Geez Lady, Control your Kid!

It has been a little more than a month since I gave birth to my second son, Jude. Life has been coming full circle and we are really enjoying being a family of four. Well four humans, four cats, two dogs, and two fish (still learning the fish tank). Lately I've been struggling to find a happy medium with the two boys as far as attention and time. Now Jude obviously needs my undivided attention as I am breastfeeding him and pretty much on demand 24/7. Any moment that Jude does not need me I try to give Aaron my undivided attention which I can tell he is craving. Not even mine so much but Adam's as well. He loves his dad and when Adam has Jude things can get ugly. Lambeau gets a sippy cup to the face, my cup of water gets thrown across the room, and Aaron hangs on Adams legs wailing and hitting. Sigh.

Aaron is quickly approaching the "terrible twos". I do resent that term as he isn't terrible just inexperienced! He is learning his boundaries and pushing his limits. He seems hell bent on seeing my every reaction to a multitude of situations. Like most parents I try to address his outbursts or tantrums with patience. It is difficult especially when I'm tired, he's tired, Jude is crying, and my dogs are looking at me like "Why did you do this to us?". We are still struggling with the hitting fits although it is getting a little better. I've approached it with patience, persistence, and lots of time outs. Mostly it works. I also have used techniques that I have used on my dogs as far as discipline. Don't judge me. This is how I see it. When I'm training or working with dogs I use lots of patience, assertiveness, control, and understanding. I want to get a mutual understanding and respect going. I do not want the dogs to fear me nor will I use hitting back or spanking as a way to correct the same behavior. I don't want to send mixed signals. Many people compare having a baby to having a puppy. So, when Aaron hits me I don't want to spank him. I think he would not understand why I can spank him and he can't hit me. Not yet anyway. I am not opposed to spanking your child. In certain situations and certain behaviors a quick pat on the butt can be a good way to get a point across. That's as far as I can justify physical punishment. With Aaron and his stubborness, I'm even more careful how I address his outbursts. Like most toddlers, he is an opportunist and if given an inch will take a mile. I just hope we can curb this behavior sooner rather than later.

If you ask my family they would say karma is coming back to me. I was a pretty good kid but man did I have a set of lungs and I could throw record breaking tantrums with never ending crying that could easily go for hours. Ask my fam, they will be MORE than happy to tell you these tales of woe!

My biggest fear is being in a public place and have Aaron throw one of his infamous meltdowns. I don't mean a little crying, I mean ear piercing screams, one would think I must be injuring him and flailing about with what has to be superhuman strength. I've learned (the hard way) that we will not be going anywhere if Aaron is tired or has missed his nap. Meltdown is imminent. The few times I have pushed this I've been sorry. I am very aware of the stares and glances I get from other people. And I know what they are thinking. For at one time, before children, I had these thoughts too. "Geez Lady, Control Your Kid" or "My children would never act like that". Oh, but they will. I do get a sympathy looks from other parents as if their eyes are saying "I've been there". I've also realized my patience for other people's children has grown. These tiny little people who act purely on impulse will be unpredictable and at times feel uncontrollable. I try to be a considerate parent. Adam and I won't bring Aaron to places that are clearly inappropriate for toddlers and we are considerate of other people but we also feel we can't keep our child in a bubble so he doesn't growl at nearby patrons at a restaurant. He will do this and I feel if we where sitting here first and you choose to sit near a toddler than suck it up.

I think once parent and child are able to communicate with each other it might get a little easier. Until then I have to stick with one word answers and stern looks. The other tricky part is how quickly the behavior gets turned on and off. Sometimes I look at Aaron and I can't believe how adorable and angelic he is. I think he is such a wonderful little guy and so well behaved. Then comes out "the devil in disguise" and I can't believe this child was just kissing a baby in a magazine and is now trying to headbutt me because I've grabbed his hands so he doesn't hit me. But I guess that's all part of it. Many more things to learn and everyday I learn something new.  Hopefully Jude will benefit from what we are learning now and Aaron isn't too traumatized from it all.

So if you are in a store and a kid is throwing a fit, don't judge the parents. Believe me, they are mortified and are doing everything in their power to control the situation. Unless the child is being completely unruly and the parents are turning a blind eye, save you glances and looks for those disrespectful teenagers. Realize that we can't keep our children locked up all the time and we make many sacrifices for the sake of others. As if on que, Aaron is awake now and calling me from his room. And by calling I mean screaming "Ma" and kicking the crap out of the back of his crib. But he's just so adorable!