Let's Talk Gun Control Shall We? - thoughts on the Aurora shootings

As I contemplated what I would write my blog about I had so many ideas. A lot has happened recently and I just wasn't sure what I felt like tackling. Also, I've been reading nearly everything I can about everything that's been in the news. Well, many things. It's really hard to stay totally caught up and my own weak spot in the news world is international news and I have made a vow to get better at that. Here is a short list of events I considered blogging about: Sandusky Trial and Penn State's smack down from the NCAA, the Olympics and the uniforms made in China (which for me is a metaphor for so much more), Chik Fil A and their owners stance on gay marriage (I really did want to blog about this but I feel like I have blogged on gay rights quite a bit so I passed this time) and finally the Aurora shootings. Oh, one more. Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson. Totally out of my usual realm of blogs but still. Homewrecker much? And would on Earth would cheat on RPatz?? (I know. I'm such a nerd)

For fear of sounding like a broken record I almost didn't blog on the shootings since it's so overplayed in the media and we are saturated with so much detail whether it's important or not. I have a few thoughts I will play out in this blog. One is the amount of media attention these situation get, mental illness and the media and lastly gun control as a whole. You may boo or you may cheer at what I say or you may just say, "eh, whatever." It's all well and good.

So every single time a tragedy of this magnitude plays out in the media every one has a knee jerk reaction. "Oh my god!" "how tragic" "was he caught?" "how many people died". After the initial feeding of the starvation of the basics, things start to get broken down. "Who was this guy?" "Where there warning signs?" "Who knew him" and the focal point falls from the victims and lands smack dab on the killer. In many cases I believe this is what the killer wants but that's just speculation. The human mind (most of them) cannot comprehend the idea of killing a person let alone a lot of people. Sheer curiosity and the need to understand can overtake our compassion for those who were slain. That to me is very sad. James Holmes should merely be a footnote and we should get updates as he goes to court. Hearing dates, updates, trial dates, etc. I honestly don't care to see his spacey looking bug eyes beneath a tousle of badly died red curls again. I want to know about the victims. I want to know about their dreams and their families. I want to know about funds that people can donate to their families or the victims who are still alive and funds to help them with medical costs. I know that information is out there but to find it, again, I have to see four times as many articles and pictures of 'ol bug eyes. Also, isn't this usually what these serial killers or mass murders want? I am not a FBI profilist or whatever but I have studied extensively on serial killers. Why? Simple. The human brain fascinates me and psychology fascinates me. What happens in the brain to allow these things to happen is disturbing and interesting. Anyway, from what I have learned from experts in the field is this is usually the last straw to get noticed. These individuals are so alone and their reality has become so distorted that they feel this is the only way to make a name for themselves, to be known, and not disappear into oblivion like the rest of us someday will.

That brings me to the mental health issues. Many Americans suffer from mental illness. Whether it's anxiety to severe depression to actual agoraphobia or other afflictions that make their daily lives really hard, it's all there. But there has always been a stigma on mental health. Most likely the term "crazy". Now no one wants to be called crazy. Like seriously crazy. And no one wants others to feel weird around them, not trust them with their children, or other judgements if they find out the person has a mental illness. I don't know anything about this guy's mental illness or if he even has one. I think it's safe to assume he does. "Normal" people do not walk into a theater and just start shooting. This is not human nature to kill for no reason. Something inside him snapped. Or something has been simmering for a long time and finally blew. Were there signs? That's a subjective thing to say because even I have off days and I would hate for someone to think because I've become withdrawn I'm going to go on a murderous rampage.  Which also makes me think of what his defense will say. How will he plead? Not guilty because of mental illness or defect (thank you Law and Order SVU) or will he plead out. I really do hate plea bargains. Just so the prosecutor gets a "win" some people never get put to trial in front of their peers for judgement. They plead "guilty" for a less sentence. That almost seems like blackmail or extortion. "You give me a win and I won't throw you in the slammer." Disappointing..

My last thought (I'm making a valid effort to keep these blogs much shorter as I tend to go on and on, gun control. This shooting like so many others has opened up a whole bag of worms regarding gun control. Both sides are up in arms (pun intended). You have the groups who want more restriction, more control, more over site, less guns, you also have the other side who says if guns were allowed in the theater this would have never happened. Ok, the last statement is just plain ignorant. No one can say for sure what would have happened if someone in the theater had a gun. Let's be realistic. It was chaotic, tear gas was in the air, people are screaming and bleeding and fights are being fired in the dark. Here's the different between the gunman and everyone else. He wasn't aiming for anyone in particular. He didn't care who he shot. If you were in the theater with a gun you would have to be able to grab it, locate your target and shoot. Way easier said then down my friends, and if you think you "could have taken him out" shut up. You have no idea if you could have. For all you know you could have ended up shooting more innocent people. One little piece of evidence all these "would be heroes" seem to be forgetting is this guy was covered in bullet proof armor from head to toe so let go of your fantasy were you and your gun are the big heroes. Ok, that being said, this situation is not an issue about gun control for me. On either side. First of all, what more regulations can you have? He didn't have any priors and passed all clearances. He obtained his guns legally just like millions of other Americans but they don't shoot up theaters. How much of a background test are we going to give people? Make them take a lie detector? Scan their brains? We run a fine line of invading to much privacy here. So no, more regulation would NOT have prevented this. Having concealed carry in the theater would NOT have prevented this. You know why? If a person wants to do something of this magnitude they are going to do it, whatever means necessary. If he couldn't get the ammo and guns legally he would have gotten them on streets so that point is moot. If people want to be homicidal maniacs they will be. Sorry to say but it's true. It's called free will and everyone has it. Some use it for good and others use it to hurt. Holmes chose to kill people. He was going to do this regardless of his means of obtaining the guns. That was merely a point on his checklist of "Things I have to do before I start killing innocent people".

My final thoughts are there is so much talk, talk, talk, and speculation about what if and could have. The fact of the matter is this happened. Let the families mourn. Pray for those who have lost. Be grateful for everyday you have and love everyone as much as you can. Take all the politics and speculation away and you are left with broken hearts and broken families. Including Holme's family. They are dealing with the unimaginable. Let these families say goodbye in piece and figure out how to go on. And to the Wall Street Journal reporter James Taranto who tweeted,

"I hope the girls whose boyfriends died to save them were worthy of the sacrifice."

I am going to punch you in the wiener if I ever see you. How dare you classify or question their "worthiness". Their boyfriends decided they were worthy when they shielded them from flying bullets. True heroes. Gave the ultimate sacrifice and should be remembered as such. Saying something so stupid on your Twitter account Mr. Taranto shows your huge lack of sensitivity and that basically your kind of an asshole. How do you think the girls family would feel? Anyway, I'm getting off topic because people can be ignorant and stupid.

All I can say is that I hope the families of the victims and the surviving victims going through treatment find some peace somewhere. You have not lost your loved ones in vain even if the media portrays that.

A lady named Rhonda

Wow, it sure has been awhile since I did this. Months actually. Part of me has had this in the back of my mind but the other part has just been too busy to take the time. Also the last blog was about Gia and that is still a part of my life I am dealing with. It certainly isn't because I haven't had anything to blog about. The opposite really. I have lots of things going on but is any of it interesting enough for others to read is the real question. Well I have a story today that is of interest. I thought I would use this blog today to catch everyone up on my life, but really what's to know? Here's the 5 second rundown: new job-love it, in school- tolerating it, lots of pet sitting- helpful, boys getting bigger- wonderful, got a new dog- adorable. Now that that's out of the way here's my story and my thoughts on it. This event happened to me today. It has had a very profound effect on me and I've really had to concentrate to stay on task today.

Today was a typical Monday for me. Up early, getting kids ready, getting myself ready, animals fed, let out, etc. etc. After all this is done I leave for my very long day at work. Mondays are my longest and hardest days as it's my deadline day. I have to make sure all my work is done for the Delavan Enterprise and then have to begin and finish my own papers The Lake Geneva Times and Genoa City Report. Every Monday I go to the Delavan Municipal Building/ Police Station for my editor. I pick up any mail for the Enterprise and go over to the P.D. to pick up the police blotter from the past week. The blotter is basically a run down of all the calls that came in and why. Today was busier than usual. I had to park closer to the Municipal part of the building than most Mondays. I typically park by the P.D.  and make that my first stop. I have a routine. I stop in at the P.D., let them know I'm here and they begin to get the blotter ready for me, during that time I walk over (which is just a doorway) to the municipal building to pick up the mail. By the time I do this (sometimes stopping at the restroom) the blotter is ready for me to pick up and I go on my merry way to work.

Today was not that typical day. As I walked up the stairs to the building to go over to the P.D. I saw a woman sitting in the lobby. Her back was to me and I could see three animal carriers around her. I didn't want to stare so I glanced her way and went to the P.D. I had to cross this lady again to get the mail and again to pick up the blotter. Now I could have left the building through the P.D. side but something was telling me to go back to the lobby. I also knew if I didn't I probably would never forgive myself. I then was determined to see if this lady needed help. I don't know why I felt like she did I just did.

I walked over to her cautiously and noticed she indeed had three carriers with cats in each one. Her clothes were dirty, her hands and nails were black, her hair was pulled up and matted and her face was tired and worn. She was eating out a can. I didn't want to stare or make her feel bad but I kneeled down next to her to speak to her. Immediately I noticed a strong odor coming from her and concluded it was a mixture of the cats and perhaps not being able to bath for awhile. I couldn't help but think "What is this woman doing in here? Is she homeless? Has anyone asked her if she needed help?" I was shocked to see several people coming and going and not even glance in her direction. As I walked over I softly said, "Hi Ma'am. Do you need some help?" She quickly shook her head and said she was fine and waiting for the pawn shop to open so she could sell her things and get back home. I again asked her if she needed help and she began to shake and cry. I held out my hand and said "My name is Alex. What's your name?" She told me her name was Rhonda. I sat down next to her and asked her what happened. Why was she inside here with her cats, dirty, eating corn from a can, looking like life had slapped her in the face? She began to tell me her story about how her boyfriend who was violent went to jail in California, in hopes of starting a new life she packed up all she had, her 5 cats (yes 5), emptied her savings and jumped on the road headed for Wisconsin where she was going to stay with a long time friend until she could get back on her feet. Apparently her friend's wife decided the cats had to go or get to the vet immediately to get checked out. This was on a Sunday and not a feasible option. It turned out this was just the wife's way of telling Rhonda she actually was not welcome to stay. Rhonda had spent every dollar she had getting out here. She drove a large truck with all her belongings and it cost her nearly $1000 in gas to get to Wisconsin. She had hopes of a new life and now here she was stranded in a strange place with no money, no place to go, no food and no hope.

The folks at the municipal building let her sit in the lobby with her cats to escape the heat. Apparently she sat there all day on Sunday. I noticed her cats seemed very anxious and were probably very tired of being cooped up. I asked her about the cats and she said they where her babies and she did not want to give them up. At this point I wasn't sure what to do. I had to help her but had no idea how. I certainly don't have $1000 to give her for gas. I gave her my number and took hers. She had gotten a prepaid phone and had minutes on it.  I told her I needed to make some phone calls and would try to do what I could to help her but I couldn't promise anything. I went back to my car determined to find this woman help. Any help. I thought that I could at least get her cats some more food and litter and maybe help her find a place to rest while we figured out how she would get home.

I immediately thought of my friends Sal and Corinne Dimiceli from the Time is Now. I wasn't sure how fast I could get ahold of them but I would try. I called Sal first and his cell phone was not on. I then sent Corinne an email and told her it was urgent she call me as soon as she could. I let Rhonda know I was trying to get her help from a local charity. I asked her to sit tight, stay cool and I promised she would hear from me one way or the other. I did have to get to work!

When I got to work I told my co workers what I had seen and experienced. I could see the concern in their eyes and knew they could see mine. It took every once of strength to not start crying. Mostly because I didn't know if I was going to be able to help this woman get home and also because looking that kind of pain and hurt straight in the eye is very difficult. I started my work and got a call from Corinne about an hour or so since I first sent her the email. I explained what was going on and that I tried to call Sal. She told me that Sal was with a handicapped man helping him and she would get a hold of him asap. We talked about Rhonda and I gave her all the information I had. I then called Rhonda and told her that she would most likely be getting a call from some friends of mine so to keep her phone nearby. After several hours I was getting anxious wondering what was happening. Just like that my phone rang. It was Rhonda. Sal and Corinne had gone into action and were helping Rhonda get home. Sal set her up in a hotel in Lake Geneva where she could also keep her cats. The woman who runs the hotel had it all ready and very cool so Rhonda could get comfortable. She needed to shower, sleep and eat before she could even think about her trekk home. Sal also left her plenty of Walmart gift cards at the front desk, gas cards, and funds to get the things she needed and then get back home. Rhonda was sobbing on the phone telling me what a miracle it was and how she believed her cats saved her life because that was the reason I initially stopped.

I just spoke to her again and she is overwhelmed with the generosity of Sal and the Time is Now. This blog is beginning to sound like a Time is Now column! She kept thanking me and I told her it wasn't necessary and I just hope if I were in a tough spot someone would stop and ask me if I needed help. She plans on heading back home to California where she does have family and friends for the most part tomorrow.

So of course this has been on my mind all day. And yes I was at first concerned for the cats but once I looked at her face I was just as concerned for her. With the latest heat I knew neither she nor her cats would last long without some help. I know how cliche this all will sound but when you see that in person you really reflect on what you have and not so much on what you don't have. I'm not writing this looking for any sort of "good job". I'm writing this because it had such and affect on me and it was time for me to blog again. Everyone is guilty of overindulgence and wanting the greatest and latest. Myself included. But looking at this lady with her cats eating out of a can I wanted to give her anything I had to help her. I know some people will think this was her own fault and maybe that's why no one stopped. Maybe she made a mistake in coming out here but how was she to know? And regardless of how she got here she was here and there was no going back on what was done. I haven't been very sympathetic to people for the most part. I always felt that if they wanted something they should be able to take care of it. However, bad things do happen. Things that aren't planned. And it could happen to anyone at anytime. People really need to stop being so self absorbed.

All I know is while Rhonda felt grateful I came into her life, I feel grateful she came into mine. Sometimes you need a reality check to stop being so damn materialistic. There are many very good people who get dealt a bad hand now and then. I'm definitely guilty of taking my life for granted but I do know that I will think of Rhonda often and use that to make sure I don't take for granted the wonderful life I have. People like Sal and Corinne are not the norm and I am constantly in awe of their work. I did receive a message from Sal that everything was taken care of and I didn't have to worry or take her cats in! I feel better that I put this in writing. Maybe I don't write as much as I now I do a LOT of writing for school and work but today it just felt like a good time. And I will think of my new friend Rhonda often and hope she is back on her feet with those 5 cats of hers.