5 Days of Outfits by a Four Year Old

I have had this incredible urge to start blogging again for quite some time. I take ridiculous long breaks between posts and I figured out what my problem was. I blog when I feel there is something to tell that happened to me. But I used to blog about everyday situations and current events. That was good. I felt it was an outlet for me to get out my opinions on various topics. Then I hit a wall and no more blogging happens. 

Well, yesterday I got the inspiration I needed to start blogging again. I saw a post on my newsfeed about a woman who let her 3 year old dress her for 5 days. It was everything you thought it would be. Cute, fun and a great bonding experience for the mother and son. I was intrigued by this and after agonizing over what to dress my 4 year old, we'll call him J, I wanted to see how he would pick out clothes for mommy. Would he agonize? Would he try to match colors or patterns? Does he yet realize

How could this guy not have good taste in fashion! 

He dons fake facial hair!

pajamas are not to be worn in public? The answer is a big fat no. When I explained to J that he could pick out what Mommy had to wear, he immediately got to work. He walked into my closet, looked around, actually put his little finger to his mouth and said, "Hmmmmm." As if he was contemplating the best look for a red carpet appearance. He noticed my lovely turquoise scarf with white polka dots (I have a scarf addiction) and his face lit up. "This Mommy!" Ok. We have one piece down. I told him I need a little more than a scarf for the day. He moved over to my dressers. I helped by opening up the drawers with shirts, sweaters, leggings, and reminded him jeans were in the closet. None of those items made the cut. J beelined for an impulse buy/gift. I had mentioned to my husband, A, that I saw these onesies for adults at Walmart (this was around Christmas when my rationale on items flies out the heavily fake snow decorated window). I went on and on how cute they were and how comfortable they looked. You get it. So A, being the attentive and pleasing husband he is, brought home an adult onesie for me the next day. There were several types including characters, patterns, old fashion ones with butt buttons and more. I was lucky enough to get a Mickey Mouse onesie. Not just a onesie with Mickey pattern but a onesie that actually is made to look like Mickey's outfit. Huge white buttons, the whole thing. Oh, did I mention it came complete with a hood and Mickey ears! 

This of course, was J's choice. I hesitated, but I hadn't told him no on pajamas, though technically, I never wore these to bed. More on that later. I asked J for some socks. He grabbed an old pair of baby blue slipper socks (do they still make these?) and said, "Here! Boo Socks!"

I have my outfit. After a long and contemplative shower, I knew I couldn't back down. I had posted on Facebook and teased this is what I was going to do. J was so excited about my outfit, he continues to point it out all day. He's been doing a lot of laughing so I'm just a little concerned he is actually laughing at how ridiculous I do look. 

I tried to do the skinny arm thing, but this is one unforgiving onesie. I even did my hair and makeup. Didn't help. But the kid is happy!

Problems with outfit number 1:

1. Biggest problem. You have to remove the entire thing each time you have to go to the bathroom. No butt buttons on this one. Just two gigantic face white buttons in the front. This means unzippering from the top and peeling it off. The most challenging was not letting the hood drop into the toilet. I began to have flashbacks of the jumpers my mom made me where as a kid that were just one piece. You had to be totally naked from the waist up just to use the bathroom. The stone washed jean jumper with the hot pink frills and buttons haunts me to this day.
2. Not a lot of breathing room in this thing and no access to arms, legs, back anything if you have an itch or want to use lotion or something. 
3. It's 70 degrees today. And I'm wearing some kind of synthetic fabric I'm convinced was assembled by a disgruntled worker who was pissed that Americans are buying adult sized Mickey Mouse onesies while he makes 10 cents an hour sewing on the ears. This is not a natural fabric but some kind of hybrid between velour, polyester and maybe a cotton blend? Can't be too sure. 

So, I suppose it could be worse. I have decided to rule out pajamas for this week. Or anything that is too much like pajamas. I'm not going anywhere to day except to pick up my other son, AD, and I won't be exiting the car. I do have places to go this week so I'm hoping J will pick up on color trends and matching patterns. When I explained the blue slipper socks did not match the onesie or the scarf he simple said, "But I LIKE BOO." Fair enough. Kid likes blue. I can only imagine what tomorrow will have in store for me. 

Thanks for reading and have a happy day! Please follow and share my blog! Please comment your thoughts! 

Anonymously, 

Alex

Captivating, Informative, Humorous...this blog entry is none of those things

I was encouraged to get back to blogging the other day and I thought to myself, "When on earth am I

going to have time for that." But then I figured it's been months and months and I certainly can find some time. I think, as usual, I don't have too much to discuss. Sure, there are things that have happened in my life and are still happening but are they blog worthy? But then I realized the real issue I've avoided blogging. I don't want to be on my soapbox anymore. So many of my blogs are emotionally charged and I am usually in some state of anger, confusion, or a mixture of conflicted feelings and take refuge in my blog to blow off steam and rant about whatever is irking me.

So, this is why this blog is different. I'm not really feeling to passionate about any particular topic at the moment so maybe this is a good time to blog. A few things I've learned since blogging is that controversial or debatable topics have become much to sensitive a topic these days. We are in some tense times and it's just too exhausting debating my views and opinions anymore. Plus, everyone has an opinion and most of the time they aren't really interested in yours, but more interested in you hearing theirs. I'm guilty of this too. So, no controversial topics. I considered heading down the "Mommy Blog" path, but I've done some blogs entries about this and those are fun, but it seems like that's the soup du jour in the blog world. Plus, I'm so active on Facebook (like how I worded that? As if no one knows active is code for crazy obsessive) there isn't a lot that people don't know when it comes to my kids. Yes, I'm a self-admitted over-sharer. No apologies for that though.

How does one write a blog that is captivating, informative, humorous, not self-involved (which is an oxymoron in the blogging world) and most importantly interesting? That's a tough one. Maybe, I'll just indulge on this one. I've never made a bucket list. I find it morbid. Like once I accomplish my list, I will drop dead. But there are things I want to do and for some reason, when it gets put on a list, I'm more likely to accomplish it.

Also, to be completely honest, I started a new job in September. And I absolutely love it. My co-workers are great and my hours are flexible. But there's always that period of getting to know each other and throwing my blog out there might be a little too much Alex a little fast. And isn't it really annoying when people talk in third person? And in today's world once something is on the Internet, it's there forever. Somewhere, years from now, I could be running for office and then some blog I wrote 10 years ago will surface and I'll be asked to defend my "position" even if that position has changed and so on. But, who am I kidding? I would never run for office. I sealed that deal Spring Break '01 in Cancun. That's all we'll say about that.

OK. My half-hearted attempt at a bucket list:

1. Travel to Italy, Greece OR France
2. Visit Holland and Indonesia and look up my family
3. Start and commit to Yoga
4. Learn to meditate
5. Learn the how to play the mouth organ...hahaha..the harmonica
6. Take my children to impoverished areas and volunteer
7. Own chickens
8. Maintain a healthy weight for more than a year
9. Be debt free
10. Do a kind act for 30 straight days..even if it's just words of encouragement to someone who needs it
11. Volunteer for an organization that is out of my comfort zone
12. Travel alone
13. Raise my children to be sensitive and caring individuals
14. Shoot a gun
15. Catch, scale and cook my own fish
16. Don't something to face my fear of heights..not sure what
17. Read all the books on Time Magazine's All Time 100 novels
18. Sleep outside under the stars
19. Learn how to knit
20. Take a train further than Chicago
21. Take a cruise
22. Ride a horse
23. Open my own spice and gourmet oil store
24. Work with animals again
25. Write a book (I have at least 2 non-fiction and 1 fiction books in my head)
26. Finish my bachelor's degree
27. Obtain my master's degree
28. Run a marathon (I might need to start training for this!)
29. Visit Alaska
30. Grow and sustain a garden
31. Send both my boys to college
32. Be involved in a community organization like the PTA
33. Walk the whole Lake Geneva Shorepath
34. Rock climb
35. Give up artificial sweeteners FOR GOOD
36. Write an essay and submit it to a magazine
37. Be published in a national magazine
38. Donate an entire paycheck to charity
39. Do something I would never do...this is yet to be determined
40. Celebrate 60 years of marriage

That's a pretty extensive list and it also made me realize I haven't really done a whole lot and that's pretty depressing. I think the key is is to pick one of my items and commit myself to it. And I think many of them are completely doable. I'm about to cross one off already as I'm traveling to Philly for 4 days to visit a friend! So yay me. I know, I'm a risk taker! That is one of the things I want to work on. I'm a helicopter parent to myself! So here's to making my first bucket list!! Good luck me!

"It's Lupus isn't it? I know it's Lupus"- George Costanza

So, I haven't written a blog since January I think. That's a long stretch. I guess life has left me with little

http://www.lupusny.org

time to write blogs. Alas, this blog has meaning. It's written because I do have the time. I have the time because I lost my job. That's right. I am no longer the Executive Director for the Waterford Chamber of Commerce. I really don't want to get into details, but I will say it was not mutual and the 90 days I was there I sure did give 100%. For having no training and being thrown into several areas at once, I think I did pretty damn well getting organized and establishing my place. But I digress. So is life and now I'm back on the job hunt.

There is just one problem with the job hunt. I've been diagnosed Lupus and Fibromyalgia. I see a rheumatologist and am waiting on results for other complications that cosme with Lupus. Lupus is an autoimmune disease. I have antibodies in my blood that attack my immune system. With a weakened immune system there is a whole host of issues. Different parts of my body can be affected at any time. Right now it's more renal or in my kidneys. I'm extremely photosensitive and even ten minutes in the sun and I break out into a rash. My joints swell and ache. I also have another condition call lupus anti-coagulent syndrome. This is what started it all. My protein cells bind to my red blood cells causing clots. I'm at risk for stroke and blood clots. This is the reason I had Aaron at 31 weeks because I had a clot in my uterus and had a placental abruption. I lost a baby after that and when I was pregnant with Jude I had to give myself shots in the stomach everyday for 7 months to thin my blood. Thankfully Jude made it to term and was very healthy. I'm on a cocktail of medications that include a blood thinner so now I have to wear a medical bracelet in case I get in an accident and don't bleed to death. Morbid? Yes. But I have to get this off my chest.

Do I feel sorry for myself? Of course I do. I've had terrible medical diagnoses and lost my job in the same week. A day before a paid holiday and before approved paid vacation days. Two weeks before the biggest event, The Balloon Fest, that I spent countless hours organizing and planning. I won't even get to see the turnout. That makes me sad. Nothing like working hard on a project and not getting to see it through. There was also the Full Moon Four Miler I was in the middle of planning that happens on Aug. 3. Another event I won't get to see through that I spent hours planning. That's what upsets me the most. I cared about these events as I care about anything I work on. I cared about the community and wanted to see my hometown thrive. Aaron LOVES hot air balloons and this year the festival is on his birthday. Now we won't be there. All in all I feel hurt and betrayed. But business is business I guess. You know what they say, "it's not personal." But in this case it is. In so many ways.

We went on a short vacation right after the Fourth of July. That was wonderful. Just me and my family. Summer days are very difficult for me to function. This also sucks. My kids are so young and their mom has so many limitations.

A typical day (they are worse now, as stress causes flare-ups) is me taking about 20 min to get out of bed if my Lupus is acting up. Once I'm up, I'm slow but I function. I take care of the dogs, feed the kids, get them ready, get myself ready and out we go. Well, now we don't go anywhere. Once I'm at work or wherever and up and moving I do ok. I can function well and would typically work at least 9 hours a day. All my doctors advise against stress. Easier said then done. I need to make money. It's very difficult to have just one parent working. We could survive, but not the lifestyle I prefer. Plus I enjoy contributing financially. What kind of job can I get that pays well? Ideally would be a full time telecommuting job. I'm seriously considering becoming a L'Bri consultant. I could freelance for the paper. I still have pet sitting. But still, none of that comes close to what i need to make.

So, I'm stuck at a crossroads. I will continue on my schooling, but getting a traditional job is going to be extremely difficult. Budgeting will be tricky. But we will get through it. Sorry this blog is such a self-loathing pity party, but I had to get it down. Also, I'm looking for leads for jobs. Let me know if you know of anything. thanks for reading. Pity Party now ending.

Will we just become desensitized to everything?

"In psychology, desensitization (also called inurement) is defined as the diminished emotional responsiveness to a negative or aversive stimulus after repeated exposure to it."

Wikipedia

How many parents watched the Sandy Hook coverage and just felt utterly sick to their stomachs? How many Americans shook their heads, wiped their tears and thought, "Not again." I wonder how many watched the coverage as closely as they did with 9/11 or Columbine (which hits especially close to home for the Dahlstroms) or tried to avoid it as much as possible? How many parents thought "how am I going to explain this to my children?" How many teachers started to seriously reconsider their career choices? When exactly did gun control get thrown in? Why was the fact the shooter was autistic have anything to do with why he did this? Do we need to study mental illness closer? What about the drugs that are prescribed to treat mental illness? What causes such violence? Could it really be video games?

Those were questions I've been thinking about. As the one month anniversary has already passed (I can't believe its been a month) it seems the tragedy is still very fresh in the minds of many. These questions are enough to make a person go mad. I nearly did. I did something I rarely ever do especially as a reporter. I tuned out. I turned it off. I clicked on a different webpage. I really tried to distance myself from anything Sandy Hook. But it didn't go away. The fact is I just couldn't grasp what the people of Newtown and the parents of the children were going through. Anytime I caught a glimpse of one of those precious child's face it was like I was sucker punched in the gut. I've never even been sucker punched in the gut but I imagine the feeling is similar. I didn't talk to many people about it besides the occasional, "It's terrible," "I feel so bad for the families." and "How could this happen" if I found myself in a conversation that turned to Sandy Hook. I didn't post or comment much on Facebook. For all that know me, I'm what you would call a "heavy facebook user." But this time. This time was different. I considered that maybe it was because I have two children but I realized what it actually was. I'm becoming desensitized to sensational news. Not the tragedy or horror of the incident but the reporting of it.

We are now able to watch things unfold in real time via social networking like twitter and all the news channels are like a pack of hungry wolves tearing away at the flesh of the information hoping for an actual bite. I have no actual numbers but I'd be interested to know how much of the first released information gets redacted because it was incorrect. Two big ones. Mom was a kindergarten teacher. Nope. Also the media released a name of the shooter with no actual evidence it was correct. It wasn't. Imagine you are at work and all over national and maybe world news you are being accused of shooting children. How do you recover from that? It's the saturation that is wearing at me. When 9/11 happened I could not tear myself away. The only other time I remember being glued to the tv like that was the OJ Simpson Bronco chase.

It has become obvious to me that the amount of coverage these tragedies are getting are probably counterproductive to preventing them. There's all this talk about gun control, better security and better mental illness awareness in the aftermath of the shootings. But the days immediately following we are forced to see the shooter's face on the tv or footage is released from security cameras. People are asking why they haven't released the security footage at Sandy Hook? Why people?! Why do we need to see a very disturbed young man shooting children? What does that do? Remember Virginia Tech? We had to watch that kid's death video with him ranting about what he did. The tape wasn't in the hands of the network for more than 10 seconds before they slapped it on the air. Did that shed any light on the incident or help with anyone's healing? Doubtful. Just opened up already bleeding wounds. Is there any reason this is happening? Is it infamy? These shooters are such cowards that they do these horrific things and then kill themselves (well most do, some stick it out). Knowing people will know who they are even if they are dead seems to be good enough. I'm sorry but that is a f'ed up way of thinking and wanting attention. One thing we never get to know is why they did it. Why did they have to take so many innocent lives with them?

On the other hand, if we don't give enough attention to these shootings are we being insensitive? Our society has created a monster which we continue to feed because we don't know what else to do. We've gotten so used to getting all the information instantly, could we wait for actual facts? This is still a time for grieving for many. This is also a time to open up communication with your children to tell them that there are people who do bad things but they are many people who do good things and those are the things worth living for.

There's another kind of desensitizing going on that isn't related to over saturation of information. It's the conspiracy theorists. Now, I think it's good to question things and never to take anything at face value, but for Pete's sake, Sandy Hook being a huge government hoax??!! I might question the assassination of JFK, I have questions about 9/11 too and yes,I think Roswell probably happened but this? Hiring Crisis Actors to go on national tv to claim their pretend child was killed? That doesn't even make sense. This is going to far for me. It's irresponsible and dangerous. I read that the parents of one of the victims have to move because they can see the shooter's house from their own. I refuse to use his name. Imagine driving home and seeing the house the person who shot your child every. single. day. Then having your very identity questioned and the existence of your child? It makes me want to puke. Or the poor mother who had to identify her son whose jaw was blown off, then finding out there's a whole bunch of assholes saying it didn't happen. And people are questioning things like what gun was used or when a facebook page was made? WHO GIVES A SHIT? That's a desensitization I hope never happens to me. When people lose empathy they lose the ability to comfort as well. And right now we all need some comfort.

For anyone wanting more information on the stupidest video ever made and all the other Sandy Hook rumors visit this reputable site:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/guns/newtown.asp

Let's Talk Gun Control Shall We? - thoughts on the Aurora shootings

As I contemplated what I would write my blog about I had so many ideas. A lot has happened recently and I just wasn't sure what I felt like tackling. Also, I've been reading nearly everything I can about everything that's been in the news. Well, many things. It's really hard to stay totally caught up and my own weak spot in the news world is international news and I have made a vow to get better at that. Here is a short list of events I considered blogging about: Sandusky Trial and Penn State's smack down from the NCAA, the Olympics and the uniforms made in China (which for me is a metaphor for so much more), Chik Fil A and their owners stance on gay marriage (I really did want to blog about this but I feel like I have blogged on gay rights quite a bit so I passed this time) and finally the Aurora shootings. Oh, one more. Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson. Totally out of my usual realm of blogs but still. Homewrecker much? And would on Earth would cheat on RPatz?? (I know. I'm such a nerd)

For fear of sounding like a broken record I almost didn't blog on the shootings since it's so overplayed in the media and we are saturated with so much detail whether it's important or not. I have a few thoughts I will play out in this blog. One is the amount of media attention these situation get, mental illness and the media and lastly gun control as a whole. You may boo or you may cheer at what I say or you may just say, "eh, whatever." It's all well and good.

So every single time a tragedy of this magnitude plays out in the media every one has a knee jerk reaction. "Oh my god!" "how tragic" "was he caught?" "how many people died". After the initial feeding of the starvation of the basics, things start to get broken down. "Who was this guy?" "Where there warning signs?" "Who knew him" and the focal point falls from the victims and lands smack dab on the killer. In many cases I believe this is what the killer wants but that's just speculation. The human mind (most of them) cannot comprehend the idea of killing a person let alone a lot of people. Sheer curiosity and the need to understand can overtake our compassion for those who were slain. That to me is very sad. James Holmes should merely be a footnote and we should get updates as he goes to court. Hearing dates, updates, trial dates, etc. I honestly don't care to see his spacey looking bug eyes beneath a tousle of badly died red curls again. I want to know about the victims. I want to know about their dreams and their families. I want to know about funds that people can donate to their families or the victims who are still alive and funds to help them with medical costs. I know that information is out there but to find it, again, I have to see four times as many articles and pictures of 'ol bug eyes. Also, isn't this usually what these serial killers or mass murders want? I am not a FBI profilist or whatever but I have studied extensively on serial killers. Why? Simple. The human brain fascinates me and psychology fascinates me. What happens in the brain to allow these things to happen is disturbing and interesting. Anyway, from what I have learned from experts in the field is this is usually the last straw to get noticed. These individuals are so alone and their reality has become so distorted that they feel this is the only way to make a name for themselves, to be known, and not disappear into oblivion like the rest of us someday will.

That brings me to the mental health issues. Many Americans suffer from mental illness. Whether it's anxiety to severe depression to actual agoraphobia or other afflictions that make their daily lives really hard, it's all there. But there has always been a stigma on mental health. Most likely the term "crazy". Now no one wants to be called crazy. Like seriously crazy. And no one wants others to feel weird around them, not trust them with their children, or other judgements if they find out the person has a mental illness. I don't know anything about this guy's mental illness or if he even has one. I think it's safe to assume he does. "Normal" people do not walk into a theater and just start shooting. This is not human nature to kill for no reason. Something inside him snapped. Or something has been simmering for a long time and finally blew. Were there signs? That's a subjective thing to say because even I have off days and I would hate for someone to think because I've become withdrawn I'm going to go on a murderous rampage.  Which also makes me think of what his defense will say. How will he plead? Not guilty because of mental illness or defect (thank you Law and Order SVU) or will he plead out. I really do hate plea bargains. Just so the prosecutor gets a "win" some people never get put to trial in front of their peers for judgement. They plead "guilty" for a less sentence. That almost seems like blackmail or extortion. "You give me a win and I won't throw you in the slammer." Disappointing..

My last thought (I'm making a valid effort to keep these blogs much shorter as I tend to go on and on, gun control. This shooting like so many others has opened up a whole bag of worms regarding gun control. Both sides are up in arms (pun intended). You have the groups who want more restriction, more control, more over site, less guns, you also have the other side who says if guns were allowed in the theater this would have never happened. Ok, the last statement is just plain ignorant. No one can say for sure what would have happened if someone in the theater had a gun. Let's be realistic. It was chaotic, tear gas was in the air, people are screaming and bleeding and fights are being fired in the dark. Here's the different between the gunman and everyone else. He wasn't aiming for anyone in particular. He didn't care who he shot. If you were in the theater with a gun you would have to be able to grab it, locate your target and shoot. Way easier said then down my friends, and if you think you "could have taken him out" shut up. You have no idea if you could have. For all you know you could have ended up shooting more innocent people. One little piece of evidence all these "would be heroes" seem to be forgetting is this guy was covered in bullet proof armor from head to toe so let go of your fantasy were you and your gun are the big heroes. Ok, that being said, this situation is not an issue about gun control for me. On either side. First of all, what more regulations can you have? He didn't have any priors and passed all clearances. He obtained his guns legally just like millions of other Americans but they don't shoot up theaters. How much of a background test are we going to give people? Make them take a lie detector? Scan their brains? We run a fine line of invading to much privacy here. So no, more regulation would NOT have prevented this. Having concealed carry in the theater would NOT have prevented this. You know why? If a person wants to do something of this magnitude they are going to do it, whatever means necessary. If he couldn't get the ammo and guns legally he would have gotten them on streets so that point is moot. If people want to be homicidal maniacs they will be. Sorry to say but it's true. It's called free will and everyone has it. Some use it for good and others use it to hurt. Holmes chose to kill people. He was going to do this regardless of his means of obtaining the guns. That was merely a point on his checklist of "Things I have to do before I start killing innocent people".

My final thoughts are there is so much talk, talk, talk, and speculation about what if and could have. The fact of the matter is this happened. Let the families mourn. Pray for those who have lost. Be grateful for everyday you have and love everyone as much as you can. Take all the politics and speculation away and you are left with broken hearts and broken families. Including Holme's family. They are dealing with the unimaginable. Let these families say goodbye in piece and figure out how to go on. And to the Wall Street Journal reporter James Taranto who tweeted,

"I hope the girls whose boyfriends died to save them were worthy of the sacrifice."

I am going to punch you in the wiener if I ever see you. How dare you classify or question their "worthiness". Their boyfriends decided they were worthy when they shielded them from flying bullets. True heroes. Gave the ultimate sacrifice and should be remembered as such. Saying something so stupid on your Twitter account Mr. Taranto shows your huge lack of sensitivity and that basically your kind of an asshole. How do you think the girls family would feel? Anyway, I'm getting off topic because people can be ignorant and stupid.

All I can say is that I hope the families of the victims and the surviving victims going through treatment find some peace somewhere. You have not lost your loved ones in vain even if the media portrays that.

A lady named Rhonda

Wow, it sure has been awhile since I did this. Months actually. Part of me has had this in the back of my mind but the other part has just been too busy to take the time. Also the last blog was about Gia and that is still a part of my life I am dealing with. It certainly isn't because I haven't had anything to blog about. The opposite really. I have lots of things going on but is any of it interesting enough for others to read is the real question. Well I have a story today that is of interest. I thought I would use this blog today to catch everyone up on my life, but really what's to know? Here's the 5 second rundown: new job-love it, in school- tolerating it, lots of pet sitting- helpful, boys getting bigger- wonderful, got a new dog- adorable. Now that that's out of the way here's my story and my thoughts on it. This event happened to me today. It has had a very profound effect on me and I've really had to concentrate to stay on task today.

Today was a typical Monday for me. Up early, getting kids ready, getting myself ready, animals fed, let out, etc. etc. After all this is done I leave for my very long day at work. Mondays are my longest and hardest days as it's my deadline day. I have to make sure all my work is done for the Delavan Enterprise and then have to begin and finish my own papers The Lake Geneva Times and Genoa City Report. Every Monday I go to the Delavan Municipal Building/ Police Station for my editor. I pick up any mail for the Enterprise and go over to the P.D. to pick up the police blotter from the past week. The blotter is basically a run down of all the calls that came in and why. Today was busier than usual. I had to park closer to the Municipal part of the building than most Mondays. I typically park by the P.D.  and make that my first stop. I have a routine. I stop in at the P.D., let them know I'm here and they begin to get the blotter ready for me, during that time I walk over (which is just a doorway) to the municipal building to pick up the mail. By the time I do this (sometimes stopping at the restroom) the blotter is ready for me to pick up and I go on my merry way to work.

Today was not that typical day. As I walked up the stairs to the building to go over to the P.D. I saw a woman sitting in the lobby. Her back was to me and I could see three animal carriers around her. I didn't want to stare so I glanced her way and went to the P.D. I had to cross this lady again to get the mail and again to pick up the blotter. Now I could have left the building through the P.D. side but something was telling me to go back to the lobby. I also knew if I didn't I probably would never forgive myself. I then was determined to see if this lady needed help. I don't know why I felt like she did I just did.

I walked over to her cautiously and noticed she indeed had three carriers with cats in each one. Her clothes were dirty, her hands and nails were black, her hair was pulled up and matted and her face was tired and worn. She was eating out a can. I didn't want to stare or make her feel bad but I kneeled down next to her to speak to her. Immediately I noticed a strong odor coming from her and concluded it was a mixture of the cats and perhaps not being able to bath for awhile. I couldn't help but think "What is this woman doing in here? Is she homeless? Has anyone asked her if she needed help?" I was shocked to see several people coming and going and not even glance in her direction. As I walked over I softly said, "Hi Ma'am. Do you need some help?" She quickly shook her head and said she was fine and waiting for the pawn shop to open so she could sell her things and get back home. I again asked her if she needed help and she began to shake and cry. I held out my hand and said "My name is Alex. What's your name?" She told me her name was Rhonda. I sat down next to her and asked her what happened. Why was she inside here with her cats, dirty, eating corn from a can, looking like life had slapped her in the face? She began to tell me her story about how her boyfriend who was violent went to jail in California, in hopes of starting a new life she packed up all she had, her 5 cats (yes 5), emptied her savings and jumped on the road headed for Wisconsin where she was going to stay with a long time friend until she could get back on her feet. Apparently her friend's wife decided the cats had to go or get to the vet immediately to get checked out. This was on a Sunday and not a feasible option. It turned out this was just the wife's way of telling Rhonda she actually was not welcome to stay. Rhonda had spent every dollar she had getting out here. She drove a large truck with all her belongings and it cost her nearly $1000 in gas to get to Wisconsin. She had hopes of a new life and now here she was stranded in a strange place with no money, no place to go, no food and no hope.

The folks at the municipal building let her sit in the lobby with her cats to escape the heat. Apparently she sat there all day on Sunday. I noticed her cats seemed very anxious and were probably very tired of being cooped up. I asked her about the cats and she said they where her babies and she did not want to give them up. At this point I wasn't sure what to do. I had to help her but had no idea how. I certainly don't have $1000 to give her for gas. I gave her my number and took hers. She had gotten a prepaid phone and had minutes on it.  I told her I needed to make some phone calls and would try to do what I could to help her but I couldn't promise anything. I went back to my car determined to find this woman help. Any help. I thought that I could at least get her cats some more food and litter and maybe help her find a place to rest while we figured out how she would get home.

I immediately thought of my friends Sal and Corinne Dimiceli from the Time is Now. I wasn't sure how fast I could get ahold of them but I would try. I called Sal first and his cell phone was not on. I then sent Corinne an email and told her it was urgent she call me as soon as she could. I let Rhonda know I was trying to get her help from a local charity. I asked her to sit tight, stay cool and I promised she would hear from me one way or the other. I did have to get to work!

When I got to work I told my co workers what I had seen and experienced. I could see the concern in their eyes and knew they could see mine. It took every once of strength to not start crying. Mostly because I didn't know if I was going to be able to help this woman get home and also because looking that kind of pain and hurt straight in the eye is very difficult. I started my work and got a call from Corinne about an hour or so since I first sent her the email. I explained what was going on and that I tried to call Sal. She told me that Sal was with a handicapped man helping him and she would get a hold of him asap. We talked about Rhonda and I gave her all the information I had. I then called Rhonda and told her that she would most likely be getting a call from some friends of mine so to keep her phone nearby. After several hours I was getting anxious wondering what was happening. Just like that my phone rang. It was Rhonda. Sal and Corinne had gone into action and were helping Rhonda get home. Sal set her up in a hotel in Lake Geneva where she could also keep her cats. The woman who runs the hotel had it all ready and very cool so Rhonda could get comfortable. She needed to shower, sleep and eat before she could even think about her trekk home. Sal also left her plenty of Walmart gift cards at the front desk, gas cards, and funds to get the things she needed and then get back home. Rhonda was sobbing on the phone telling me what a miracle it was and how she believed her cats saved her life because that was the reason I initially stopped.

I just spoke to her again and she is overwhelmed with the generosity of Sal and the Time is Now. This blog is beginning to sound like a Time is Now column! She kept thanking me and I told her it wasn't necessary and I just hope if I were in a tough spot someone would stop and ask me if I needed help. She plans on heading back home to California where she does have family and friends for the most part tomorrow.

So of course this has been on my mind all day. And yes I was at first concerned for the cats but once I looked at her face I was just as concerned for her. With the latest heat I knew neither she nor her cats would last long without some help. I know how cliche this all will sound but when you see that in person you really reflect on what you have and not so much on what you don't have. I'm not writing this looking for any sort of "good job". I'm writing this because it had such and affect on me and it was time for me to blog again. Everyone is guilty of overindulgence and wanting the greatest and latest. Myself included. But looking at this lady with her cats eating out of a can I wanted to give her anything I had to help her. I know some people will think this was her own fault and maybe that's why no one stopped. Maybe she made a mistake in coming out here but how was she to know? And regardless of how she got here she was here and there was no going back on what was done. I haven't been very sympathetic to people for the most part. I always felt that if they wanted something they should be able to take care of it. However, bad things do happen. Things that aren't planned. And it could happen to anyone at anytime. People really need to stop being so self absorbed.

All I know is while Rhonda felt grateful I came into her life, I feel grateful she came into mine. Sometimes you need a reality check to stop being so damn materialistic. There are many very good people who get dealt a bad hand now and then. I'm definitely guilty of taking my life for granted but I do know that I will think of Rhonda often and use that to make sure I don't take for granted the wonderful life I have. People like Sal and Corinne are not the norm and I am constantly in awe of their work. I did receive a message from Sal that everything was taken care of and I didn't have to worry or take her cats in! I feel better that I put this in writing. Maybe I don't write as much as I now I do a LOT of writing for school and work but today it just felt like a good time. And I will think of my new friend Rhonda often and hope she is back on her feet with those 5 cats of hers.

Dear Gia

I have been going back and forth about writing a blog about my dog, Gia, who I had to put to sleep yesterday. I just can't seem to organize my emotions and grief. And just let me say right now to anyone who is readying those thinking "It's just a dog. It's not like you lost a family member" stop reading. People who don't have pets will never understand. Of course I would be grieving if I lost a person I love. But losing a pet you had for 13 years is no picnic. Everyone grieves their own way. I haven't had to grieve in a very long time. I have been hit with a whirlwind of emotions. All the symptoms of grief. Sadness, Denial, Anger, Guilt, and trust me I'm working on acceptance.

This dog was a major part of my life. Before I ever even had an inkling of getting married and starting a family I had Gia. She was with me and by my side for all the big moments in my life. Both happy moments and sad moments. And sometimes even my darkest moments.

I think people might think because I worked with animals for so long that I would be used to this or more accepting. It's actually the opposite. You know what an animal has to offer and how they can affect the lives around them. How they can be theraputic and scientifically proven to improve your health. Trust me, just because I worked with animals and had to say good bye to some of them, it's nothing compared to losing your own. You have that feeling in your stomach that you could puke. You start thinking of times with your friend and try to force yourself to think of anything else. You almost want to just forget. Because at least it wouldn't hurt.

I've been reading on many different sites how to handle the loss of a pet. Since I like to write I figured I'd blog. Not really for others. I really don't care if anyone reads this. This is for me and a theraputic way for me to get out how I feel. If anyone judges me I don't care. A friend told me to do what I need to do and what makes me feel better. That is my plan and I don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks about it. That's all i'm going to say about that.

It's funny because I can still feel her laying next to me, I can still feel her fur which was always so soft, I can still hear her murmurs when she got locked in Aaron's room, I can smell her doggy breath when she would try to lick my face. The point being is she is still all around me. I know that will fade and I will become use to being someone who only has one dog but I feel it would be disloyal to just try to suck it up and move on. Gia would never hurt a soul. Actually she was against violence of any kind. She hated when people fought even if it was just pretend. No matter who it was if someone tried to hit another person she would growl, bark and put herself in between the people every time. Always the peacemaker. One thing I read is to write a letter to the one you lost. I liked this so I decided to write Gia a letter.


Dear Gia,

Did you know how much I loved you? Did you know how much you meant to me? Do you know how badly I miss you. Do you know that my heart is broken and a piece of me died with you?Do you know that letting you go was the hardest decision I've ever had to make? Do you know how much Dad, Aaron, and Jude loved you? Do you know how lost Lambeau is without his best friend? Do you know how much he misses you?

I asked these questions to reassure you you were never taken for granted. You know you are and will always be my princess. From the moment you first stayed with me and slept in my room, I knew you would be my dog. It was a common kinship and we both were committed for the long haul. I think you always knew I would always take care of you. You needed me to save you at that moment and in return you saved me in ways I can never express. I felt I didn't have a friend or another being in the world that cared for me unconditionally. Then I had you. You did love me unconditionally. You accepted me and never judged me. I was your mom and you would forever follow by side and show how fiercely loyal you were.

I never thought twice about how I felt about my little girl and how I would talk about you. I never thought twice about bringing you every where I could because I felt you would enjoy being out with me. What I didn't realize is how much everyone else would love you. Every person you met you left an impact on. Every one misses you. Every one loved you. You where more than just my dog. You where my friend, my companion, and the greatest little thing to come to my life when I needed it the most.. I hurt more than I can describe. The pain is intense but I know it's nothing compared to the pain you were in. To see you suffer made my heart ache and I couldn't let you go on like that. I knew you would trust me to do the right thing by you. I knew you would know how much I love you. I never expected this to be so hard and painful. I knew it would hurt but I was unprepared for the amount of grief that has fallen on me. I feel like this can't be real, Gia. You can't be gone. You just can't leave me yet. I'm not ready to say goodbye even though I had to. I was not ready to lose you.

I don't know how long this is going to hurt so very much but my life will never be the same. You changed me forever. You taught me unconditional love. You showed me loyalty. You gave me stability. You shared my sorrow and my happiness. You accepted that I had another love in my life and you loved him too. You took it in stride when we brought Lambeau home. Then all the fosters and eventually the cats. You still were the Gia I loved. When I had children you accepted them as your own. You never left my side when I was on bedrest. You would wait for me outside the bathroom. You waited all day by the window for me to come home. Seeing you every day will be memories I'll always have.

The memories I have with you are more than I can count but I will do my best to remember them. You were not "just a dog". You were my friend. My best friend. You were my Princess and I love and miss you so very much. Please rest in peace my little heartbeat at my feet.

Much love forever,

Your Mom