I Say Co-Sleep, You Say Danger...

For many many years, thousands even, women have slept with their children. Safely, soundly, and comfortably. It would seem like the natural thing to do as your baby after all is an extension of you just outside the womb. Also for breastfeeding it is almost a must or at the very least the most convenient. Speaking of breastfeeding (here I go on my pro breastfeeding horse so be forewarned), when you breastfeed your body and your baby's body are actually riding the same wavelength. Their (baby's) breathing is regulated by your breathing, their heartrate is set to yours, and so on. These are facts not opinions. When Aaron was born prematurely I did extensive research on the things I could do to help him thrive. I was terrified of losing him because of his prematurity. It didn't help the nurses in the NICU said most boys in there where referred to as the "Wimpy White Boy" syndrome because they had less chance of thriving. Nice thing to say to a first time mom scared out of her mind and so far from home.There is no place quite like a hospital's NICU, no place where birth and death exist in such intimate proximity. Here machines dwarf babies whose lungs are too delicate to breathe, whose eyes are too fragile to withstand light, whose translucent skin cannot yet warm their tiny bodies. It's where your heart breaks and swells at the same time. I did all the Kangaroo Care, which is skin to skin contact, and Adam did too. Our little Aaron had to spend the first two weeks of his life hooked up to monitors and machines in a room with strangers. I was determined to do whatever it took to get my little boy home.

Now, here's the thing. At the time, being a first time mom, much was new to me. I had never spent time in a birthing ward so I was not particulary sensitive to my surroundings. Not right away. Though it did strike me as odd that there where so many posters about not smoking, drinking, or doing drugs. Don't most mom's know this?? Then I saw a number of  about to be moms hanging out in their birthing gown in front of the hospital, ready to pop, puffing away as if it was no big deal. Yikes. It was also interesting that there where posters with statistics for African Americans about SIDS or infant deaths aimed at certain demographics. Then it occurred to me that I was in a hospital in the inner city. Where lack of information and education is just the a simple fact. It's not a stereotype and it's not racist. It is what it is and I saw it first hand. I try to be open minded and considerate of others but I was culture shocked all the same. As I looked around at the other little precious babies in the NICU a trend was apparent. These where babies that where born into addiction and poverty. How did I know this? My best friends mother was a nurse there. The stories where beyond sad. Some of their mothers showed up and some of them called and many of them never came back. Being a transfer from little ol Elkhorn, I was certainly in the minority here. I still see these babies in my mind and I still weep for their futures. They didn't ask for this and yet here they are, already in the care of someone else while their mother's party it up and call in to say they are not coming to bathe their newborn because they are too hungover. True story as I heard it first hand. You might be wondering why I'm even bringing this up. It is all relevant you see. It's all relevant to the alarming new epidemic in Milwaukee. Where mortality rates in certain area codes and demographics are the same as some third world countries. Impossible you say? Nope. Fact. You may have seen or heard of it.

Yeah, I was a little disturbed too. But not because of the pictures. Because the fact that there NEEDS to be pictures. And misleading ones at that. I'm going to state some facts from the Milwaukee Health Department and then factor in on some of them.

1. 30 developed and underdeveloped countries have better [infant death] rates than Milwaukee

2.  Milwaukee's infant mortality rate in 2009 was 10.4 deaths for every 1,000 live births, according to the health department.

3. For white babies, it was 5.4. The rate for black babies was nearly three times as high: 14.1.

4 . In Milwaukee around 20% of infant mortality is attributable to a combination of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS),  and Sudden Unexplained Death in infancy (SUDI).  Of these deaths the majority die in an unsafe sleep environment.  

5.100% of co-sleeping deaths in Milwaukee, the babies where formula fed (this does not mean that the formula contributed. I'll get more into this later.)    

6. African Americans carry an unfair burden of safe sleep related infant death. In 2006-2009, 47.4% of Milwaukee births were to African American mothers, yet African American infants represent 72% of all sleep-related deaths.

7. 13% of City of Milwaukee births were to mothers who smoked during pregnancy, yet 51% of infants who died in their sleep had mothers who smoked during pregnancy.

8. 69% of infants who died in their sleep were exposed to secondhand smoke.

9. 79% of the 89 sleep-related deaths from 2006-2009 had documented use of pillows, blankets, quilts, or bumper pads in the sleep area.

10. 69% of all 2006-2009 sleep related deaths involved bed-sharing with adults or siblings.

Co-Sleeping Defined The term “co-sleeping” can be confusing, as it is used both to refer to sharing a bed and sharing a room. To clarify the distinction, many pediatric experts now refer to “bed-sharing” (referring to a infant who is sleeping in the same bed, couch, or other surface where parents or others are sleeping), and “room-sharing” (referring to a infant who is sleeping in the parents’ room, but in their own crib or bassinet). 

Ok, so after reading those you are probably like "co-sleeping bad!". However, these statistics are factual and they are a bit misleading. There are a lot of factors in to why this is happening. I'm going to discuss the formula one first so as to make sure that it is known I am not anti formula. These babies where sleeping with mothers or other people who are not in the habit of waking up at night to nurse. Therefore, their body's and baby's are not on the same wavelength. Formula does not cause co sleeping deaths. 

 

Also, the statistics can be confusing because they state that most babies are African Americans but also states that African Americans account for most of the births so that would be relevant. However, this demographic was the least accepting of the "Back to Sleep" campaign. Though 37% of these infants were on their stomachs or their sides when placed to sleep. I think it is widely known that a newborn is safest while on it's back as to not rebreath the carbon dioxide. Confused yet? Exactly. This all very confusing for mothers. 

 

Now that you know why Milwaukee is doing this here is what I think. I think that when properly done co-sleeping can be highly beneficial for both mom and baby. I think a lot of these deaths where the result of drugs and alcohol. Can't realize you are crushing your baby when you are drunk can you? I don't believe that statistic either. Not all parents will admit to be under the influence of anything when their baby dies. I think these parents should be held accountable. 100% of  co-sleeping deaths here are preventable. Co sleeping death is not SIDS. Let me repeat that. Co sleeping death is not SIDS! When your baby dies from "unsafe sleeping conditions" it did not die of SIDS. SIDS is death of an infant that cannot be explained. Baby dying from suffocation because parent wedged it between themself and the couch is pretty clear. A baby that was smothered did not die from SIDS. Also, SIDS is much more likely to occur when the baby is in a room, alone, and not with the parent. The opposite of co sleeping. With SIDS not much is truly known and there are some things a parent can do to help prevent it but sometimes it does just happen when the parent does everything right. 

 

What needs to happen in my humble opinion? Well, if it where up to me I would be a birth control vigilante and shooting irresponsible woman up with the Depo shot, but it's not so it really is about education. It is very much agreed that a baby should not be ALONE in a bed with pillows, blankets, etc. A baby should never go to sleep with anyone other than their mother and in a safe sleeping environment. So, I feel that co sleeping is getting a bad rap here but part of me understands why Milwaukee is doing this. I don't really have an answer to get through to these parents either. Aaron slept in a "side car" like bed or arms reach co sleeper when he was an infant and Jude sleeps in a pack in play by me. That is where I put them to bed. If they get up and need(ed) to eat, many times they would just stay in bed with me. I would sleep in one position with my arms above and below them like a "mommy shield". I would not move. I even threw out my shoulder from sleeping like this. Call it mother's intuition but I am 100% confidant I will never roll over onto my baby. I sleep much to light. I nurse and every little noise wakes me. I am definitely an advocate for co sleeping if done correctly. Like most issues with parenting there is no black or white. I guess I'm just sad to think of the little babies who lost their lives because a caregiver was careless. And then again, maybe it's for a reason as who knows what their lives may have been. I'll be getting hate mail for that one but I'm just being honest. If people have to be told to "not take drugs", "don't let a baby sleep on the couch", and other "recommendations" then what are they doing being a parent in the first place. This makes me angry but mostly sad. Wouldn't you want to do everything you could to ensure your baby's safety?! I guess somewhere along the way that gets lost and the innocent are the ones who have to pay for it. 

 

All I know is that co sleeping with Aaron and Jude, especially Aaron, was a wonderful and beneficial experience. If parents don't feel comfortable co sleeping that's fine too. All I'm asking is keep baby safe through education not fear. 

 

Here is our little Aaron after birth. How could you not want to hold him close after this?