The SAHM Adventure begins to end

So, I have realized I haven't blogged in well over a month. Not that I haven't had anything to say! If you know me you know I have something to say pretty much always. This summer has been jam packed with activities, birthdays, get togethers, weddings, etc. I can not even believe that Aaron just turned two and Jude is almost 5mths. I really feel I should start researching the flux capacitor to stop this all from happening so fast!

Much of my blog shared my feelings on motherhood and adjusting to life at home with my boys. I've been home since October and have really enjoyed the time with my family. My sister was also on maternity leave for 12wks and I LOVED talking to her everyday. Alas, she went back to work and I was super bummed. I know she  was too and it's not that we don't talk any less (I call her constantly anyway) but I always felt I had a kinship with her staying at home with her babies and me with mine.

So the real point of my blog is my decision to go back to work. I know, I know. I made such a big deal about staying home and all that goes with it. A few reasons why I have decided to go back: first of all finances, which should be no real big surprise. Very few people can afford to have just one parent work. While we where able to make ends meet, it was difficult and the cutbacks where brutal. There are just some things I am not willing to give up. Call me selfish or whatever but I am not thrilled of the idea of staying at home always because we can't afford to do anything! Also, I want to be able to really save for our kids. While Adam's income keeps us afloat I was able to pitch in with the pet sitting. I love pet sitting but there is no consistency to it. This summer has been super busy with jobs  so it's been ok. Secondly, honestly, I miss working. Let me rephrase that. I miss working with a purpose. I enjoy working non profit and really miss that. Adam tells me he misses the fire and passion I exuded when I worked at the shelter. Working really hard for a cause that was truly a passion for me. The for profit world is not for me. I like a job with a purpose. This is not to say I won't work for a for profit. I may have to while I search for the right non profit job. That being said, I have begun the process of looking for a new job. More on that later. The last reason I want to work is it really is who I am. My mental health seems to suffer when I'm not working. Don't misunderstand, I love my children more than anything in this world but I have a hard time when I'm home and separated from the world. I miss adults! I miss conversation that isn't revolved around the incredible amounts of poop and puked I had to clean. Both human and animal!

So, the job hunt begins. And let me tell you, I walked into a whole new world! The last time I interviewed for a job was for the shelter about 10yrs ago and this was to be a animal caretaker. Interview was pretty laidback and the position seemed like a good fit for me. Up until then any job I had ever applied for I had gotten. So when I was hired at the shelter it just felt natural. Fast forward 10yrs later when I am back on the job market and facing the real world once again. First up, I need a resume. Never did a resume because I never needed one. So with a little (ok a lot) of help from my sister who does H.R. we came up with a stellar resume. My previous employer was also gracious enough to write a letter of recommendation for me. That with a good cover letter I felt I was all set. With my experience and charismatic personality how could someone not hire me? I really thought that I would pick a job I wanted and get hired right away. I was wrong. So far I have applied to numerous non profits for numerous positions. So many I can't even keep it straight. I also realized that it sometimes takes an organization 2wks to a month to get in touch with you! When I was about to give up I got an email from the American Diabetes Association for a position as an Associate Fundraising Manager . They want to do an interview! I'm thinking yes! This is it! Then I'm thinking, wait...crap. How do I do an interview now? I'm fretting over everything from potential questions, what the hell my weaknesses are, also my strengths, and what in God's name am I going to wear! Again, Angie to the rescue for clothes and some tips. My bestie, Jen, was gracious enough to give me a mock interview so I felt more confident. I walked into the office and there where 3 people interviewing me! Was not expecting this. But I'm confident in my abilities and knew I can handle this. The interview went great I felt. They said they would be in touch, as they always do, so I figured I'd be waiting another few weeks. So imagine my surprise when I got an email the very next morning wanting a second interview with the Executive Director. They had narrowed it down to 2 possible candidates and I was one of them. After what I felt was another great interview, I waited anxiously for their decision. Finally, last Thursday I was informed they went with the other candidate. Dammit! However, they where nice enough to tell me how impressed they where with me and I came in a very very close second. I felt ok and thought at least that was a good learning experience for me. My first real interview was not a total diseaster.

I then got an email from the Muscular Dystrophy Association inquiring about doing a phone interview for their Executive Director position. Now I applied to this on a whim considering it is a pretty big job. I was quite surprised I was chosen for an interview. The phone interview went well and the Regional Coordinator said she would pick 2-3 people by the end of the week for in person interviews in Brookfield. I had no idea if I would be qualified for this position. Again, to my surprise, she contacted me the next morning and set up an in person interview with her, the Regional Director, and the Divisional VP! Yipes! This was serious and I had to step up my game and remain calm. Didn't help the in person interview was on the hottest day ever with a heat index of 115 and when I'm nervous I already sweat like I'm in a rain forest. I really prepared myself for this interview, walked in with confidence, all my paperwork, and a huge smile and great attitude. This was a tough one. Again 3 people firing questions at me and me trying to do my best to answer them in a coherent way on the spot. I take pride in my ability to be rather well spoken but can still get tripped up now and again. After the interview (which was over an hour) I thanked everyone by name and went on my way. They are suppose to let me know this week if I am chosen or if I again came in at a very very close second!

In the meantime I have applied to several other organizations including the American Cancer Society, Leukemia and Lymphoma, The Boys and Girls Club, and even the Girls Scouts of America to name a few. So the wait is on. If I cannot find a position with a non profit I plan on finding some administrative job and continue my education. Well, I plan on continuing my education anyway, but one thing at a time.

So I will try to keep everyone up to speed on my job hunt and if anyone has any leads let me know! I am excited about the prospect of working for a cause I can believe in, but the thought of leaving my boys still ways heavy on my heart. I try to tell myself it will be good for them (especially Aaron a.k.a. Seabass) to interact with other children. But Jude, I just want to scoop him up and put him in my pocket and take him with me. But I know this is the right decision for me and my family. This does not mean that I have changed my views on Stay at Home Moms. If anything I am more in awe on how they do it.

Krupuk Udang

 So, wish me luck on my job search. Big changes could be in the very near future for the Dahlstroms and sometimes change is good. Although I'm last person who likes change. I fear change but I've learned to face my fears. I typically include a recipe in my blog, but with this summer, I haven't really cooked a whole lot. I've made some of my staple dishes and have experimented more with my Indonesian cuisine. So I am going to suggest everyone look up Krupak Udang. They are a tasty Indonesian treat my family rarely goes without. You can find it at Asian Supermarkets or online trust me, once you try them you'll wonder how you ever went through life without them! I'll even through in a picture! If you are going to try Krupuk than you have to include Sambal Oelek (if you like things spicy there is nothing better than this)! 

Sambal Oelek

Jude is Here! New life begins and here is the Story!

Well, it's been 15 days since I gave birth to Jude Eric Dahlstrom. What an eventful two weeks! We are finally settling in and getting used to our new routine. Aaron is an awesome big brother even if he gets a bit jealous now and then. I think he really is excited to have a baby brother.

Jude Eric Dahlstrom 

With all the challenges with this pregnancy I was hoping and praying for a "normal" delivery. Aaron's delivery was anything but, and I was terrified of having to go through that again. I just didn't know if I could spend that much time in a hospital again and I did not want Jude to spend weeks in the NICU. When I reached 35wks and it was clear I would deliver at Lakeland near my home I cried with joy. Each week after was even better. Finally at 38wks it became clear it was time to have Jude. My blood levels, blood pressure, and protein where slowing increasing and I was starting to show signs of preeclampsia which we had been looking for all along. Instead of waiting for it to get worse, my OB decided to go ahead and get Jude out so that we both would be safe.

I was originally due on March 22nd and had a c section scheduled for March 15th. Jude Eric Dahlstrom was delivered via c section on March 8th at 3:55pm. He was a healthy 7lbs 2oz and 18.5inches long. Instead of rushing him to the NICU, he was cleaned, Adam got to cut the cord this time, and the nurse placed Jude on my chest so we could look at each other for the first time. It was like we where old friends meeting again. After awhile they took him back to our room with Adam so I could be finished getting put back together and go into recovery. The whole operation took a little over an hour and I felt pretty good. Much better than the first time when I was in excruciating pain and couldn't see Aaron for almost 8hrs after I gave birth. In recovery my blood pressure began to rise. I tried to explain this happens everytime I have a surgery and am in recovery. Happened with my wisdom teeth, gallbladder, and with Aaron. I assured them it would go down and it would help if they took me to my room so I could be with my new baby and my husband. Well, they had to err on the side of caution and continued to pump me full of blood pressure meds. Didn't really work. At this point I was becoming increasingly irritated and anxious to get to Jude. This wouldn't help my blood pressure though as they told me to relax and I just wanted to get out of there. My good friend, Chrissy, who works at the hospital came by my bed. She began to talk to me and really put me at ease. Low and behold shortly after her arrival my blood pressure began to decline. This is the proof I needed and finally got to go back to my room to see Adam and Jude. Our whole family was waiting to see us and they knew Jude and Adam where back but not me. Adam kept everyone out of the room until I came back and got a chance to hold Jude and try to nurse him before all the visitors. After about an hour it was time for family to visit. My room was packed! Everyone was there and so excited to meet the new arrival. Unfortunately, Aaron and Grandma D weren't there as it was getting late and Aaron was in cranky mode and we felt it was best if he came the next day after he was well rested.

We stayed in the hospital for two days and then went home. Jude was to go back in the next morning for a procedure and to check his bilirubins. Unfortunately, they wouldn't let him come back home. Back to the hospital we went. He had lost 14% of his body weight and his jaundice was getting worse. We spent the rest of the day with Jude in light therapy and me nursing him constantly. By the next day he had already gained back 4oz and was doing well. So off we went back home. 

Jude is now thriving very well and is getting bigger everyday. We recently had newborn pics of him taken and so far, what I have seen has been amazing. Besides a few set backs and a quick trip to the ER (nothing more than nasal congestion but to me his breathing sounded scary) we are doing well. Jude is eating often and because of his initial weight loss, I put myself into "have to feed the baby" mode and am now producing enough milk for several Judes. My doctor has taken restrictions off of me and I am fully in Mommy Mode.

I have started my new "job" as Stay At Home Wife and Mom and to be honest, I love it. I never thought I would but to be with my boys everyday, take care of my house and family, and not have the stress of returning to work has been amazing. Adam tells me everyday how happy he is that I am home with the boys. We are establishing a routine and so far so good. I don't know how long I will stay at home and frankly that's fine with me. I refuse to put a timeline on this because all that will do is stress me out on how much time I have left to be at home. I tend to be a very anxious person and to focus on the present is much better for us. 

I am looking forward to walks with the boys, summer activities, and visits with family and friends. I never thought of myself as a person who would be this "domestic". I've always prided myself on being independent, hard working, and determined to succeed. It never occurred to me I could still be those things and be a mom and a wife too. I never thought in a million years I would ever not have a "job" or a typical 9 to 5er. I never saw myself as a woman who would be fulfilled staying home and tending to things like cooking, gardening, coupon clipping, and raising kids. Surprised the hell out of me that I would embrace this and actually enjoy it. I know there will be challenges and financially be more difficult and that is fine because you should always be challenged. Maybe I was under the impression that SAHM where shallow house wives or boring or not as respected as a woman who works. I'm so sorry if that is offensive but that is how I think I felt. I have begun to realize how wrong that stereotype is and that there is no shame at wanting to stay at home and be with your kids. I'll admit that I've always portrayed myself as the "I am a woman and can do anything I want and just as good as any man". I never could picture myself in a more "submissive" role. I always thought that was so 1950's.  Just as there is no shame as wanting to work outside the home to help provide for your family. I think both are fine and it is up to each individual family to decide what's best for them.

Well, I just wanted to get some thoughts down but I hear a ruckus from the next room which means Aaron is up from his nap and causing a small amount of destruction. Til next time!!

And So It Ends and Begins.....

So tonight is my last night as a mother of one, household of three, and not being totally outnumbered by males. Our lovely son, Jude, will be joining us outside the womb tomorrow. I have been doing ok medically, but things where slowly getting more risky. My "numbers" where slowly increasing and we've held off as long as my doctor felt comfortable. Compared to giving birth the first time at 33wks, I feel very happy we are now a little over 38. Every week past 33 was nerve wracking for me. Was this going to be the week? Is Jude doing ok in there? Is my placenta going to abrupt any day now? While many of these fears consumed my thoughts I had to remain positive. I had to keep in mind that every week we hung in there the better for Jude. I also had to realize that we learned a whole lot with Aaron and where taking every precaution we could to ensure this pregnancy would remain healthy.

Honestly, this has been one hard road to travel down. So much of my life has changed since I peed on that stick and had no one around to tell but Aaron! My new "job" as mother and wife is very exciting to me. It has taken literally months to accept the fact that I will not be returning to the shelter and feel comfortable with that decision. There are days that I miss it and then there are days that I am so happy to be home with Aaron and getting ready for Jude. Part of me can't believe that tomorrow will be the end of the "house arrest" and the beginning of my new "normal" I've so desperately been wanting.

I am so very grateful to my family and friends. So many people have done so much for us. Even when I just lay around feeling like a miserable sack of pregnancy, no one made me feel bad or guilty even if that's how I felt inside. Having so much help has truly been amazing and even though times I felt like I had no control I was still appreciative. It's hard to give up control of your home and your child because you are physically unable to do things. But I admire the patience and understanding everyone had and most of all the encouragement. There where times when I emotionally lost it, but had so many people tell me it was going to be ok and this wouldn't last forever! Which was good. I did not need people to feel sorry for me (God knows I throw the best pity party for myself) but to keep me motivated and keep me focused on the big picture. This may seem like an emotional, personal blog but that's what I want to get across. As anyone who has kept up with this blog knows the ups and downs I have had during this pregnancy. But writing this blog has helped me cope with being on restriction since early September (has it been that long??).

I also want to take moment and give my husband proper credit. What I have put this poor man through. He has basically worked his butt off to support us including working at home and overtime, still making it to ALL but 3 appointments which is incredible since I've been going every week or two since I found out I was pregnant, cleaning the house, making meals, taking care of Aaron, taking care of me, as well as anything else that popped up and really did it all with a smile. I know for a fact that at times he probably wanted to throw me out the window but restrained himself. He has truly been an amazing husband and father even at times when I probably seemed less than grateful. His family and my family have been soo supportive. I also feel like during this pregnancy I've become a lot closer with members of our family. I've really enjoyed the quality time and all the love and support they have given us. But I am sure they are just as ready for Jude to come into this world just like us!

As this journey ends and a new one begins, I am overcome with different feelings and emotions. Yes, I know I'm a hormonal pregnant lady but this is my last night to be that way! I am very excited and of course, I am nervous for surgery. This is my second c section and that helps a little but surgery is surgery. I know it will be fine and am doing my best to calm my nerves and ease my anxieties. Adam and I have decided this will be our last child. Mostly due to the fact I really don't think my body wants me to do this again! So the idea of moving on past the "having children" part of our lives and focusing on raising our family is something we are anxious to get started.

For everyone who has stood by me during this time and have given me words of encouragement I am truly grateful. It really has helped. If it weren't for facebook and this blog I would feel so disconnected and this has kept the social part of me active. I've also gotten lots of advice, engaged in some great discussion, and learned a lot. I will be keeping this blog for a bit to keep everyone updated on the arrival of Jude and may need to share a few stories here and there. There will be no recipe today, especially since I haven't really cooked much, but I'll get back to it soon enough. I will end this blog here before I start getting to sentimental and procrastinate even more on things for tomorrow. I think I have my check list all done. I do need to feast on some food as they said I couldn't eat anything past 6am. That is going to be tough..... I fully plan on eating an entire box of oreo cookies before I go to bed. Don't judge me.

Till next time.......