A Walk to Remember..Why It Means Something To Me

I recently posted a link to the Walk To Remember event on facebook. This is a walk to remember all of the babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. This is a topic that often does not get discussed because of the taboo around it or people feel it isn't appropriate. Most often people just don't know what to say. The truth is that more people do need to talk about it and become aware of how unbelievably common it is to lose a baby. Perhaps too common. Everyone probably knows someone who has experience some kind of loss. Yet, the woman who experience this are just expected to move on. Forget it happened. It's easier that way. Well, it's not. For many people they want to talk about it and share but just don't know how. This walk will represent all those affected. I personally know three amazing woman who suffered from stillbirth and infant death. I know even more that have suffered at least one miscarriage. I have suffered a miscarriage. Here is my story.

Adam and I where just getting used to being first time parents. To a premature baby no less! Our wonderful, Aaron, was born at just 33wks and was a mere 5lbs 3oz and was born on July 19, 2009. When we took him home he just barely made 5 pounds. I look back at pictures and can't believe how small he was! It was April of 2010 and I had started to not feel well. I had assumed it was *ahem* Aunt Flo returning for her visit as she decided to return just 3 months after I gave birth. Something about the way I felt was different. I felt sicker and had an instinct that something was just not quite right. After what I would call the worst cramping of my life and several hours in the bathroom I realized what was happening and all the pieces fell into place. I went to the doctor a few days later to confirm what I had already known. I had lost a baby. I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 weeks but as Dr. Seuss would say "person's a person no matter how small." I didn't really know how to react so I just didn't. I told Adam and we just went on with our lives. We didn't tell anyone and some of you reading this may be hearing this for the first time. I apologize for that but after so much time goes by how do you even bring it up? Some of you might be wondering "why the heck is she sharing something so personal?" which is understandable because I really struggled about writing this. My reasons are that an amazing woman has been very vocal about her loss and has inspired me to address my own. I realized I did not give myself the proper mourning or time to process what had happened. I then became pregnant with Jude a few months later and the loss was just a memory. Unlike many woman, during my pregnancy with Jude we found out why I had a placental abruption with Aaron and had a miscarriage. I had a condition called Lupus Anti-Coagulant Disease which makes your blood thick and more prone to clots. We know clots cause miscarriage and abruptions. I feel now that in order for me to move forward I am going to participate and help with this event. It will give me a chance to find peace and closure with my own situation while supporting others as well. The fact that all donations are being donated to amazing charities is even more of a reason.

One of my very best friends lost her baby at 25wks. This was before I had either of my children. I had never known anyone who went through this and didn't know how to respond. I just made myself available to her every step of the way and didn't try to understand but just be supportive. After having my own children, I look back at this event and cannot imagine what she went through. She seems that much more amazing to me today then she did then.

I don't mean for this blog to be a downer and I'm sorry if it makes you sad, but these are just the facts of life. Life can be cruel and unforgiving but it can also be wonderful and exciting. If you can take horrible events and try to find a light at the end of the tunnel, life has a lot more meaning. That's what this event is going to be for everyone. The light in their tunnel to be around friends and families that understand. To encourage people that this doesn't have to be kept a secret and there are others out there that are willing to talk.

facebook link

If you are still reading this then I ask for your support with this walk. Please consider making a donation to the event that will go to several amazing charities. The event blog has all the details. Also, donations are needed to provide participating families with tshirts with their loved ones name as well as basic supplies. Even a pack of 100 plates would be amazing! Visit this site for all the info or you can send me an email at adahlstrom81@gmail.com. http://walktoremembersewi.blogspot.com/.

I realize how very personal this blog is and how much I am sharing. I do this in hopes of encouraging others to share as well. But really my life is an open book and if I think one of my experiences can help someone else than I will tell it. I apologize if you are reading this and becoming increasingly uncomfortable about the personalness (i just made up that word) of it. There are just many aspects of infant loss that need to be addressed. Many states won't recognize a stillbirth as a baby or a person because they didn't take a breath yet if the mother is murdered while pregnant than the person can be charged with both murders. No birth certificates are presented to families of stillbirth yet death certificates are. How hard it must be for a woman to carry her child, a person, for 9 mths to lose that little life and have people tell her it wasn't a person and won't be recognized as such. Very sad. I think I'm going to stop here as not to go on and on. I think I made my point. Thank you for reading and not judging me for revealing such a personal and vulnerable side of myself.

Much Love,
Alex

The SAHM Adventure begins to end

So, I have realized I haven't blogged in well over a month. Not that I haven't had anything to say! If you know me you know I have something to say pretty much always. This summer has been jam packed with activities, birthdays, get togethers, weddings, etc. I can not even believe that Aaron just turned two and Jude is almost 5mths. I really feel I should start researching the flux capacitor to stop this all from happening so fast!

Much of my blog shared my feelings on motherhood and adjusting to life at home with my boys. I've been home since October and have really enjoyed the time with my family. My sister was also on maternity leave for 12wks and I LOVED talking to her everyday. Alas, she went back to work and I was super bummed. I know she  was too and it's not that we don't talk any less (I call her constantly anyway) but I always felt I had a kinship with her staying at home with her babies and me with mine.

So the real point of my blog is my decision to go back to work. I know, I know. I made such a big deal about staying home and all that goes with it. A few reasons why I have decided to go back: first of all finances, which should be no real big surprise. Very few people can afford to have just one parent work. While we where able to make ends meet, it was difficult and the cutbacks where brutal. There are just some things I am not willing to give up. Call me selfish or whatever but I am not thrilled of the idea of staying at home always because we can't afford to do anything! Also, I want to be able to really save for our kids. While Adam's income keeps us afloat I was able to pitch in with the pet sitting. I love pet sitting but there is no consistency to it. This summer has been super busy with jobs  so it's been ok. Secondly, honestly, I miss working. Let me rephrase that. I miss working with a purpose. I enjoy working non profit and really miss that. Adam tells me he misses the fire and passion I exuded when I worked at the shelter. Working really hard for a cause that was truly a passion for me. The for profit world is not for me. I like a job with a purpose. This is not to say I won't work for a for profit. I may have to while I search for the right non profit job. That being said, I have begun the process of looking for a new job. More on that later. The last reason I want to work is it really is who I am. My mental health seems to suffer when I'm not working. Don't misunderstand, I love my children more than anything in this world but I have a hard time when I'm home and separated from the world. I miss adults! I miss conversation that isn't revolved around the incredible amounts of poop and puked I had to clean. Both human and animal!

So, the job hunt begins. And let me tell you, I walked into a whole new world! The last time I interviewed for a job was for the shelter about 10yrs ago and this was to be a animal caretaker. Interview was pretty laidback and the position seemed like a good fit for me. Up until then any job I had ever applied for I had gotten. So when I was hired at the shelter it just felt natural. Fast forward 10yrs later when I am back on the job market and facing the real world once again. First up, I need a resume. Never did a resume because I never needed one. So with a little (ok a lot) of help from my sister who does H.R. we came up with a stellar resume. My previous employer was also gracious enough to write a letter of recommendation for me. That with a good cover letter I felt I was all set. With my experience and charismatic personality how could someone not hire me? I really thought that I would pick a job I wanted and get hired right away. I was wrong. So far I have applied to numerous non profits for numerous positions. So many I can't even keep it straight. I also realized that it sometimes takes an organization 2wks to a month to get in touch with you! When I was about to give up I got an email from the American Diabetes Association for a position as an Associate Fundraising Manager . They want to do an interview! I'm thinking yes! This is it! Then I'm thinking, wait...crap. How do I do an interview now? I'm fretting over everything from potential questions, what the hell my weaknesses are, also my strengths, and what in God's name am I going to wear! Again, Angie to the rescue for clothes and some tips. My bestie, Jen, was gracious enough to give me a mock interview so I felt more confident. I walked into the office and there where 3 people interviewing me! Was not expecting this. But I'm confident in my abilities and knew I can handle this. The interview went great I felt. They said they would be in touch, as they always do, so I figured I'd be waiting another few weeks. So imagine my surprise when I got an email the very next morning wanting a second interview with the Executive Director. They had narrowed it down to 2 possible candidates and I was one of them. After what I felt was another great interview, I waited anxiously for their decision. Finally, last Thursday I was informed they went with the other candidate. Dammit! However, they where nice enough to tell me how impressed they where with me and I came in a very very close second. I felt ok and thought at least that was a good learning experience for me. My first real interview was not a total diseaster.

I then got an email from the Muscular Dystrophy Association inquiring about doing a phone interview for their Executive Director position. Now I applied to this on a whim considering it is a pretty big job. I was quite surprised I was chosen for an interview. The phone interview went well and the Regional Coordinator said she would pick 2-3 people by the end of the week for in person interviews in Brookfield. I had no idea if I would be qualified for this position. Again, to my surprise, she contacted me the next morning and set up an in person interview with her, the Regional Director, and the Divisional VP! Yipes! This was serious and I had to step up my game and remain calm. Didn't help the in person interview was on the hottest day ever with a heat index of 115 and when I'm nervous I already sweat like I'm in a rain forest. I really prepared myself for this interview, walked in with confidence, all my paperwork, and a huge smile and great attitude. This was a tough one. Again 3 people firing questions at me and me trying to do my best to answer them in a coherent way on the spot. I take pride in my ability to be rather well spoken but can still get tripped up now and again. After the interview (which was over an hour) I thanked everyone by name and went on my way. They are suppose to let me know this week if I am chosen or if I again came in at a very very close second!

In the meantime I have applied to several other organizations including the American Cancer Society, Leukemia and Lymphoma, The Boys and Girls Club, and even the Girls Scouts of America to name a few. So the wait is on. If I cannot find a position with a non profit I plan on finding some administrative job and continue my education. Well, I plan on continuing my education anyway, but one thing at a time.

So I will try to keep everyone up to speed on my job hunt and if anyone has any leads let me know! I am excited about the prospect of working for a cause I can believe in, but the thought of leaving my boys still ways heavy on my heart. I try to tell myself it will be good for them (especially Aaron a.k.a. Seabass) to interact with other children. But Jude, I just want to scoop him up and put him in my pocket and take him with me. But I know this is the right decision for me and my family. This does not mean that I have changed my views on Stay at Home Moms. If anything I am more in awe on how they do it.

Krupuk Udang

 So, wish me luck on my job search. Big changes could be in the very near future for the Dahlstroms and sometimes change is good. Although I'm last person who likes change. I fear change but I've learned to face my fears. I typically include a recipe in my blog, but with this summer, I haven't really cooked a whole lot. I've made some of my staple dishes and have experimented more with my Indonesian cuisine. So I am going to suggest everyone look up Krupak Udang. They are a tasty Indonesian treat my family rarely goes without. You can find it at Asian Supermarkets or online trust me, once you try them you'll wonder how you ever went through life without them! I'll even through in a picture! If you are going to try Krupuk than you have to include Sambal Oelek (if you like things spicy there is nothing better than this)! 

Sambal Oelek