I will go out on a limb and say carbon dating is not crap and no dinosaurs and people did not co exist. Sorry. They just didn't. And I don't think I'm being to radical or liberal or anything else. I think I'm just following my party line of common sense. Treat people with respect. Treat them equally. Don't get so caught up in propaganda and talking heads. Listen to what potential candidates are saying and make an educated choice that doesn't have to do with the fact you don't want gays getting married for Christ's sake. That should not dictate your vote. That really is just silly. And no not all Republican's think the way Dr. Bachmann does.  Jon Huntsmans has released a much talked about tweet  

"To be clear. I believe in evolution and trust scientists on global warming. Call me crazy"

Whoa buddy! Be careful with that statement. But he's being honest with what he believes and it actually coincides with what I believe. I tend to base my beliefs on facts and science, HOWEVER, I am open to other theories and thoughts and nothing to me is a closed subject with a final conclusion. That being said, I'm sure if you are even still reading this you have come to the conclusion that no matter what I claim, I must be a liberal or a Democrat. Please don't call me that. I'm simply an American trying to make sense of this mess we call our government. Am I happy with the way things are today? Hell no. The economy is in the shit house and gasoline prices are on the rise everyday. I feel America doesn't make anything anymore and that makes me sad. I want "Made In America" labels to come back to this country. I want this country to produce and money made here to stay here. I want the middle class back and I want people to be held accountable and to contribute to their society. I want people on welfare to take drug tests and no I don't have a problem with having to show ID to vote. I have to show ID to write a check at the post office for crying out loud. I believe in equal rights and gay marriage but am prolife. I also don't like the idea of blaming anyone politician or party for things. One of the responses I'm sure this blog would get is "Well Obama blah blah blah". yeah I know. I'm not writing a pro-Obama blog. Mistakes have been made and I will be listening to all the debates leading up to the next election. Feel free to comment as you see fit. Remember this is my blog therefore my opinions. I'm not trying to push any kind of political agenda, just trying to encourage logical thinking. Try to refrain from name calling as it just lowers your credibility.  As of now, I have no idea who I will vote for but I sure as hell won't vote for Michele Bachmann. But then again she really stands no chance of being elected. We will see her next year on TLC starring in her own reality show. And would I watch it? Hell yes I would.

Vaccinations... Fact or Fiction

So I recently took the boys for their well checks and both where due for vaccinations according to the American Pediatrics Institute. Aaron was due for a follow up Hep A and Jude had MMR, Rotovirus, Hib, and Polio. Now this use to be a much bigger debate when everyone was spooked that vaccines caused autism. That has since been proven over and over again that that is just not the case. However, I don't think the vaccination routine has fully recovered. Parents are still leary about vaccinating their children. It doesn't matter that many diseases that used to kill children have all but been eradicated only to pop back up because the lack of vaccinations.

Sure, I always am a bit worried after the vaccination that Aaron will suddenly stop talking or Jude will have a reaction. Fear that's in place by misleading and inaccurate studies. But the thought of my children getting measles, mumps, or polio is much scarier. The incident of reaction to a vaccine is low and vaccines work about 85%-99% of the time so that's better than zero. There is also the argument that if everyone else is vaccinated why should my child be.

It is true that a single child's chance of catching a disease is low if everyone else is immunized. But your child is also exposed to people other than just those in school. And if one person thinks about skipping vaccines, chances are that others are thinking the same thing. Each child who isn't immunized gives these highly contagious diseases one more chance to spread.

This actually happened between 1989 and 1991 when an epidemic of measles broke out in the United States. Lapsing rates of immunization among preschoolers led to a sharp increase in the number of measles cases, deaths, and children with permanent brain damage. Even in the first half of 2008, the number of cases of measles in the United States more than doubled from comparable time periods in recent years. Most of the cases were among people who had not been vaccinated. Similar outbreaks of  whooping cough struck Japan and the United Kingdom in the 1970s after immunization rates declined.

The fear of autism I think is in the forefront. I don't think parents are entirely convinced that vaccines do not play a part in this. Especially with so many personal stories about the changes in their child shortly after their vaccination. I would never say these parents are wrong. They know their children and behavior but I do not fear this happening to my children. Autism instills fear in all parents especially if your child has risk factors. For example, I did a lot of reading on it when I had Aaron. He is a boy and was born prematurely. Two risk factors. I watched him like a hawk for signs instead of realizing he was just a normal little boy who was a tad behind others his age because technically he was 7wks younger than others his age before he turned one. However, he is a thriving 2 yr old and my fears have all but vanished.

Numerous studies have found no link between vaccines and autism. Likewise, a groundbreaking 2004 report from the Institute of Medicine (IOM) found that thimerosal (an organic mercury compound that's been used as a preservative in vaccines since the 1930s) does not cause autism. Still, some parents have opted not to have their children immunized, putting them at great risk of contracting deadly diseases.

The MMR vaccine, especially, has come under fire despite many scientific reports indicating that there's no clear evidence linking the vaccine to autism. In fact, in 2004 a long-disputed 1998 study that suggested a possible link between autism and the MMR vaccine was retracted. Even before the retraction, not only had other studies found no link, but the controversial 1998 study was rejected by all major health organizations, including the AAP, the National Institutes of Health (NIH), the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), and the World Health Organization (WHO).

There's also no reason to believe that thimerosal is linked to autism, according to the 2004 IOM report. Nevertheless, in an effort to reduce childhood exposure to mercury and other heavy metals, thimerosal began being removed from kids' vaccines in 1999. Now, vaccines for infants and young children contain no or very little thimerosal. And recent studies have not shown any cognitive and behavioral problems in babies who might have received these thimerosal-containing vaccines.

So what could explain the increased rates of autism in recent years? For one thing, there's a broader definition of autism that can be applied to more kids who show varying degrees of symptoms. A greater awareness of the condition among health professionals also has led to more diagnoses.

And although the number of children diagnosed with autism may be increasing, the rates of MMR vaccination are not. In London, diagnoses of autistic disorders have been on the rise since 1979 but rates of MMR vaccination haven't increased since routine MMR vaccination began in 1988.

In addition, the average age of diagnosis of autism has been found to be the same both in children who have and who have not received the MMR vaccine. What many researchers are discovering is that subtle symptoms of autism are often present before a child's first birthday — sometimes even in early infancy — but often go unnoticed until the symptoms are more obvious to parents. www.kidshealth.org

I am not trying to start a debate on whether you should vaccinate your child or not. It's every parents choice and I respect that. I am, however, defending my decision to vaccinate because sometimes I get grief or sideways looks when I say my children are getting their vaccinations. Like I'm a bad mom for wanting to protect my children against diseases. My suggestion is do your own research like I have and make the decision that feels right for you.

As parents we should be supporting each other instead of judging. I decide to vaccinate and I listed my reasons above. If someone disagrees that's their call. When it comes to medications same thing. Some people are super against taking any meds while others (myself included) find the benefits outway the risks which is what I consider before making any choices. When I was pregnant with Jude I had to take a lot of medication. If I had not then the risk of another abruption was high and I could lose him altogether. Yes, there is always a risk on the unborn baby but I decided the small risk with the medication was a better choice than the huge risk I was taking without it. To each his own. I wanted to write this blog to get this off my chest as I feel sometimes afraid to admit I vaccinate around other moms in fear they will shoot me a 'how dare you' look.

Til next time!

A Walk to Remember..Why It Means Something To Me

I recently posted a link to the Walk To Remember event on facebook. This is a walk to remember all of the babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. This is a topic that often does not get discussed because of the taboo around it or people feel it isn't appropriate. Most often people just don't know what to say. The truth is that more people do need to talk about it and become aware of how unbelievably common it is to lose a baby. Perhaps too common. Everyone probably knows someone who has experience some kind of loss. Yet, the woman who experience this are just expected to move on. Forget it happened. It's easier that way. Well, it's not. For many people they want to talk about it and share but just don't know how. This walk will represent all those affected. I personally know three amazing woman who suffered from stillbirth and infant death. I know even more that have suffered at least one miscarriage. I have suffered a miscarriage. Here is my story.

Adam and I where just getting used to being first time parents. To a premature baby no less! Our wonderful, Aaron, was born at just 33wks and was a mere 5lbs 3oz and was born on July 19, 2009. When we took him home he just barely made 5 pounds. I look back at pictures and can't believe how small he was! It was April of 2010 and I had started to not feel well. I had assumed it was *ahem* Aunt Flo returning for her visit as she decided to return just 3 months after I gave birth. Something about the way I felt was different. I felt sicker and had an instinct that something was just not quite right. After what I would call the worst cramping of my life and several hours in the bathroom I realized what was happening and all the pieces fell into place. I went to the doctor a few days later to confirm what I had already known. I had lost a baby. I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 weeks but as Dr. Seuss would say "person's a person no matter how small." I didn't really know how to react so I just didn't. I told Adam and we just went on with our lives. We didn't tell anyone and some of you reading this may be hearing this for the first time. I apologize for that but after so much time goes by how do you even bring it up? Some of you might be wondering "why the heck is she sharing something so personal?" which is understandable because I really struggled about writing this. My reasons are that an amazing woman has been very vocal about her loss and has inspired me to address my own. I realized I did not give myself the proper mourning or time to process what had happened. I then became pregnant with Jude a few months later and the loss was just a memory. Unlike many woman, during my pregnancy with Jude we found out why I had a placental abruption with Aaron and had a miscarriage. I had a condition called Lupus Anti-Coagulant Disease which makes your blood thick and more prone to clots. We know clots cause miscarriage and abruptions. I feel now that in order for me to move forward I am going to participate and help with this event. It will give me a chance to find peace and closure with my own situation while supporting others as well. The fact that all donations are being donated to amazing charities is even more of a reason.

One of my very best friends lost her baby at 25wks. This was before I had either of my children. I had never known anyone who went through this and didn't know how to respond. I just made myself available to her every step of the way and didn't try to understand but just be supportive. After having my own children, I look back at this event and cannot imagine what she went through. She seems that much more amazing to me today then she did then.

I don't mean for this blog to be a downer and I'm sorry if it makes you sad, but these are just the facts of life. Life can be cruel and unforgiving but it can also be wonderful and exciting. If you can take horrible events and try to find a light at the end of the tunnel, life has a lot more meaning. That's what this event is going to be for everyone. The light in their tunnel to be around friends and families that understand. To encourage people that this doesn't have to be kept a secret and there are others out there that are willing to talk.

facebook link

If you are still reading this then I ask for your support with this walk. Please consider making a donation to the event that will go to several amazing charities. The event blog has all the details. Also, donations are needed to provide participating families with tshirts with their loved ones name as well as basic supplies. Even a pack of 100 plates would be amazing! Visit this site for all the info or you can send me an email at adahlstrom81@gmail.com. http://walktoremembersewi.blogspot.com/.

I realize how very personal this blog is and how much I am sharing. I do this in hopes of encouraging others to share as well. But really my life is an open book and if I think one of my experiences can help someone else than I will tell it. I apologize if you are reading this and becoming increasingly uncomfortable about the personalness (i just made up that word) of it. There are just many aspects of infant loss that need to be addressed. Many states won't recognize a stillbirth as a baby or a person because they didn't take a breath yet if the mother is murdered while pregnant than the person can be charged with both murders. No birth certificates are presented to families of stillbirth yet death certificates are. How hard it must be for a woman to carry her child, a person, for 9 mths to lose that little life and have people tell her it wasn't a person and won't be recognized as such. Very sad. I think I'm going to stop here as not to go on and on. I think I made my point. Thank you for reading and not judging me for revealing such a personal and vulnerable side of myself.

Much Love,
Alex

The SAHM Adventure begins to end

So, I have realized I haven't blogged in well over a month. Not that I haven't had anything to say! If you know me you know I have something to say pretty much always. This summer has been jam packed with activities, birthdays, get togethers, weddings, etc. I can not even believe that Aaron just turned two and Jude is almost 5mths. I really feel I should start researching the flux capacitor to stop this all from happening so fast!

Much of my blog shared my feelings on motherhood and adjusting to life at home with my boys. I've been home since October and have really enjoyed the time with my family. My sister was also on maternity leave for 12wks and I LOVED talking to her everyday. Alas, she went back to work and I was super bummed. I know she  was too and it's not that we don't talk any less (I call her constantly anyway) but I always felt I had a kinship with her staying at home with her babies and me with mine.

So the real point of my blog is my decision to go back to work. I know, I know. I made such a big deal about staying home and all that goes with it. A few reasons why I have decided to go back: first of all finances, which should be no real big surprise. Very few people can afford to have just one parent work. While we where able to make ends meet, it was difficult and the cutbacks where brutal. There are just some things I am not willing to give up. Call me selfish or whatever but I am not thrilled of the idea of staying at home always because we can't afford to do anything! Also, I want to be able to really save for our kids. While Adam's income keeps us afloat I was able to pitch in with the pet sitting. I love pet sitting but there is no consistency to it. This summer has been super busy with jobs  so it's been ok. Secondly, honestly, I miss working. Let me rephrase that. I miss working with a purpose. I enjoy working non profit and really miss that. Adam tells me he misses the fire and passion I exuded when I worked at the shelter. Working really hard for a cause that was truly a passion for me. The for profit world is not for me. I like a job with a purpose. This is not to say I won't work for a for profit. I may have to while I search for the right non profit job. That being said, I have begun the process of looking for a new job. More on that later. The last reason I want to work is it really is who I am. My mental health seems to suffer when I'm not working. Don't misunderstand, I love my children more than anything in this world but I have a hard time when I'm home and separated from the world. I miss adults! I miss conversation that isn't revolved around the incredible amounts of poop and puked I had to clean. Both human and animal!

So, the job hunt begins. And let me tell you, I walked into a whole new world! The last time I interviewed for a job was for the shelter about 10yrs ago and this was to be a animal caretaker. Interview was pretty laidback and the position seemed like a good fit for me. Up until then any job I had ever applied for I had gotten. So when I was hired at the shelter it just felt natural. Fast forward 10yrs later when I am back on the job market and facing the real world once again. First up, I need a resume. Never did a resume because I never needed one. So with a little (ok a lot) of help from my sister who does H.R. we came up with a stellar resume. My previous employer was also gracious enough to write a letter of recommendation for me. That with a good cover letter I felt I was all set. With my experience and charismatic personality how could someone not hire me? I really thought that I would pick a job I wanted and get hired right away. I was wrong. So far I have applied to numerous non profits for numerous positions. So many I can't even keep it straight. I also realized that it sometimes takes an organization 2wks to a month to get in touch with you! When I was about to give up I got an email from the American Diabetes Association for a position as an Associate Fundraising Manager . They want to do an interview! I'm thinking yes! This is it! Then I'm thinking, wait...crap. How do I do an interview now? I'm fretting over everything from potential questions, what the hell my weaknesses are, also my strengths, and what in God's name am I going to wear! Again, Angie to the rescue for clothes and some tips. My bestie, Jen, was gracious enough to give me a mock interview so I felt more confident. I walked into the office and there where 3 people interviewing me! Was not expecting this. But I'm confident in my abilities and knew I can handle this. The interview went great I felt. They said they would be in touch, as they always do, so I figured I'd be waiting another few weeks. So imagine my surprise when I got an email the very next morning wanting a second interview with the Executive Director. They had narrowed it down to 2 possible candidates and I was one of them. After what I felt was another great interview, I waited anxiously for their decision. Finally, last Thursday I was informed they went with the other candidate. Dammit! However, they where nice enough to tell me how impressed they where with me and I came in a very very close second. I felt ok and thought at least that was a good learning experience for me. My first real interview was not a total diseaster.

I then got an email from the Muscular Dystrophy Association inquiring about doing a phone interview for their Executive Director position. Now I applied to this on a whim considering it is a pretty big job. I was quite surprised I was chosen for an interview. The phone interview went well and the Regional Coordinator said she would pick 2-3 people by the end of the week for in person interviews in Brookfield. I had no idea if I would be qualified for this position. Again, to my surprise, she contacted me the next morning and set up an in person interview with her, the Regional Director, and the Divisional VP! Yipes! This was serious and I had to step up my game and remain calm. Didn't help the in person interview was on the hottest day ever with a heat index of 115 and when I'm nervous I already sweat like I'm in a rain forest. I really prepared myself for this interview, walked in with confidence, all my paperwork, and a huge smile and great attitude. This was a tough one. Again 3 people firing questions at me and me trying to do my best to answer them in a coherent way on the spot. I take pride in my ability to be rather well spoken but can still get tripped up now and again. After the interview (which was over an hour) I thanked everyone by name and went on my way. They are suppose to let me know this week if I am chosen or if I again came in at a very very close second!

In the meantime I have applied to several other organizations including the American Cancer Society, Leukemia and Lymphoma, The Boys and Girls Club, and even the Girls Scouts of America to name a few. So the wait is on. If I cannot find a position with a non profit I plan on finding some administrative job and continue my education. Well, I plan on continuing my education anyway, but one thing at a time.

So I will try to keep everyone up to speed on my job hunt and if anyone has any leads let me know! I am excited about the prospect of working for a cause I can believe in, but the thought of leaving my boys still ways heavy on my heart. I try to tell myself it will be good for them (especially Aaron a.k.a. Seabass) to interact with other children. But Jude, I just want to scoop him up and put him in my pocket and take him with me. But I know this is the right decision for me and my family. This does not mean that I have changed my views on Stay at Home Moms. If anything I am more in awe on how they do it.

Krupuk Udang

 So, wish me luck on my job search. Big changes could be in the very near future for the Dahlstroms and sometimes change is good. Although I'm last person who likes change. I fear change but I've learned to face my fears. I typically include a recipe in my blog, but with this summer, I haven't really cooked a whole lot. I've made some of my staple dishes and have experimented more with my Indonesian cuisine. So I am going to suggest everyone look up Krupak Udang. They are a tasty Indonesian treat my family rarely goes without. You can find it at Asian Supermarkets or online trust me, once you try them you'll wonder how you ever went through life without them! I'll even through in a picture! If you are going to try Krupuk than you have to include Sambal Oelek (if you like things spicy there is nothing better than this)! 

Sambal Oelek

"Hey! Teacher! Leave Them Kids Alone" ..Unless they hit you first

When I was going through school it would never ever occur to me to stand up to a teacher. I was taught to respect teachers, adults, and other people of authority. After all I was just a kid and had to do what I was told. When did our society take such a huge leap off the humanity bridge?? I say this because I firmly believe that kids these days have no respect. Ok, so I know I sound like our grandparents and every other generation of adult. But seriously, kids these days really lack a certain respect we were taught. I make this conclusion from my own observations and from stories from my friends who are teachers or day care workers. So, no, not all children and teens are bad. I know this. But for some reason the ones I encounter I want to slap in the face and say "Didn't your parents teach you any manners?" But I digress....

There was an incident in Florida where a high school teacher slaps her student a couple of times. Terrible right? Well, as it turns out she was acting in self defense. The teacher has been teaching for 23 years and has never been disciplined for anything. The student was much taller and cornered her in the classroom. While hovering over this 63yr old woman he calls her vulgar names and allegedly pushes her into the wall. This is where Muhammad Ali's mom throws down. Now I watched the cell phone video and it is hard to tell if he hit her first or what happened. What is clear is he was trying to intimidate her and was clearly making her feel threatened. She is heard telling him to back away. He does not.

If this was my child he would have a first class ticket to that show scared straight and I would need some parenting classes. First of all, this kid should know better. There is nothing this teacher could have done to him that excuses backing her into a corner and threatening her. Secondly, why does this kid think he can do this?? Have his parents not taught him to not beat up old ladies (ok, 63 is not old but you get what I mean)? Yes, this kid deserves to be punished, and by the way things are going these days I'm sure his parents will be on the Today show with their lawyer saying they will be pressing charges. What message will that send? It's ok to beat up your teachers and if they retaliate you can sue them. Sickening. I think people are becoming way to soft handed when it comes to disciplining their children. Yes, I do think that this case is matter of this kid not being disciplined at home. Now will never learn his lesson and probably end up in jail where we will pay for his continued education.

Don't take this the wrong way. I am not implying you should beat your children. However, a spank now and again is sometimes needed. However, I do think that there should be consequences to bad behavior. I recently read that "timeouts" are humiliating so we shouldn't do them. This is what I am talking about! If a kid is made aware that his actions where hurtful and feels bad about it then just maybe he won't do it again. I know if I even talked back to a teacher and my dad was called that would be the end of my already limited social life. I spent a lot of my tween and teen years reading and rereading my R.L.Stine collection in my room. Parents used to believe teachers, now it seems it's the kids who call the shots.

What do you think friends especially those who are teachers? Did this teacher go to far or not far enough? What if this was your kid or student?

In light of the teacher discussion here's a recipe for my Apple Crisp

 4-5-large gala apples
1/2 C of flour
1/2 C of brown sugar
1/2 tbl of cinnamon
1 tsp of nutmeg
1/2 regular oatmeal
1/2 C of butter softened

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees
-Peel, core, and cut the apples in wedges
-lightly grease an 8x8 square pan
-place the apple in the pan
-mix the flour, oats, brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a small bowl
-fold in the butter
-Apply the mixture the apples and gather together with hands
-Add a few pads of butter to the top to help with browning
-Bake for about 15-20min or until the apples are soft and golden
Serve with vanilla ice cream

Excuse Me Ma'am, Your Baby is Showing, Breastfeeding in Public

I think this post may be long overdue for me. This is an issue that I feel very strongly about and try to be as much of an advocate for breastfeeding as possible. Today I came across this article and it sent me into a rage. Basically, a women was breastfeeding her 11mth old in a store using a carrier and cover (although that is not necessary BY LAW) and the store owner asked her to either go to a different store, go outside, or just stop. She couldn't believe what she was hearing and the store owner's defense is "there's a time and place to breastfeed". Yeah, it's called when your baby is hungry.

Here is the link to the story
http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/news/local/chibrknews-nursein-protest-in-downtown-dekalb-20110602,0,2784509.story

What astounds me is the ignorance of people who have a problem with woman breastfeeding in public. I often hear "Why don't you do that in the bathroom?". Let me ask you when the last time you sat on a toilet in a public bathroom and ate a sandwich? Why should my infant have to? Most nursing mothers (including myself) use some kind of fashionable coverup. Mind you that this is mostly for the comfort of others as the baby typically hates it and it's difficult to get settled and the baby latched when you are covered. I honestly could care less if someone sees my boob when I'm nursing. But since I am considerate of people around me who may be less than comfortable with breastfeeding, I will cover up. Even on 100 degree days I will use a cover which is essentially a blanket, and put it on my child's head so you can sit at ease.

When has this country become so offended by boobs? Don't even get me started on facebook banning pictures of mother's nursing their babies. Breasts  really only have one function and that is to feed a child. It has been proven time and time again that breastfeeding is best. Children who breastfeed have fewer allergies, less asthma, better immune systems, and higher i.q.'s. I can provide sources if you don't believe me. Yes, sometimes women cannot breastfeed. There are many formulas available but there are still over 30 nutrients that cannot be replicated in formula. Now if a mother chooses to not nurse and use formula, that's fine. I really don't judge. I am aware of how hard it is to nurse or pump breastmilk when you have to go back to work. After Aaron, I was lucky enough to have my own office so I was able to pump breastmilk whenever I needed to and lock the door. Not being able to nurse or pump will make your milk supply dwindle therefore making it virtually impossible to breastfeed. This is not the mother's fault, but the fault of society to make the mother feel guilty about needing to stop working to provide food for her child.

This might be a good place to include that it is AGAINST the law to ask or prevent a woman from breastfeeding in either a private or public place. Here's a quote from Wisconsin's law:

"A mother may breast−feed her child in any public or private location where the mother is otherwise authorized to be. No person may interfere with the right of a mother to breast−feed her child as provided in this section." 

Under the general penalty provision in Wisconsin state law, a person violating this statute would be subject to a fine of up to $200.

So whether you are uncomfortable with it or not, to bad because the law says we can do this. But the fact there has to be a law is a bit disturbing. My son, Jude, exclusively breastfeeds. Which means he has no other source of nourishment other than what I produce. Sometimes he will get a bottle of pumped milk. However, this is not what he nor I prefer. It's not just about the nourishment but also the bonding that goes on between a mother and a child. There is no greater feeling or sense of connection than when you feed your baby. I always knew that I would nurse my children. And I know it's not always easy. It wasn't easy for me the first time around either.

Aaron, as most of you who read this know, was born prematurely at 33wks via c-section. After taking him out of me they let me say hello and whisked him out of the room. I didn't get to touch him, hold him, or try to nurse him. I felt that a special moment of bonding had been taken away. They brought me back to my room to recover and I was hooked up to about a million machines due to a severe staph infection, preeclampsia, and abrupted placenta. I didn't get to see my new born first baby for about 8 hrs! For all you moms you can imagine how hard this was. I knew he was in good hands and was where he needed to be. I tried to focus on getting better and providing him milk. Because of his prematurity and the c-section, my body was unaware of the fact that it should be releasing some milk. While I waited for my body to catch up, Aaron was fed infant formula through a tube that went into his nose and down into his stomach called a gavage. This was a bit unsettling to see but so was all the tubes and monitors he was hooked up to at the time. I felt a great sense of insecurity and uncertainty with Aaron in the NICU. I felt helpless most of all. I hated hearing how he was doing and what he seemed to like from women I have never met. I was above all, determined to breastfeed this baby. I felt I would truly feel like his mom if I was able to provide him food. So the adventure began. Adam and I went down to the NICU diligently every 2-3hrs to feed him. I had been released from the hospital as a patient, but we were able to stay at "guests" because we had a child in the NICU.So for two weeks we hunkered down in a hospital room at Aurora Sinai in Milwaukee and changed our own sheets and took out our own garbage. Because of Aaron's size and age he wasn't able to nurse on his own. He simply didn't know how. So most feedings the first week where Aaron getting pumped milk in the little tube that went up his nose and into his stomach. I would hold Aaron to my breast to "mock feed" him and Adam would hold the tube that contained the milk. This is how we fed our child for the first 2 weeks. Finally, Aaron started catching on and eventually became a pro at nursing. I never felt so proud and happy in my life. So while this story is extremely personal, this is why breastfeeding is so close to my heart and soul. I feel it gave my little preemie baby the strength he needed to thrive and grow even though the odds where against him. And now he is a very robust and healthy toddler. I should mention that we did have to add supplements to my milk when we gave him a bottle because of his prematurity. This was to make sure he was getting all the nutrients and calories he needed being out of mommy so early.

Ok, so I am kind of losing focus now but back to the article. For this store owner to act like breastfeeding is equal to indecent exposure is ludicrous. There is nothing indecent about feeding your child when your child is hungry. Baby's don't have the same types of stomachs as adults and it is very bad to make an baby wait to eat when they are hungry. And sorry, but babies don't know when the most "convenient" times are for you. They know they are hungry and they need to eat. Therefore, they should be fed no matter where you are or what you are doing. All stops to feed the baby.

When I nurse in public, I generally don't get hassled. I might give off a "I dare you to tell me to stop" vibe. I pity the person who may ever suggests I go somewhere more "appropriate" like the public toilet (seriously, I am not even all that comfortable using it for myself, let alone feed a baby in there). Also, when I see other nursing mothers I try to give them a reassuring smile that what they are doing is fine and appropriate. I think there is a misconception that women who nurse in public must be exposing themselves. No, we are not and if there is slip or something pops out it is an accident. We are focused on getting our screaming child comfortable and eating not whether we are showing a bit to much skin. Trust me, any sort of sexual innuendo or exhibitionism is the furthest thing from any nursing mother's mind.

Another reaction I hear is that nursing moms are "boob nazi's or breastfeeding nazi's" out to prove a point! A bunch of feminists throwing their feminist ways into your face. Please. All we want to do is quiet our child, less he screams his head off then we get that other "look" from you. What is a reasonable alternative? Staying at home until my baby is weaned? That could be a year or more. Not terribly realistic. I shouldn't have to be a shut in so some narrow minded jerk can walk past me, see a nursing cover, and only imagine the horrors going on underneath it.

I think I may have ranted (sometimes a bit incoherently and probably with terrible grammar) enough. My point has been made. And next time you see a nursing mom, instead of staring at her nursing cover or lack thereof, look at her face. You will see she is insecure and unsure but will do what is right for her baby. Give her a little smile (not a creepy creeperson smile) but a smile to reassure her that you are ok with her providing food her baby. I know I would appreciate it once in awhile. If you disagree with the law, please comment. I would like to know why.

Just for the fun of it:

Banana Strawberry Milkshake

Ingredients

• 1 cup low-fat milk
• 1/2 cup frozen unsweetened strawberries
• 1/2 ripe banana
• 2 tablespoons powdered chocolate drink mix
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 teaspoons white sugar

Directions

1. In a blender combine milk, frozen strawberries, 1/2 banana, chocolate milk powder, vanilla and sugar. Blend until smooth. If consistency is too runny, you may add more strawberries.