Captivating, Informative, Humorous...this blog entry is none of those things

I was encouraged to get back to blogging the other day and I thought to myself, "When on earth am I

going to have time for that." But then I figured it's been months and months and I certainly can find some time. I think, as usual, I don't have too much to discuss. Sure, there are things that have happened in my life and are still happening but are they blog worthy? But then I realized the real issue I've avoided blogging. I don't want to be on my soapbox anymore. So many of my blogs are emotionally charged and I am usually in some state of anger, confusion, or a mixture of conflicted feelings and take refuge in my blog to blow off steam and rant about whatever is irking me.

So, this is why this blog is different. I'm not really feeling to passionate about any particular topic at the moment so maybe this is a good time to blog. A few things I've learned since blogging is that controversial or debatable topics have become much to sensitive a topic these days. We are in some tense times and it's just too exhausting debating my views and opinions anymore. Plus, everyone has an opinion and most of the time they aren't really interested in yours, but more interested in you hearing theirs. I'm guilty of this too. So, no controversial topics. I considered heading down the "Mommy Blog" path, but I've done some blogs entries about this and those are fun, but it seems like that's the soup du jour in the blog world. Plus, I'm so active on Facebook (like how I worded that? As if no one knows active is code for crazy obsessive) there isn't a lot that people don't know when it comes to my kids. Yes, I'm a self-admitted over-sharer. No apologies for that though.

How does one write a blog that is captivating, informative, humorous, not self-involved (which is an oxymoron in the blogging world) and most importantly interesting? That's a tough one. Maybe, I'll just indulge on this one. I've never made a bucket list. I find it morbid. Like once I accomplish my list, I will drop dead. But there are things I want to do and for some reason, when it gets put on a list, I'm more likely to accomplish it.

Also, to be completely honest, I started a new job in September. And I absolutely love it. My co-workers are great and my hours are flexible. But there's always that period of getting to know each other and throwing my blog out there might be a little too much Alex a little fast. And isn't it really annoying when people talk in third person? And in today's world once something is on the Internet, it's there forever. Somewhere, years from now, I could be running for office and then some blog I wrote 10 years ago will surface and I'll be asked to defend my "position" even if that position has changed and so on. But, who am I kidding? I would never run for office. I sealed that deal Spring Break '01 in Cancun. That's all we'll say about that.

OK. My half-hearted attempt at a bucket list:

1. Travel to Italy, Greece OR France
2. Visit Holland and Indonesia and look up my family
3. Start and commit to Yoga
4. Learn to meditate
5. Learn the how to play the mouth organ...hahaha..the harmonica
6. Take my children to impoverished areas and volunteer
7. Own chickens
8. Maintain a healthy weight for more than a year
9. Be debt free
10. Do a kind act for 30 straight days..even if it's just words of encouragement to someone who needs it
11. Volunteer for an organization that is out of my comfort zone
12. Travel alone
13. Raise my children to be sensitive and caring individuals
14. Shoot a gun
15. Catch, scale and cook my own fish
16. Don't something to face my fear of heights..not sure what
17. Read all the books on Time Magazine's All Time 100 novels
18. Sleep outside under the stars
19. Learn how to knit
20. Take a train further than Chicago
21. Take a cruise
22. Ride a horse
23. Open my own spice and gourmet oil store
24. Work with animals again
25. Write a book (I have at least 2 non-fiction and 1 fiction books in my head)
26. Finish my bachelor's degree
27. Obtain my master's degree
28. Run a marathon (I might need to start training for this!)
29. Visit Alaska
30. Grow and sustain a garden
31. Send both my boys to college
32. Be involved in a community organization like the PTA
33. Walk the whole Lake Geneva Shorepath
34. Rock climb
35. Give up artificial sweeteners FOR GOOD
36. Write an essay and submit it to a magazine
37. Be published in a national magazine
38. Donate an entire paycheck to charity
39. Do something I would never do...this is yet to be determined
40. Celebrate 60 years of marriage

That's a pretty extensive list and it also made me realize I haven't really done a whole lot and that's pretty depressing. I think the key is is to pick one of my items and commit myself to it. And I think many of them are completely doable. I'm about to cross one off already as I'm traveling to Philly for 4 days to visit a friend! So yay me. I know, I'm a risk taker! That is one of the things I want to work on. I'm a helicopter parent to myself! So here's to making my first bucket list!! Good luck me!

Geez Lady, Control your Kid!

It has been a little more than a month since I gave birth to my second son, Jude. Life has been coming full circle and we are really enjoying being a family of four. Well four humans, four cats, two dogs, and two fish (still learning the fish tank). Lately I've been struggling to find a happy medium with the two boys as far as attention and time. Now Jude obviously needs my undivided attention as I am breastfeeding him and pretty much on demand 24/7. Any moment that Jude does not need me I try to give Aaron my undivided attention which I can tell he is craving. Not even mine so much but Adam's as well. He loves his dad and when Adam has Jude things can get ugly. Lambeau gets a sippy cup to the face, my cup of water gets thrown across the room, and Aaron hangs on Adams legs wailing and hitting. Sigh.

Aaron is quickly approaching the "terrible twos". I do resent that term as he isn't terrible just inexperienced! He is learning his boundaries and pushing his limits. He seems hell bent on seeing my every reaction to a multitude of situations. Like most parents I try to address his outbursts or tantrums with patience. It is difficult especially when I'm tired, he's tired, Jude is crying, and my dogs are looking at me like "Why did you do this to us?". We are still struggling with the hitting fits although it is getting a little better. I've approached it with patience, persistence, and lots of time outs. Mostly it works. I also have used techniques that I have used on my dogs as far as discipline. Don't judge me. This is how I see it. When I'm training or working with dogs I use lots of patience, assertiveness, control, and understanding. I want to get a mutual understanding and respect going. I do not want the dogs to fear me nor will I use hitting back or spanking as a way to correct the same behavior. I don't want to send mixed signals. Many people compare having a baby to having a puppy. So, when Aaron hits me I don't want to spank him. I think he would not understand why I can spank him and he can't hit me. Not yet anyway. I am not opposed to spanking your child. In certain situations and certain behaviors a quick pat on the butt can be a good way to get a point across. That's as far as I can justify physical punishment. With Aaron and his stubborness, I'm even more careful how I address his outbursts. Like most toddlers, he is an opportunist and if given an inch will take a mile. I just hope we can curb this behavior sooner rather than later.

If you ask my family they would say karma is coming back to me. I was a pretty good kid but man did I have a set of lungs and I could throw record breaking tantrums with never ending crying that could easily go for hours. Ask my fam, they will be MORE than happy to tell you these tales of woe!

My biggest fear is being in a public place and have Aaron throw one of his infamous meltdowns. I don't mean a little crying, I mean ear piercing screams, one would think I must be injuring him and flailing about with what has to be superhuman strength. I've learned (the hard way) that we will not be going anywhere if Aaron is tired or has missed his nap. Meltdown is imminent. The few times I have pushed this I've been sorry. I am very aware of the stares and glances I get from other people. And I know what they are thinking. For at one time, before children, I had these thoughts too. "Geez Lady, Control Your Kid" or "My children would never act like that". Oh, but they will. I do get a sympathy looks from other parents as if their eyes are saying "I've been there". I've also realized my patience for other people's children has grown. These tiny little people who act purely on impulse will be unpredictable and at times feel uncontrollable. I try to be a considerate parent. Adam and I won't bring Aaron to places that are clearly inappropriate for toddlers and we are considerate of other people but we also feel we can't keep our child in a bubble so he doesn't growl at nearby patrons at a restaurant. He will do this and I feel if we where sitting here first and you choose to sit near a toddler than suck it up.

I think once parent and child are able to communicate with each other it might get a little easier. Until then I have to stick with one word answers and stern looks. The other tricky part is how quickly the behavior gets turned on and off. Sometimes I look at Aaron and I can't believe how adorable and angelic he is. I think he is such a wonderful little guy and so well behaved. Then comes out "the devil in disguise" and I can't believe this child was just kissing a baby in a magazine and is now trying to headbutt me because I've grabbed his hands so he doesn't hit me. But I guess that's all part of it. Many more things to learn and everyday I learn something new.  Hopefully Jude will benefit from what we are learning now and Aaron isn't too traumatized from it all.

So if you are in a store and a kid is throwing a fit, don't judge the parents. Believe me, they are mortified and are doing everything in their power to control the situation. Unless the child is being completely unruly and the parents are turning a blind eye, save you glances and looks for those disrespectful teenagers. Realize that we can't keep our children locked up all the time and we make many sacrifices for the sake of others. As if on que, Aaron is awake now and calling me from his room. And by calling I mean screaming "Ma" and kicking the crap out of the back of his crib. But he's just so adorable!