An Open Letter to All My Friends, Volunteers, Co-Workers, and Supporters at LAWS

Hello All,

I have several reasons for sending out this email. Initially it was to inform everyone that my email (adahlstrom@lakelandanimalshelter.org) is no longer active. I also wanted to give an update, as many of you know I have not been at the shelter since October due to complications with my pregnancy.

First, I would like to say that so far so good with baby #2. I did have some complications and was pulled from working until I gave birth. It is vital that I keep stress low and physical activity to a minimum. I've been under the care of my OB and my Periontologist and have had weekly appointments to monitor my pregnancy. With restrictions in place and new medications I've already made it longer than when I was pregnant with my first son, Aaron. There is no reason to think I won't make it to the 39wks that we are aiming for for Jude (I am having another boy and his name is Jude Eric Dahlstrom). For those of you that knew this, I appreciate all the support, prayers, and thoughts through this difficult pregnancy.

I also wanted to let everyone know that with a very heavy heart, I will not be returning to the Lakeland Animal Shelter after the birth of my baby. I have not come to this decision easily. I believe I knew in my head but it was convincing my heart that was so difficult. As I write this I have tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. However, this decision is what I believe is best for my family. I will be taking some time off of working to raise my boys and be a stay at home mom.  I felt that I had to share with co-workers, volunteers, supporters, and friends this decision. As everyone has been like a family to me. I truly have enjoyed everyday of the past 10yrs at the shelter. I have learned so much about humanity, kindness, and even cruelness. The people I have met through the shelter are above and beyond the most incredible people I have ever known. Everything you have done has meant so much to the homeless animals and the community. There really are no words to describe the feeling I get when I think of all the wonderful people who are involved with this cause. When I started at the shelter I was a 20yr old kid who was a little lost in life. I am leaving as a 30yr old woman who has become who she is because of the time I have spent at the shelter and with the people who have been involved. I have learned something from every single person I had the pleasure of working with. I never knew that people could be so caring and loving just because. To see the dedication and commitment from everyone is so humbling. I just want everyone to know how much you mean to me. I have experienced some of the highest highs and the lowest lows. I believe I have made some great friendships and hope to keep in touch with everyone. I will still be involved with the shelter but just in a different way. I feel this is the hardest decision of my adult life so far. Helping homeless animals was not just a job, but a passion, and a way of life. My co-workers amazed me every day for their dedication to their jobs. While it was not always easy it was always worth it. I have never known a group of people with such passion and dedication, often working in less than ideal conditions. But everyone did it because they cared for those who could not care for themselves.  It was part of every aspect of my life. I also have a wonderful dog, 4 wonderful cats, as well as my family has wonderful pets all from the shelter.

Thank you so much for all your love and support. You mean more than I can ever really say. I would love to keep in touch and will keep everyone posted when Jude is born. I have been keeping a blog and can be read at http://alx8182.blogspot.com/

This is not the end of my relationship with the shelter but merely a time where I explore other options for myself and my family. However, the shelter and everyone involved will always be in my heart.

Much Love and Gratitude,
Alex

33 Wks and other Thoughts....

So, I haven't written in a little while and not because I haven't had much to say. If you know me, you know I always have something to say, but I just didn't set aside the time to put my thoughts down. I don't want to write a blog just to throw anything down. For me, it has to feel right. Tonight it feels like a good time.

First, I will update my pregnancy. Jude is cookin' away. He is already 5lbs and doing very well. I had an appointment with my Periontolgist at the West Allis Woman's Pavillion. His name is Dr. Mastrolia and I highly recommend him. We went over all my tests and charts and discussed our plan. So far so good! My blood pressure has been remarkably low this pregnancy. I have Chronic Hypertension and have for a few years. I have taken meds, lost weight, changed my diet, and have been tested for a whole array of diseases. The conclusion is genetics. As my primary physician put it, "You got the shallow end of the gene pool". I'm not kidding. He actually said that. So, I just have to be more careful than most other women my age. As long as everything maintains how it has been I should make it to our goal of 39wks and have a scheduled c section. I really want to get past 35 as I do not want to have my baby in the NICU again. I don't think I could bare it. My blood disorder is under control and I continue to get daily shots in my stomach to thin my blood and prevent another placental abruption. Honestly, that's what I am most afraid of happening. It was so frightening with Aaron and I don't want to go through it with Jude. So, so far all is well and we are happy to continue to take it day by day.

Another issue that has come up that I wanted to discuss is my choice to not have any more children. This is not because I don't want more children, I always thought I would have three, but because I think it's the best decision for many reasons. I plan on getting my tubes tied when I have Jude. Originally we had talked about Adam going in to get snipped but at one of my OB visits she said it would be easier to do it to me during the csection. Adam really dodged the bullet there. It was not an easy decision to make. The finality of never being able to have a baby for the rest of my life is overwhelming. To think that the chapter of my life where I have kids is over is hard to accept. But I have my reasons. Mainly, my health. I am extremely lucky that I have Aaron and even more that I got pregnant with Jude. We tried for a year for Aaron and finally had to try fertility to get pregnant. One round of Clomid and bam I was pregnant with Aaron. Since he was so difficult we didn't think we would get pregnant again so soon. I was still nursing Aaron and discovered I was pregnant again. This time it happened naturally and we where just so happy that we didn't care it wasn't planned. For us, getting pregnant was half the battle. The actual pregnancy didn't really seem like an issue at the time. Well, we where wrong. All women are different. I envy women who are pregnant and go about their daily lives and have no issues. But I try not to have a pity party because I know many women would be thrilled to be pregnant even if it meant all nine months on bed rest. That's the main reason we've decided this is our last. With the difficulties we had with Aaron and now with Jude, I just can't risk it again. This pregnancy has been especially hard and I'm not just talking about the physical parts. Emotionally it's been very difficult. My whole life has been forced into a new direction. I have had to become dependent on friends and family in ways that I wish I hadn't. People might think how great it would be to have someone come over everyday to clean your house, take care of your kid, and help you out in any way. And yes it is great and I am very grateful but it's also an ego check. As a wife and a mom you want to be able to take charge of your family and your home. When you have to share that it is humbling and difficult. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way. Everyone is just trying to help. And I need to be accepting as it is in the best interest for Jude, Aaron, and myself and my health. But still. I lost my job, my independence, my strength, and many things that make me who I am. I have had to redefine my role and my life. Now, I don't want to come off as "oh, woe is me, poor me". I am simply being honest about how this has affected me emotionally. Some days I feel great both physically and emotionally and other days not so much. And yes I know this is almost over, it's temporary, it'll be worth it in the end, and all of that. I am very self aware of all of this and I know how much of this sounds too. But I'm not perfect and I feel it's important to include in a blog a piece of you that is not the picture of perfection you'd like people to see. I also feel that if other women go through something similar that it's normal to feel all kinds of emotions. Hormones don't help!

Well there you have it. A very real and honest take on what else goes on during a high risk pregnancy. It's not just about the doctor appointments and physical issues. But the array of emotions you feel. For me I always deal with guilt. I just have to counteract that with rational thoughts.I think for someone like me who has been employed everyday of my life since I was 14 the loss of a job is especially difficult. Not working has been incredibly hard and painful. I can't even visit because I have so many feelings about it. I don't want to get into it too much in this blog but there will be a future blog that visits this in much more detail. I think everything has to be redefined right now. My life, my work, my family, my house, my goals, my everything. It's overwhelming. However, I do realize that I do have an opportunity to head in a new direction. Not many people get that and I am very lucky to have the support that I do. I don't think I really like change. I don't think I'm very good at it. I'm a creature of habit and comfort. Most people probably are. Anyone that can pick up a new job, hobby, or move to a new place and try something different is amazing to me. I would love to challenge myself in that way. 

In the meantime I will continue to focus on my health and Jude's well being. I will continue to do everything my doctors are instructing me to do to keep this pregnancy on the right path. A very close friend said to me "There's a difference between being brave and being stupid. Don't be stupid". This is very true. I need to not push it either physically or emotionally no matter how much I want to prove myself. There will be a time for all of that again. This blog is a bit different than my others. Probably a bit deeper and maybe a little to much information but it is what it is. 

My recipe for this blog is my ultimate comfort food for days like this. The classic toasted peanut butter and banana sandwich with a twist. Are you ready for it??? Add honey!!! It's the best! My husband made my favorite sammy even better when he added honey.

1. Simply toast your favorite bread

2. Liberally add peanut butter, I prefer chunky

3. Slice a banana and add

4. Squeeze a liberal amount of honey 

5. Grab lots of wetnaps and a big glass of milk (I prefer soy) and enjoy.

It's amazing!!!!!!!!!!

31 wks...SAHM or Working Mom....

Here I am at 31wks in my pregnancy. I am thrilled to have made it this far as having Jude early is a real concern for me. My Periontologist, OB, and myself are aiming for 35 wks at least. Once I get there we will shoot for 39! I am very excited about this. Having Aaron at 33.5 was very scary. Actually when I was 31wks with Aaron is when I was admitted to the hospital and didn't leave for 3 wks and left with a baby! So it feels nice to be home and to have things running along smoothly so far.

I'm still on house arrest but I've gotten out a few times. I was able to go to my best friend's bachelorette party. Well at least the dinner portion. We went to an awesome Japanese restaurant downtown Milwaukee where I dined on smoked squid salad, pork belly, unagi, fatty tuna, and a tempura soft shell crab roll. Plenty of options for a pregnant women at a sushi place. Actually majority of the menu was cooked items. We then went to a champagne lounge where we where served champagne and delicious truffles. I indulged on the truffles and had a non alcoholic fruity sparkling drink of somekind! Then it was time for me to leave as I was getting tired and the ladies where going to go out and dance and drink the night away! It was really good for me to get out and see my friends. I really don't get to see many people anymore and one can go crazy being couped up all the time. I'm still following doctors orders of not standing for more than 30minutes at a time and keeping my stress level low.

As far as my health, I think we are doing good. I don't want to jinx it. But my blood pressure has never been better and my migraines seem to be under control. I still get contractions and if they get to bad I just put up my feet and call it a night. Everyone has been so incredibly helpful and understanding. It's hard for people to understand exactly what is going on. I know people are wonder if I can leave the house or cook a meal why can't I do this or that or work? Simple. My doctor has told me not to! It's not just the physical aspect that we need to watch but the stress also. Work causes stress, stress raises my blood pressure, that can cause a placental abruption again, and here comes premature baby. That being said I am winding down here and getting very anxious to have Jude, settle into our new normal, and then begin working again.

That's another thing. I've seriously thought about the whole stay at home mom gig. Take away the financial hardships from the decision and it's interesting what I've felt these past few months I've been at home. On one hand I have LOVED the time with Aaron. Spending so much time together has been just wonderful. Also the lack of stress of having your schedule revolve around work is pretty nice too. I've been available to see family a lot as well. I was able to be with Oma every single day and my grandparents, uncles, dad, mom, etc have all been out to the house numerous times. Then I think when I am physically able to do more around the house, how nice that would be to do all the little projects everyone thinks about but never does. How nice to have laundry done, dinner every night, house cleaned, etc. It would be great to be there for my children everyday. I have never ever considered staying at home before this pregnancy. Mostly because I didn't think we could ever afford me too and secondly I just loved my job. I do envy women that get to stay at home and most seem pretty happy with the decision. I wouldn't want to stay at home permanently but until the kids where in school.

Here's the other hand to the argument. I do love working. I love being a part of something bigger. I like learning, meeting new people, and being creative. I enjoy having something of my own. I am also very proud of the work I've done and how much my skills have grown. I also do better mentally when I have a job. I tend to dwell less and am less likely to fall into a funk. Overall, I enjoy being a working mom or just working in general. I like to be busy and focus on something other than my home. So taking both of my thoughts on this I think that I am better off working. Both for my mental state and the obvious financial state which has to be taken into consideration. Could we afford if I stayed home? Maybe. Would it be easier on us if I worked? Definitely. I wonder how moms make this choice and if many struggle with it. Also is the consideration that I do want my children to be exposed to other children through daycare or preschools. So much to consider....

My plan is to go back to work. I really think that is the best option for me. However, I totally admire moms that do stay at home. I do not think staying at home is the "easy" way to do it. Just the opposite. I know how much work that is as well. I'm a very social person and one of the things I miss most about working is the social interaction with my coworkers, volunteers, public, even the Wil-Kil Exterminator guy. He taught me all I need to know about the Brown Recluse Spider and how to manage the hornets nests at my house.

I haven't really done any research on the difference between kids with stay at home moms or kids with working moms. I haven't done much more than just consider my own situation. I am curious to how other moms have made this decision and if they regretted it. Or if they went back to work and wished they where home. I've also considered that it may be difficult to go back to work after being at home for a number of years. I think it helps that my job involved helping animals and people. That gives you a bit more motivation to want to return. I don't know how I would feel if I had worked in the corporate world before. If you are a mom and reading this, give me your thoughts. What you decided to do and why?

Holiday Cheers, Fears, and a New Year! Plus Egg Rolls...

I honestly don't even know how to start this blog. Since my last entry so much has happened it's hard to translate it into a blog that makes sense. But I will try. I have so many thoughts today that I know it's now or never to post an entry.

Christmas came again as promised this year. While I am always excited for the holiday season this year I was a bit distracted. I normally have the tree up by the day after Thanksgiving (which I normally host except my medical condition prevented that this year) and most of my shopping done pretty early. House is usually decorated and I have Christmas music running constantly. This year we barely got the tree up in time and I did all my shopping online at the last minute. There was no way I could waddle through the stores this time of year without causing stress for me and Jude. But all was well and we started our Christmas visits with family. Adam and I are both from families of divorce and have many people to see. We started a week before Christmas and visited the Dahlstrom side, followed by the always fabulous Christmas Eve at my sister's with the Goff Family, on Christmas Day we have a small celebration with just me and my guys and then off to Ketterhagen/Baumeister Christmas with Adam's aunt and mom. Aaron got to play with his cousins and show off his sharing skills. I got to munch on an incredible blt dip I still think about. After that we head over to my dad's for Goff/Ouwens Christmas. Today will go to my brother and Taylar's for our last Christmas with my sister and fam and my mother and stepdad. That should wrap up Christmas for us.

At the Goff/Ouwens Xmas we typically celebrate our Indonesian heritage. We have for years. Instead of typical ham/turkey feast we make Soto, which is an Indonesian soup consisting of a stock that has been made a day in advance, chicken, rice, eggs, celery leaves, potatoes, fried onions, lemon juice, soy sauce, and sambal (an Indonesian pepper paste). We also have krupak (prawn chips) we fry and I make Lumpia Semarang (Indonesian Egg Rolls). This year we also had an Indonesian Punch that I cannot remember the name of right now. There is also talam pandam which is an Indonesian dessert consisting of layers of coconut, fruit, and gelatin. So good.

The person who introduced this wonderful cuisine to our family and is the inspiration for my love of cooking is my Oma. Oma is grandma in Dutch. Her and my Opa where both born in small villages in Indonesia. My Opa is of mostly Indonesian descent and my Oma is what is called Dutch-Indonesian, as the Dutch colonized Indonesia. After my uncle, Humphrey, was born in 1957 or so they took a ship from Indonesia to Holland (the Netherlands) to start a new life there. Life in Indonesia was hard especially after World War 2. My Oma was a survivor of WWII as a young girl. She spent many nights running from the Japanese with her little old Indonesian Grandmother and lost most of her family during that time. Her father was killed in the war and her mother was very distraught at this time as the Japanese had taken their land and business which sent my Oma's mother into a depression. She sent Oma to live with her mother. Oma also lost her sister at age 8 to a tooth infection which wasn't uncommon back then in those parts. Many people don't know about the Japanese invading Indonesia and treating it much like the Germans treated most of Europe. My Oma tells a courageous tale of how she almost got a bayonet in the stomach from a Japanese soldier on a bus and how her grandma stepped in front of it and convinced the soldier not to stab my Oma right there.

Anyway, (I'm jumping all over the place here) after Oma met my Opa they married and decided to move to Holland. Imagine taking a ship from Indonesia to Holland? If you don't know where Indonesia is get out a map and study your geography. There isn't exactly an easy route. They had to go all the way to the south of Africa and back up. This journey took over 3mths to complete and they had a little baby at the time as well. Once in Holland they continued to expand their family and my aunt, Laura, and my mother, Flora, where born. Many people in Europe where moving to the United States at this time. My Oma and Opa where also intrigued by the promise of a new life in the States. This time they took their little family and flew to New York. Once in New York, the immigration placement program was putting people of the same ethnicity in the same areas. The Ouwens family was sent to live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin with a large number of other "Dutch-Indo" families. These other families would prove to an extended family to not only my mother's family but would carry over into my generation as well. They where a very tight nit community. All of the women where called our "Tantes" or aunts and the men where called our "Omes" or uncles.

Growing up my brother, sister, and I would often go to the Dutch Indo Club at MacArthur Park in West Allis for meetings and holiday celebrations. Those where some pretty fun times. We ate all kinds of ethnic foods and got to play with all kinds of other kids. Christmas time was especially fun. As many cultures do, we celebrated a combination of the Indonesian Christmas and Dutch Christmas. Most people think of Indonesians as Muslims, however, many areas and villages had converted over to Christianity after visits from missionaries.


We where told as children that if we where good Sinterklaas (Saint Nicholas) and his Zwarte Piets would bring us gifts. If we where bad here is the legend taken from Wikipedia.

"Zwarte Pieten are often portrayed as mischievous but rarely mean-spirited characters. Parents used to tell their children that if they have been good, a Zwarte Piet will bring them gifts and sweets, but if they have been bad, a Piet will scoop them up, stuff them in his huge dufflebag and spirit them away to Spain as punishment. Though this is increasingly uncommon nowadays, he can still carry some type of scourge (called a "roe"), especially a bundle of birch branches, which could be used for birching or in modern words, to beat children who have been too naughty to deserve presents. The character is believed to have been derived from pagan traditions of evil spirits. Also told for decades is a story that the Zwarte Pieten are black because of chimney soot and/or in mockery of the darker Spanish occupiers of the Low Countries in centuries past."

Yes, a bit racist and offensive today but was merely folklore as we grew up. But was still frightening as they also had the birch branches you where sure you where going to get beat with. Obviously that never happened and Sinterklaas just gave us presents. Oh wait, not until my sister and I got up in front of the whole club and sang "Sinterklaas Kapoentje" which is a Dutch Christmas Carol .Yes, we had to sing it in Dutch. So embarrassing. I posted it on a separate blog. So that is a bit of background on our traditional Christmas celebrations!

Back to the present. This year Oma was unable to make it to Christmas. We where devastated as she said she just felt to ill to come. Two days later she would be in the ICU. She developed a severe kidney infection and her kidneys had completely failed. On Tuesday evening, our entire family gathered at the hospital to prepare ourselves to say goodbye. The doctor had given her a less than 10% chance of recovering and making it until the morning. She was not conscious and it was a very difficult time. I spoke softly to her hoping she could hear me. I expressed how much she means to me and how she has helped shape me into the woman I am. I told her I understood if she wanted to be with Opa (he died about 17yrs ago) but I still wanted her to stay. It was one of the most difficult days of my life. I told her I wanted her to see her two great grandchildren on the way and that we had to have them know their Oma as she is a one of a kind lady.

After leaving the hospital I had shut down. Emotionally and physically. I battled between  facing the facts that this happens in life and just simply not wanting her to die. I slept very little with my phone in my hand anticipating the phone call I dreaded. At around 7:30am on Wednesday I checked in with my aunts. I figured no news was good news at this point. Oma had woken up. She asked for water and wanted to watch channel 12! Nobody could believe it. The doctors where amazed and continued to tell us to take it one day at a time and there where no guarantees. We remained hopeful. For the next couple of days my family spent majority of the time at the hospital being together, talking about the past, and visiting Oma when she wasn't resting. The kidney doctor told us that her kidneys had started to function and heal themselves. No one could explain the amazing turnaround Oma was making. By the way, everyone calls her Oma. It's always been that way. In just a matter of days we went from being told to get her living will together and start thinking of arrangements to it might take her a month or more to fully recover! The human body is an amazing thing and sometimes will do whatever it takes to make you live. I also believe that all the thoughts and prayers where heard and answered and helped Oma get stronger.

We continue to be optimistic and hopeful. This is one holiday season that meant a little more than usual. The family time I have had has been amazing. My family is truly wonderful. I also put my own situation into perspective. When I'm having an "Alex Pity Party" I remind myself of what I should focus on. While each day is still a struggle for me I feel I have a little more bounce in my step. I really don't know what this blog is about. It just kind of developed itself but I'm happy to have gotten some thoughts out.

In honor of my Oma I am including my egg roll recipe that I have taken from both Oma and my own ideas. Now this is a sacred recipe that I share with no one which is why I am just including the ingrediants. I will not include amounts as that is part of the tradition. Trial and error until you have the perfect eggroll!

Lumpia Semerang

1-package of egg roll wrappers
1lb of ground pork
green cabbage shredded
carrot shredded
green onions chopped
purple cabbage shredded
a wok or deep fryer
canola oil- enough so the egg rolls float
pressed garlic
sesame seed oil
soy sauce
Seasonings:
pepper
salt
ginger
Oriental 5 spice (use very sparingly)
cayenne pepper

-Preheat canola oil to 350 degrees
-Brown pork in a large skillet. Add garlic. Drain grease. Does not have to be fully cooked.
-Add vegetables and onions along with sauces and seasonings
-cook about 5 minutes but not until the veggies are wilted
-layout eggroll wrappers.
-place a small spoon of the mixture in the middle
-wet fingertips with water and add to the perimeter of the wrapper
-Wrap eggrolls in a traditional fashion.
-Drop into oil.
-Cook until golden brown
-Important Notes!
     -Make sure the eggroll is not overstuffed as it will burst and you will ruin the oil
    - Make sure the eggroll is rolled nice and tight
Enjoy!!!

Sinterklaas - Sinterklaas kapoentje