"It's Lupus isn't it? I know it's Lupus"- George Costanza

So, I haven't written a blog since January I think. That's a long stretch. I guess life has left me with little

http://www.lupusny.org

time to write blogs. Alas, this blog has meaning. It's written because I do have the time. I have the time because I lost my job. That's right. I am no longer the Executive Director for the Waterford Chamber of Commerce. I really don't want to get into details, but I will say it was not mutual and the 90 days I was there I sure did give 100%. For having no training and being thrown into several areas at once, I think I did pretty damn well getting organized and establishing my place. But I digress. So is life and now I'm back on the job hunt.

There is just one problem with the job hunt. I've been diagnosed Lupus and Fibromyalgia. I see a rheumatologist and am waiting on results for other complications that cosme with Lupus. Lupus is an autoimmune disease. I have antibodies in my blood that attack my immune system. With a weakened immune system there is a whole host of issues. Different parts of my body can be affected at any time. Right now it's more renal or in my kidneys. I'm extremely photosensitive and even ten minutes in the sun and I break out into a rash. My joints swell and ache. I also have another condition call lupus anti-coagulent syndrome. This is what started it all. My protein cells bind to my red blood cells causing clots. I'm at risk for stroke and blood clots. This is the reason I had Aaron at 31 weeks because I had a clot in my uterus and had a placental abruption. I lost a baby after that and when I was pregnant with Jude I had to give myself shots in the stomach everyday for 7 months to thin my blood. Thankfully Jude made it to term and was very healthy. I'm on a cocktail of medications that include a blood thinner so now I have to wear a medical bracelet in case I get in an accident and don't bleed to death. Morbid? Yes. But I have to get this off my chest.

Do I feel sorry for myself? Of course I do. I've had terrible medical diagnoses and lost my job in the same week. A day before a paid holiday and before approved paid vacation days. Two weeks before the biggest event, The Balloon Fest, that I spent countless hours organizing and planning. I won't even get to see the turnout. That makes me sad. Nothing like working hard on a project and not getting to see it through. There was also the Full Moon Four Miler I was in the middle of planning that happens on Aug. 3. Another event I won't get to see through that I spent hours planning. That's what upsets me the most. I cared about these events as I care about anything I work on. I cared about the community and wanted to see my hometown thrive. Aaron LOVES hot air balloons and this year the festival is on his birthday. Now we won't be there. All in all I feel hurt and betrayed. But business is business I guess. You know what they say, "it's not personal." But in this case it is. In so many ways.

We went on a short vacation right after the Fourth of July. That was wonderful. Just me and my family. Summer days are very difficult for me to function. This also sucks. My kids are so young and their mom has so many limitations.

A typical day (they are worse now, as stress causes flare-ups) is me taking about 20 min to get out of bed if my Lupus is acting up. Once I'm up, I'm slow but I function. I take care of the dogs, feed the kids, get them ready, get myself ready and out we go. Well, now we don't go anywhere. Once I'm at work or wherever and up and moving I do ok. I can function well and would typically work at least 9 hours a day. All my doctors advise against stress. Easier said then done. I need to make money. It's very difficult to have just one parent working. We could survive, but not the lifestyle I prefer. Plus I enjoy contributing financially. What kind of job can I get that pays well? Ideally would be a full time telecommuting job. I'm seriously considering becoming a L'Bri consultant. I could freelance for the paper. I still have pet sitting. But still, none of that comes close to what i need to make.

So, I'm stuck at a crossroads. I will continue on my schooling, but getting a traditional job is going to be extremely difficult. Budgeting will be tricky. But we will get through it. Sorry this blog is such a self-loathing pity party, but I had to get it down. Also, I'm looking for leads for jobs. Let me know if you know of anything. thanks for reading. Pity Party now ending.